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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Teen in trouble. How should I handle it?

Posted by on May. 9, 2013 at 4:10 PM
  • 5 Replies

My DGD had a birthday and we took her friends and the family to eat that night. After I dropped everyone off but her, we had a disturbing discussion. She and her friends were planning to leave out a girl "who likes to stalk" one of the other girls. It turns out the girl is in real trouble and I feel she is turning to the other girl because she needs a friend and their families used to live together. (2 single moms, I think.)

I said they needed to be nice and include the girl and my GD replied that she was a problem. "'All'", that teen word, "the other girls were calling her a W because she gave a boy a BJ. " Now the girl cuts herself because of the humiliation. and DGD said, "I told her, no offense, but you did bring this on yourself. You should have done what I do and told him no." Also, she is upset because the girl is terrible to her mom that DGD thinks is just so sweet and caring.

I have many years teaching early childhood and teens aren't my thing. I don't know exactly how we all survived my 3. With 2 senior year pregnancies and an unresolved problem with seizures that still aren't explained ten years later, I can give some advice, but this is way over my head.

My first thought was go to the school counselor because I don't know how my GD's mother will handle the situation of me asking her to notify the other mom of her daughters problem. I don't think they know each other since this a friend of a friend. My daughter suggested I have the mom tell the friend's mom and let her explain the daughter's problem to her friend.

What to you all think?

I don't think it is right for the boys to be asking the girls those kind of questions? Is it just my old-fashioned upbringing or how do you all feel about the schools telling kids to report that kind of solicitation.

There was an incident a few weeks back when my son's new girl-friend accidentally intercepted a text from a 16 year old boy to my DGD and she freaked out when she learned DGD was texting someone she didn't know. She told my son who didn't know what to do with GF demanding he search DGD phone for messages so he called her mom to handle it. DGD was furious and cried for 2 days over them not trusting her to know not to talk to him other than to ask how he got her number and who he was. She looked him up on-line and saw he was a local student and thought that would end it, but she didn't want anyone searching her phone. She, also, was afraid her dad might hunt the boy down as crazy as his GF got over it.

GF had the phone because hers died and DGD let her have it. She, also, is 28 and was a wild child as a teen. Her daughter is only 4 so she is new to dealing with these issues, but she is usually the cool person in DGD's life. This was their first problem in about a year of dad's dating her.

Thanks for any advice.




by on May. 9, 2013 at 4:10 PM
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Replies (1-5):
Saphira1207
by Member on May. 9, 2013 at 7:07 PM
1 mom liked this

You should tell the school what's going on and let them take it from there.

Cutting is a major issue and can lead to even bigger problems if it isn't dealt with properly.  The school counselor will know what to do.  You don't even have to say who told you, just that you found out she was cutting herself because of something that happened.


The stuff with Dad's girlfriend is a whole other issue that should be dealt with by the parents.  You just need to be a shoulder to cry on and an ear for listening.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on May. 9, 2013 at 8:56 PM
1 mom liked this

I would talk to your DGD about bullying.   She and the other girls are judging this one girl because of something she supposedly did....  they are calling her names, and outcasting her.....   who are they to stand in judgement???   If any of them were true friends, they would be reaching out to her.   

You don't think it is right for boys to ask girls what kind of questions?   

I think you should talk to the school guidance counselor about the girl in need.   Someone needs to step up and help.




mjunieb
by on May. 11, 2013 at 10:49 PM

Thanks, that was my first thought, too. I'm glad my instincts are still right even if I am old and out of touch as the teenagers say.

mjunieb
by on May. 11, 2013 at 10:54 PM

The bullying was my first issue, then, as more info came out I got scared for the girl. I found out the mom is aware of the problem and is on top of it so I can relax. Thanks for the quick replies.

I just can't believe it has gotten so bad that propositioning a girl is the norm now. I think this should be one of the things covered in health class and at home. How do other parents feel and what is going on at your kids schools?

bizzeemom2717
by on May. 11, 2013 at 11:14 PM
I agree, have the bullying discussion. Just because this girl made a poor choice not ok. Also I agree talk to the school before things get out of hand. Good luck.

Quoting boys2men2soon:

I would talk to your DGD about bullying.   She and the other girls are judging this one girl because of something she supposedly did....  they are calling her names, and outcasting her.....   who are they to stand in judgement???   If any of them were true friends, they would be reaching out to her.   

You don't think it is right for boys to ask girls what kind of questions?   

I think you should talk to the school guidance counselor about the girl in need.   Someone needs to step up and help.

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