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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

He screwed up...and I can get blamed for it!

Posted by on May. 10, 2013 at 11:38 AM
  • 49 Replies

My son is 16 with a history of ADHD.  He went to Counseling and took meds for 10 years.  The counseling place closed and he didn't like the way the meds made him feel anymore because he wasn't eating.  We agreed to let him go off of them.  Anyway, he is a good kid as far as he has never been in any trouble with the law, doesn't drink or smoke or do drugs, does his chores etc.  The problem? He won't go to school half the time.  If he is genuinely sick,  I will call the school and say so.  However, if he just wont get up, I refuse to lie on his behalf so I dont call.  He doesn't drive, doesn't have a job yet and basically has nothing that he can get grounded from except the computer which we have already done.  He has an appt coming up with the doctor and a new counselor. HOWEVER, the school called me yesterday and informed me that they are going to send us to court because he has missed 41 school days this year.  I am worried because Ohio has a law that says the parent is responsible.  We have tried everything to get him up: pulling him out of bed, sprinkling water on his face, etc.  I can't physically drag him dead weight to the car-neither can my husband.  One day I got him to school and he refused to get out of the car because he was "tired". The school says we will have to go to an arraignment at the detention center and he will have a second chance but he won't be able to get his drivers license and they will keep any eye on him next year. On top of that, he is failing this school year. I am at my wit's end.  Anyone go through this process??

by on May. 10, 2013 at 11:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on May. 10, 2013 at 11:47 AM
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Holy crap, how do you miss 41 days? Here after 10 you have to have a doctors note. Yes, here he would fail. Long ago I would have been to school and sat with him. So glad mine strived for perfect attendance every year. Made it a lot too.
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luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on May. 10, 2013 at 12:01 PM

I've never been through the process cause the only child that ever tried to pull that crap on me was dragged to school, literally. Sorry you are responsible, hopefully this will be his wake up call.

SarahLynn1985
by on May. 10, 2013 at 12:08 PM
sounds like me as a,teenager. I went maybe 10 days outa the whole school year. I grew up in ohio also. It got to the point where my mom had told them and agreed with them to send me to juevinile hall.. Was there for 3 weeks then came home. After that i went to a alternitive school
fammatthews4
by Trisha on May. 10, 2013 at 12:51 PM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry you are going through this but I don't have any advice to offer.  If it were my children I would have put my foot down along time ago and would not allow them not to go to school.  

sabrtooth1
by on May. 10, 2013 at 12:52 PM
3 moms liked this

You ARE responsible.  YOU are the parent.  My kids have ADD+, and they went to school.  They went to counseling, and they took their meds.  Because they knew it was not worth their lives to disobey.

YOU need to get your kid back to a Dr., on meds, in counseling and to a tutor.   YOU and your husband need counseling as much as your child does, do determine why you have abdicated on parenting your child.

drfink
by Emily on May. 10, 2013 at 1:54 PM
1 mom liked this

I was a volunteer juvenile probation officer and here in Texas parents are held responsible for Truancy.Both parents and the child are responsible.A parent can go to court at the hearing and show the efforts they have made and yup that would include physically attempting to get the kid to school .Have you kept the school up to date with his absences ,did you approach the school asking for advice and help with a truant son ,have you shown the school concern over his truancy.Parents that have not done these things can be ticketed and fined and eventually held in contempt.Your son if here would wind up in either juvenile detention or county boot camp.Either way they attend school under armed guard.The teachers say it is an easy teaching job,very little discipline issues with armed prison guards in the room.

It is proper parents be held responsible for chronic truancy.The courts understand you sometimes can't MAKE a child attend school so below a certain age they will take into account the efforts the parents made .The ones I described are a few the courts look at .If you have not done these things and he has missed 41 times here you would be fined.


Txlisa7969
by Bronze Member on May. 10, 2013 at 1:55 PM

This.  As tough as it will be and as frustrated or overwhelmed as you and your husband may feel, you have to do what you have to do.  You either work hard on this now or in a few years have a 20 something son living in your house and refusing to get up in the morning to go to work because he is tired, sick, doesn't want to, etc.  I have a 21 yr old SS that could be your sons twin.  His mother (my husband's ex-wife) refused any help from Dh to deal with him stating she had it covered.  Now she has a 21 yr old with no education and no job living at her house.



Quoting sabrtooth1:

You ARE responsible.  YOU are the parent.  My kids have ADD+, and they went to school.  They went to counseling, and they took their meds.  Because they knew it was not worth their lives to disobey.

YOU need to get your kid back to a Dr., on meds, in counseling and to a tutor.   YOU and your husband need counseling as much as your child does, do determine why you have abdicated on parenting your child.



EyEmTuRtLe
by Bronze Member on May. 10, 2013 at 2:03 PM

Our district they will actually arrest the parents if a kid has to many absences (excused or unexcused) in elementary and middle school.

When it comes to high school they don't care about the amount of excused days. But if the student has more than 24 unexcused classes the parents get arrested, kid goes into foster care (unless the student is 18), everyone goes to court and the student fails.

The system sucks all around but parents should be held responsible for their kid(s) not going to school... within reason of course. 

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on May. 10, 2013 at 3:21 PM

 I'm ADHD and alot of times it is hard to get up in the morning.  However, a strict schedule is important if he is not on meds (and not a bad idea if he is).  Strict bedtimes, 2 hours off the electronics before bed (yes I am aware that is like hitting him with a hammer), strict get up times.  It takes a while to get into a routine, but stick with it.  I haven't been on meds for 20 years and you can barely see I'm adhd.  Only those who live with me can tell.  But make sure everything is on a schedule.  If you don't get up and eat before 9am, no breakfast, by 2pm no lunch, sit down to supper the same time every night.  Set a time for homework AT THE KITCHEN TABLE.  From 3-4 you do your homework or study, no excuses, follow it through the weekends, during the summer, adjust the schedule if you like, but keep "homework" time and make him read a book instead.  One of his choosing.

Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on May. 10, 2013 at 6:33 PM
1 mom liked this
This...get off your computer and parent your DS.

Mine has been trying that. Playing the I'm sick card. I took him to the Dr who ran 47576 tests and declared him physically fine.

We took him to a counselor who backed us up 100% and laid it out for DS, " You do as you're told because it is the law and the options are juvie, or foster care or a psych ward." The therapist also suggested he has depression and low self-esteem and has been teaching D's meditation and relaxation techniques to manage his stress..

We took him to a psychiatrist and have him on meds for depression and we stepped up and said NO more slack! We took away his computer, and phone and going to friend's houses.

He has turned around 180%! He got all of his work done this week plus some he had skipped last week. He has been pitching in on chores. He has stepped up!


Quoting sabrtooth1:You ARE responsible.  YOU are the parent.  My kids have ADD+, and they went to school.  They went to counseling, and they took their meds.  Because they knew it was not worth their lives to disobey. YOU need to get your kid back to a Dr., on meds, in counseling and to a tutor.   YOU and your husband need counseling as much as your child does, do determine why you have abdicated on parenting your child.
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