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Teen birth control decision

Posted by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 3:44 PM
  • 20 Replies

Sorry if this gets long...I have a feeling it may end up as more of a vent than a question...

I posted a few months ago about my 16 year old daughter and the 'sexting' going on between her and her boyfriend. Thank you for all the wise responses--I really appreciate the gentle caring and concern I find here. As I had feared, withing a couple of weeks of that post, my daughter told me that she and her boyfriend got carried away and had sex. I panicked a bit but have always told her it is my job to keep her safe, so I got her condoms and within a month took her to the ob/gyn where we made the decision to get a birth control device called Nexplanon, which is small stick implanted in the arm just under the skin that emits a continuous small dose of progesterone. Ideally, it prevents pregnancy but also makes periods stop. Unfortunately for her, it has increased bleeding and cramping, and she has had more trouble at the site than is usual (bruising, itching,inflammation) which makes it much more visible than it should be. She gets constant questions at school. She is also getting frequent headaches (a side effect).

Then, not quite 2 weeks ago, her boyfriend dumped her out of the blue. Needless to say I am very angry and feel that this boy used my daughter, lied to her and took away her innocence for his own selfish purposes, not to mention strong feelings of guilt (could I have done more to prevent her from getting so close to this boy whom I never really trusted?); but my daughter, after a few days of non-stop crying and not eating/sleeping much, is actually doing very well and moving on already, as she realizes he has a lot of issues and the relationship was ultimately doomed anyway, so I am trying to focus on the positive and realize I can't change the past.

We have a follow up with the Ob/gyn this week. I have a strong inclination to have the implant removed, but I don't know if I'm being hasty. It is possible that some of the side effects she's experiencing will dissipate over the next few months. If she ends up getting back together with this boy (praying that won't happen), I will most likely regret having had it removed. However, I'm also concerned that this will make her more likely to have a more casual approach to sex with the next boy who comes along. We've of course had lots of conversations about the importance of waiting and taking things more slowly to protect her heart, but I'm worried that will fly out the window in the heat of passion if she knows she is 'safe' (from pregnancy anyway).

So...any advice/opinions? I'm really at a loss...the contraption isn't doing her any good at this point other than preventing unwanted pregnancy, which at this stage is unnecessary; however, I can't know what the future holds and whether in 6 months or a year I will be regretting having removed it because she is in another serious relationship. The implant is effective for 3 years. I suppose we could seitch to BCP's down the road. What would you do?

Thanks!

by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 3:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 27, 2013 at 4:15 PM
Many teen boys take girls innocence. This is why I told my girls to never ever fall for the crap. Luckily they never had sex in hs. They say they would have regretted it too.
I would not use any bc that had bad side effects.
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jojo_star
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 4:42 PM

First, don't blame yourself, and don't blame just the boy. Your daughter made her choices and she needs to take responsibility for it, blaming the boy takes that responsibility from her.

As for the birth control, I don't know much about the arm implant, but I do know that most other types of birth control the doctors want women to try for at least three months before they switch, to give side effects a chance to decrease. The itching and inflammation would worry me, and if the dr does agree that it needs to be taken out, I'd put her on something else, either an IUD or the depo shot. 

Niccalyn
by Bronze Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 9:45 PM

I of course warned her that, at this age, feelings can change rather quickly. So just because he says he loves you, will never leave/hurt you,  wants to marry you and gives you an infinite bracelet that 'represents his love for you'  for your 6 month anniversary, doesn't mean he's really going to stick around. But of course she was in love and naturally chose to believe him over me. Go figure...

zacmacsmomm
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 11:25 AM

Most often than not, teen pregnancy is NOT a deterent for them to have sex.  It's really sad.  So I honestly don't think keeping the implant in would make a difference on way or the other.  Although I think there are better alternatives out there.  Maybe the shot instead of the implant, or a Nuva Ring.

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Apr. 28, 2013 at 1:10 PM
I would remove it if she is having side effects there are other options if she even needs them.
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marie2409
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 1:15 PM
Keep her on some kind of birth control. Keep the lines of communication open, like you have been. You are doing it right or she'd have never told you she had sex. Educate her, heck scare the crap out of her with the STD's she could catch that no birth control could prevent. There are far worse things out there than getting pregnant.
daisykat
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 4:10 PM
Unless the side effects are affecting her to the point of hourly distraction, where it's constantly on her mind, then give it the three month trial. If it doesn't work, put her on something else. DO keep her on birth control. That's how I lost my virginity, too. Only I'd already graduated high school and was living on my own. We were both 18. He dumped me, like her, two weeks later. He told a mutual friend that he'd always wanted to f*** a virgin. Little pig.

The sex talks in your house are going to need to be plainspoken and frequent. She needs to know her sexuality is a sacred, powerful thing and she needs to wait a long time to find a guy who is truly worthy. Is her dad in the picture? Quite often girls with absent fathers gravitate toward boys who shower them with the affection they crave as a substitute for dad's love. If dad's not around, surround her with some strong male role models, like grandpas or if you have a trusted brother. Giving her a male perspective on sex may embarrass the heck out of her, but she'll learn a thing or two. And you can't stress enough the importance of condoms. Unless the guy is her husband, hopefully YEARS down the road, he has to wear one. No glove, no love.
coffeemom37043
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 4:57 PM
2 moms liked this

As long as it was medically Okay, I would keep it in. Once a lot of young girls START having sex, it's a lot easier to do it the next time..and the next time..and the next time..etc. It's already in there, so I would just leave it as is

kidkrazyinAK
by Member on Apr. 29, 2013 at 12:09 PM

My DD has Implanon, and the bleeding and side effects only lasted a couple of months. She is very happy with the Implanon now. That thing costs so much I would not consider wasting the money unless there were horrible long term side effects. There will be more boys, keep her protected.

mamabear0791
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 12:29 PM

I think it is important that we arm our children with the knowledge that they need to take care of themselves - bf/gf won't do it for them. 

I would stick with the implant for at least three months, then if hte side effects are still giving her problems, have an open discussion with doctor about what he thinks she should do. 

I had our daughter put on bcp when she was first starting to get interested in boys. She kept taking it until she was 17, when she made the decision to stop it on her own because of side effects. She is now 19, and has a beautiful 8 month old son and found out she is prego again. She wasn't using protection, but was going to get the morning after pill ( that worked really well) because her periods had not yet started again after the birth. She is wishing she had listened to others now and gotten back on bc of some sort lol.




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