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feeling guilty about the graduation party

Posted by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 5:46 PM
  • 12 Replies

it is really not that big a deal.... but Im starting to feel guilty about the graduation party.

Graduation is june 14, the party is june 15th.  I guess I was just so excited i over did it.  Should have just done a nice family dinner... but she is my oldest, and well you get the idea.

I sent asave the date email around to all the family and told them it was a casual open house and not to feel they had to come but we would love to have them.  All the grandparents are coming, two from out of town.  Now when I start to think about the cost of this Im feeling bad.  If it were anyone else we would offer for them to stay here, but my in laws dont do stairs and my mom and her husband are too large for any of our beds.  We have one down stairs room but that would mean that I have to choose who stays at the hotel.  So I told them that we would love to have them but can not put them up...... now Im feeling horribly guilty!

AND father's day is the next day.  So I feel I should do something about fathers day but then what do I do about siblings?  Tell them to get hotel rooms too? (they are a 1.5 hr drive away)



silly non-scence, really not that big a deal, but Im starting to work on logistics, meal plans, ect and Im just starting to see what an issue I have made for every one.



btw.... my mom has issue with my mil, because my mom is self-concious around her.  my mom has issue with my step-mom.  and last time my step-dad saw my step-mom he was an ASS to her.  ugh... what have I done????

by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 5:46 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sahlady
by Gold Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 5:46 PM
1 mom liked this

and shouldnt it really just be about my daughter and not all this other bull?!

lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 5:49 PM

Give them the hotel stay as Fathers day gifts. I dont think driving 1.5 hours is far at all for the others. YES its supposed to be about the graduate. rarely happens when we moms start planning. BTDT.

sahlady
by Gold Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 5:50 PM

I dont think we can manage that.... it would total $1400

1.5 hrs isnt bad for the party but if it is over at 10pm and I have them back the next day for a father's day bbq... I think that is pushing it.  OR I could just do a little toast at her party... I guess I will talk to her about that.

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

Give them the hotel stay as Fathers day gifts. I dont think driving 1.5 hours is far at all for the others. YES its supposed to be about the graduate. rarely happens when we moms start planning. BTDT.


lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 5:52 PM


Quoting sahlady:

I dont think we can manage that.... it would total $1400

1.5 isnt bad for the party but if it is over at 10pm and I have them back the next day for a father's day bbq... I think that is pushing it.  OR I could just do a little toast at her party... I guess I will talk to her about that.

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

Give them the hotel stay as Fathers day gifts. I dont think driving 1.5 hours is far at all for the others. YES its supposed to be about the graduate. rarely happens when we moms start planning. BTDT.


  I meant for the 2 from out of town. NOT everyone.

Surround yourself with people that add to your life not subtract from it.

sahlady
by Gold Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 5:52 PM

That IS the two from out of town.  Hotel for the entire time they are here.

Quoting lucky2Beeme:


Quoting sahlady:

I dont think we can manage that.... it would total $1400

1.5 isnt bad for the party but if it is over at 10pm and I have them back the next day for a father's day bbq... I think that is pushing it.  OR I could just do a little toast at her party... I guess I will talk to her about that.

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

Give them the hotel stay as Fathers day gifts. I dont think driving 1.5 hours is far at all for the others. YES its supposed to be about the graduate. rarely happens when we moms start planning. BTDT.


  I meant for the 2 from out of town. NOT everyone.


boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Apr. 27, 2013 at 8:18 PM

Don't feel guilty... this is about your DD!   It is their choice to attend.   I would forget the Father's Day Barbeque..... the graduation party will allow you to spend quality time together.  

Maybe you can offer to pay a portion of the Hotel costs?   Or give the out of town parents gift certs for nearby Restaurants to alleviate some of their costs?




sahlady
by Gold Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 10:08 PM

we will be feeding them for every dinner and lunch.  breakfast is free at the hotel.

Quoting boys2men2soon:

Don't feel guilty... this is about your DD!   It is their choice to attend.   I would forget the Father's Day Barbeque..... the graduation party will allow you to spend quality time together.  

Maybe you can offer to pay a portion of the Hotel costs?   Or give the out of town parents gift certs for nearby Restaurants to alleviate some of their costs?


drfink
by Emily on Apr. 28, 2013 at 12:12 AM

If someone ...a bride to be lets pretend...came to you worried  about every one getting along you would tell her to remember they are adults and only they are responsible for their behavior.If a good friend you can be honest with were to be complaining about her granddaughter's graduation because so and so was there and rude and this person was that way and....you would tell her to remember it is about the granddaughter PERIOD.

You can't control any of them ,if it isn't important enough for them to be polite that is their failing and has nothing to do with you.

My mom is a well something ,she is semi -estranged from her brother ,a grandson,almost my daughter ,me etc. but when it comes to these events she pulls it together.No one isn't going to say she wasn't the sweetest ,most helpful ,best guest ever.Whatever but it works for the rest of us.Maybe the family will surprise you...ya never know ...look at my mom.

My niece graduates from college the day before Mothers Day.The college is 2 hours away.My sis is having a large  fajita party that evening at her house.She told our mom and her husband told his that the party covers everything ...going out for a meal ...for Mothers Day this year.My sis is a teacher and though they are having help with the party they will still be getting things in order for the week.

Good Luck .They are independent adults.Your job is with your children.

Congratulations to your daughter.

daisykat
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 4:35 PM
Hee hee hee, you are TRULY the quintessential wife and mother. I think when we're planning and we get idea after idea and we feel we MUST implement ALL of them, we lose focus on what it's really about. Just make sure your child is happy and you RELAX. Now, about the family dynamic- remind your mom and stepdad to keep their lips zipped about any issues they may have with others at the gathering. Remind them that saying anything even remotely impolite could result in a situation that would leave an ugly memory of the party for your daughter, who's the focus.

1.5 hours is not a big deal. Good grief, my husband drives 1 hour, 15 minutes to work each night, then he drives to service calls all around the city. And yes, they can put themselves up, but the one with the longest drive should be able to stay over. If the other ones get jealous or offended, they can get over it and stop acting like toddlers. It's your house, don't fell guilty about a damn thing.

Just incorporate father's day into the celebration. It will eliminate a lot of work, and I'm sure your hubby would understand if you explained that. Your superpowers as wife and mother only extend so far.

congratulate your daughter on her long journey, now completed. And try to remember to have fun.
sahlady
by Gold Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 5:27 PM

LoL... Yeah, I guess in the last 18 yrs I have become mom & wife... but I think I will find myself again soon.

The two people Im having a housing issue with are both flying in.

Quoting daisykat:

Hee hee hee, you are TRULY the quintessential wife and mother. I think when we're planning and we get idea after idea and we feel we MUST implement ALL of them, we lose focus on what it's really about. Just make sure your child is happy and you RELAX. Now, about the family dynamic- remind your mom and stepdad to keep their lips zipped about any issues they may have with others at the gathering. Remind them that saying anything even remotely impolite could result in a situation that would leave an ugly memory of the party for your daughter, who's the focus.

1.5 hours is not a big deal. Good grief, my husband drives 1 hour, 15 minutes to work each night, then he drives to service calls all around the city. And yes, they can put themselves up, but the one with the longest drive should be able to stay over. If the other ones get jealous or offended, they can get over it and stop acting like toddlers. It's your house, don't fell guilty about a damn thing.

Just incorporate father's day into the celebration. It will eliminate a lot of work, and I'm sure your hubby would understand if you explained that. Your superpowers as wife and mother only extend so far.

congratulate your daughter on her long journey, now completed. And try to remember to have fun.


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