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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

I don't want to hurt her feelings...advice please!

Posted by on May. 13, 2013 at 9:10 AM
  • 23 Replies

What do you do when your teens bf/gf insinuates themself into every facet of your family life?

Don't get me wrong, I adore my sons girlfriend. She is such a sweet girl and has a great family. She is a perfect match for my son BUT she is over here every. single. day! She goes on most of our family outings with us. Whenever I turn around she is here. While her parents adore my son too and let it be known that he is always welcome there as well, they prefer to be here. Again, I appreciate that, BUT there are times when I just want to be able to enjoy my home and my family without anyone else here. I don't want to hurt her feelings but it is beginning to drive me batty. 

What would you do? Any and all advice would be appreciated!

by on May. 13, 2013 at 9:10 AM
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Replies (1-10):
fammatthews4
by Trisha on May. 13, 2013 at 9:13 AM
3 moms liked this

Is your son asking permission before she comes over? (he should be)  Don't feel guilty about saying "no today is going to be family only" or something like that.

Txlisa7969
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2013 at 9:34 AM
2 moms liked this

When my older brother and I were in high school and both had steady bf/gfs my parents adopted a rule of certain days being family only days.  Three days a week were for family only.  If I remember right they were Monday, Wednesday and Sunday.  Not only were we not to plan anything with our bf or gf we were not to plan anything with our friends either.  Granted it wasn't a hard fast rule.  If something special came up they were flexible as long as it didn't become a habit. 

lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on May. 13, 2013 at 10:49 AM

Tell your son that you don't want her there every single day. Make sure he understands that you have nothing against her you sometimes just want your own family and that's enough. next time you are taking a trip before hand let him know she isn't welcome. That again  you want family only.

The hard part about this is you have opened this door to allow her to be there 24/7. Now you want to close it. That is going to cause hard feelings.

** I don't mean 24/7 literally***

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2013 at 11:01 AM
2 moms liked this

Well, you can use the method I use on the kids next door. They have to pitch in with housework. I don't treat them as guests. They still come over but not with the frequency they used to.

It might not keep her away but at least you'll get something out of it.

bcauseimthemom
by Member on May. 13, 2013 at 11:01 AM

I would have a one on one conversation with your son and explain nicely how you feel.

Hannahluvsdogs
by Bronze Member on May. 13, 2013 at 12:03 PM

Ooh, I like that idea. If she wants to be at your house all the time like she's family, she should have the same expectations as far as chores and helping out.

Quoting gdiamante:

Well, you can use the method I use on the kids next door. They have to pitch in with housework. I don't treat them as guests. They still come over but not with the frequency they used to.

It might not keep her away but at least you'll get something out of it.


bizzeemom2717
by Jen on May. 13, 2013 at 12:35 PM
I would talk with your son about it
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MidwestMama55
by on May. 13, 2013 at 1:09 PM

That would frustrate me too. I think it's just time for a conversation with your son, that there is family time and friend time. He should be asking permission anytime someone is coming over, and understanding that sometimes the answer will be no.  I have two older teens, and I tell them when they are married, they will be family and the open door policy will apply.  Since they aren't married, gf/bf are "guests", which means they need to be invited (by my husband and I).  Good luck!

Idntreallycare
by on May. 13, 2013 at 1:25 PM

I would talk to your son about it, let him know that you want time with just the family and that they don't need to spend every minute together. Remind him that you like her, just that sometimes having family-only time would be nice.

fantasticfour
by Grumpy on May. 13, 2013 at 2:27 PM

 When you decide to go on a trip/outing or just want to spend some alone time with your family, tell him.  Explain that you just want family there, nothing against her or anything, you just want to relax and be a family.

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