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My 17 year old son... Need your advice please!

Posted by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 5:12 PM
  • 18 Replies
So my 17 year old son who has OCD and is quite reserved says he doesn't want to be seen with us (his parents)
He doesn't drive yet, though I have taken him out to practice...I am really not in a hurry to see him drive anyways... Well, I feel like a terrible mom ... He just wants to stay home and stay in his room... I have him do chores, not too many, but when he is done, he goes back to his room... I have tried to get him to go for walks, to get some excercise, to do things with us( his little sis is 7) but he refuses and says I need to chill out.. Should I feel like it is my fault that he just wants to stay in his room? I have tried, along with his dad, to get him out of the house and when I do get him out, he stays in the car if we go in to the store... In school he has a hard time paying attention and admits other things distract him.he says he wants a job, with all that he is doing or not doing, I can't see him working!!! Is this regular teenage stages or what?
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by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 5:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Apr. 28, 2013 at 5:38 PM
My girls were very social in hs. They were with friends and in sports and clubs. Staying in his room is not the norm to me.
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MamaSnaps
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 6:02 PM

Sounds to me that he's very rude and you are catering to it, almost begging him to come out and be a functional part of the family. 

Does the OCD factor have any bearing on this situation? What is he OCD about?

flprincessmom
by Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 6:47 PM

 My 16 DS is in his "man cave" 80% of the time when he is home....but that is where he gets to do his own thing....playing his ps3 and whatever......but then again, he pretty much always played in his room when he was home....but most of the time his is out with his friends or playing basketball...

sabrtooth1
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 7:20 PM

It sounds like your son has a number of emotional disorders, not JUST OCD.  OCD is always a co-morbid anyhow, and would n't be a stand alone diagnosis.  What kind of treatment--if any--is he getting, and when was the last time he had a workup?  He needs medication and counseling in order to function properly.

 *I* have 2 adult kids with ADD/ODD/OCD+,  who have their disorders under control, and have full lives, careers, and families.

daisykat
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 7:35 PM
He's 17 and is going to need to become a man soon. He needs to have a driver's license so he's able to function as a normal member of society and get around. Unless you guys live downtown NY, NY, Chicago, Miami, etc. it's pretty much a necessity. It sounds to me like because of the OCD (and you haven't said what it's about) you are coddling him and you don't want him to grow up. If he gets a job, he'll last about a day with his attitude. Give him more chores, MAKE him go with you on outings, make him get that license, and have him go shopping with you (out of the car). At 17 it's high time to man up and start taking responsibility for oneself. He'd better start learning a work ethic now, or he'll be holing up in his room, without a license and without a job, at 30 years of age.

You're not a terrible mom, you just love him to the point of paralyzing him. Sometimes loving them means getting them to leave the nest and join the rest of the world. That's our job.
drfink
by Emily on Apr. 28, 2013 at 7:49 PM

I agree with other PP's I think he has more going on than OCD .Sometimes meds are needed and some counseling to help learn proper coping skills with disorders.

A young teen being to "cool "to hang with mom at the grocery store isn't unusual but he should have grown out of that stage by now.He may need more down time to deal with everyday stimulation than average.The rudeness is unacceptable though.

He needs to be assessed again.

Mommyof5247
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 9:02 PM
He may have anxiety issues & depression on top if is OCD or regarding his OCD. Depending on his compulsions, leaving his comfort zone may be quite frustrating or anxiety producing.

I wouldn't push him too much harder without getting him more professional help to get his anxiety under control & help him find coping strategies for the OCD.

Many teens hide out in their rooms but your son might feel that he needs to in order to deal with life.
boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Apr. 28, 2013 at 9:14 PM

What does he do in his room?   My sons both went through phases where they stayed in their rooms alot,  both enjoy peace and quiet and their own company.  My oldest would sit in his room and draw and watch movies.  My younger son still spends his free time in his room... it is his sanctuary.    When I was a teen, if I was home...I was in my room.    A teen's room is their space, they have all their things. they decorate their space the way they want.    It makes sense to me that it would be their favorite place to be.    

Oh, when I was a teen, I never wanted to be seen with my parents!   My sons never had issue with it, though.

and never wanted to be seen with my parents!




bizzeemom2717
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 9:42 PM
I agree, even my DS who is much shyer than my DD age 15 was pretty social with his group of friends in HS. I would be worried about depression? I'm sorry it sounds like you have really tried to help him. Hugs

Quoting atlmom2:

My girls were very social in hs. They were with friends and in sports and clubs. Staying in his room is not the norm to me.
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childofGod995
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 8:45 AM

you mentioned the hard time paying attention in school; could it be add or adhd?

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