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17 year old upset with dad

Posted by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 6:19 PM
  • 9 Replies
Hi ladies. Back after a while .
My DD 17 1/2 just ranted for 45 min about how her father doesn't care about her. Never did. Honestly, they are both similar , but never openly argued. She says that since she was 7 she tried to "talk" to him but never got recognized. My husband is very very quiet and not very demonstrative with affection. He had yelled about silly things. We are married 19 years. I have never yelled at him. She cried when I said we should sit down and talk with him. She said its too late, not worth it and she doesn't want to go thru it. We are planning to drive to college,but she doesn't want him to go. I said that's ok. I did explain to her parenting is hard and dad and I worked as a team so I feel as though I'm to blame partially too. Should I encourage a sit down with three of us or not speak to Steve at all.
:( Not sure what to do. I think confronting will be awful for them both. He loves her totally. Dedicated family man, but loves himself too.
by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 6:19 PM
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by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 6:59 PM
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Maybe since your husband isn't that good at expressing how he feels about his daughter verbally, maybe he can send her an email or letter telling her how much she means to him but that it is difficult for him to openly show her. Then hopefully she will email him back and they can communicate that way for a little while. Even if this doesn't work while she still is home it may after she goes away to college. I get where you are coming from about your husband "loves himself too", in my opinion most men are selfish and do think of themselves first so they can't relay to others that they are important in their lives also. Good luck. :)

by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 7:22 PM
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I would have a talk with the hubby first, then have them sit down together. The distance will not make their relationship better, it will only hurt it. 

by Kimberly on Apr. 29, 2013 at 7:41 PM

That is sad.   I would tell her that it is never too late, and if she isn't willing to tell him how she feels than she is as much to blame as he is.       You should talk to your DH and give him a chance to express his feelings.   Perhaps he can write her a letter telling her how he feels about her.

by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 7:46 PM
My dad is terrible showing emotions. Always has been, always will be. But one thing he did that meant alot to me as a teenager is he would take me to the movies and then dinner. We could spend time with each other without having to talk at length, and then we had something to talk about at dinner. Yes, it may sound odd, but I knew he was really trying. Maybe something like that would work with your DH and daughter.
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by on Apr. 29, 2013 at 7:51 PM
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It's NEVER too late to fix a relationship. The only time it's too late is when they are dead and gone. She'd be feeling really crappy if something happened to her dad today. Encourage her to realize that and to work through things with him.

Your DH needs to understand what his quiet behavior has done to her and make the effort to do ANYTHING-whether it's an email, note, written or spoken or a gesture or... . 

by Member on Apr. 30, 2013 at 6:03 AM

Thank you for the replies. I like all the ideas and wish I would have suggested something sooner. I told her I have to let dad know and she doesn't want anything done. I don't believe her for a minute .

if I say something now she will know i told him. I told her I will wait a couple days so she can approach him since she also is responsible for communicating. 

Avoiding confrontation is what I am best at. Don't want her to make that mistake too.

by on Apr. 30, 2013 at 8:03 PM

 If she is going to college maybe wait until she comes back for a visit after they have had time apart it might be easier

by Member on May. 1, 2013 at 9:37 AM
Thank you. The more I think about the more I lean toward encouraging her to open up and speak with him. I stayed upstairs last night and heard them talking ( he was home earlier than usual). Maybe I'm in the way. I haven't told husband since I don't want to close communication with her and I. I will ask her to be more open with him. See how it goes.
by on May. 1, 2013 at 12:29 PM

Just please please please urge her to make an effort. She'll so regret it if something happens to him. And life is precarious at best!! It can end in the blink of an eye for no reason. 

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