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Daughter lied to current boyfriend about 'activity' with ex. When to 'come clean'?

Posted by on May. 14, 2013 at 9:14 AM
  • 30 Replies

I just found out that my 17 year old daughter lied to her boyfriend of almost a year when he asked her, early in their relationship, how far she had gone with her ex boyfriend.  I was mortified last year when I found out that my then 15 year-old had had sex with her boyfriend.  It was a bad time for all of us and they did break up and all was well...or so I thought.  Last evening I found out from my older daughter about little sister's lying to her new bf when he asked her about her past love life.  He is a great kid and the two of them are well matched in every way but I am led to believe it would be a deal breaker if he knew she was not a virgin.  I have no idea if this is a frequent topic of discussion between the two of them (I would think it's not) but I feel she should remain quiet unless their relationship continues and appears to be getting serious.  Any thoughts?  Complicating factor?  What if ex decides to spill the beans? 

by on May. 14, 2013 at 9:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
fantasticfour
by Grumpy on May. 14, 2013 at 9:20 AM

 That is something she's going to have to deal with.  You can't run off and tell the new boyfriend, she has to and only when she is wanting to. 

Carmel63
by Bronze Member on May. 14, 2013 at 9:23 AM
5 moms liked this

I think this is her business.  Your daughter is only 17, and the odds of this relationship leading to marriage is slim.  I would let it go, and let her decide if and when she chooses to share this information.

Barabell
by Barbara on May. 14, 2013 at 9:55 AM

I would let it go. It would be different if she was coming to you asking for advice, but at this point the whole thing could be hearsay or something she just doesn't want to discuss with you.

Cheribomb
by on May. 14, 2013 at 9:59 AM
1 mom liked this

 i think its time for mom to mind her own business..   if she doesn't share with you personally than butt out!  if she DOES share it with you, just give her advice on what you think she should do & that is IT.  its her sex life, not yours.  

MidwestMama55
by on May. 14, 2013 at 10:07 AM

I think it's not your business to get involved in.

atlmom2
by Susie on May. 14, 2013 at 10:17 AM
She has to live with her lie. Only if it comes up do you say something.
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bemadre
by Member on May. 14, 2013 at 10:19 AM

Thanks, everyone, for the advice.  I had NO intention of getting involved, just curious as to everyone's thoughts.  I'm smart enough not to blab everything I know.  Sometimes parenting is what you don't do as much as what you do, do.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on May. 14, 2013 at 10:32 AM
1 mom liked this

This is between her and her bf.     She is not being honest, but at the same time, her past is none of her bf business, as he wasn't a part of it.    If the ex spills the beans, he will likely not be believed and be accused of starting rumors.....   a tangled web.      




atlmom2
by Susie on May. 14, 2013 at 11:07 AM
I would wanna know if my dh had been with a slew of girls. Ewwwwwww. If he wants a virgin she should not lie. Dh and I knew we were both virgins when we met. Not when we married though.


Quoting boys2men2soon:

This is between her and her bf.     She is not being honest, but at the same time, her past is none of her bf business, as he wasn't a part of it.    If the ex spills the beans, he will likely not be believed and be accused of starting rumors.....   a tangled web.      


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02nana07
by Ida on May. 14, 2013 at 11:21 AM

 She is the one that has to live with the lie but things will never work out if she isn't honest.  I feel honesty and trust are important in a relationship at any age if I were him I would question everything she said because if a person will lie about one thing they will lie about anything. 

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