Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Daughter wants to see a psychiatrist

Posted by on May. 17, 2013 at 2:53 PM
  • 26 Replies

Last night with no warning my 17 year old daughter came up to me and my husband and siad she needs money to see a psychiatrist; she's picked someone outbut she can't pay for it herself. Neither of us had any idea there was a problem, she has always been very quiet around the house, and generally independant. She's also never open with her emotions. So my husband asked her why she wanted to; i think he didn't believe her. she broke down and said that he should know ,he's been abusive towards her. Now its true he has a temper, but most of the issues were between him and me, we left  her out of it. I can see why it bothered her but he could not. (he's the one who has the money to pay for it though.) He yelled at her to stop blaminhg him for her issues, he's treated her well. Later, i talked to her alone and she said that when she was a kid the way he acted made her scared and distrustful to get close to people, and now she has nobody and nothing she cares about or that interests her. She wants to see a psychiatrist for her depression, and I just dont know what to do. this is all so sudden, neither of us knew there was anything going on, and neither did her friends, she says. She is usually so closed off to everyone and very thoughtful of what she says (I know there's more she's hiding) that I don't know what to do. She dosnt think my husband or i can help as we were too closely related to her problems, and she wants to just talk to a psychiatrist but I don't know if i should get her to open up more to us. she says when people try and get her to tell things she's uncomfortable with, she is afraid of them and not comfortable with that.

by on May. 17, 2013 at 2:53 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
drfink
by Emily on May. 17, 2013 at 3:06 PM
4 moms liked this

Why would you ignore your daughter asking for help.?Is your husband angry because he is feeling like he failed your daughter ? If it is because he doesn't like the criticism then he is controlling.Parents arguing frequently and intensely doesn't just effect the parents but can cause issues for their children also.The parents aren't in a vacuum.This doesn't mean yall were wrong to work things out but it also effected your daughter not just you.Get her the help she wants.

First have her accessed by a child and adolescent psychiatrist.The psychiatrist will determine if she does have depression or other mental health issues and if meds would help her.The psychiatrist may then refer her to a masters level therapist for therapy and continue seeing her quarterly or every six months for med checks if she needs meds

Don't ignore her reaching out and asking for help.

App123
by on May. 17, 2013 at 3:07 PM
2 moms liked this

that's a cry for help, do not ignore it. If she feels threatened by her father then why would she open up to him or you?  That was so brave and mature of her to ask for help, do not reward her by talking her out of it or minimizing her feelings.  You may really regret it one day if you do.

atlmom2
by Susie on May. 17, 2013 at 3:16 PM
1 mom liked this
Family counseling is in order. She's gonna run later and you will never see her if you do not get to the bottom of things. I think you are right, she has more issues than your husband.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Ally99
by on May. 17, 2013 at 3:28 PM
I didn't mean to sound like I'm ignoring it because i'm not. I just don't know if seeing a psychiatrist (at least how she wants to) is the right way. She basically wants cash from us and wants to go there herself and leave us out of it since she feels uncomfortable with us involved at all. My husband doesn't want to just give her cash, and leave her to it like she wants, and I guess I'm in the middle. I want to do what is best for her but i think that her plan of dealing with it by going alone to the psychiatristt and not talking to us anymore is the best. She said she only told us what she did since she needs the money, she does not want us involved at all in her treatment. Do you thnk we should give her cash and let her handle it from there? That's what she wants to do. I feel like I'm not doing enough, if that's all we do and i don't even know if my husband will agree to pay if my daughter doesn't give him any more information. I really do want to help her but letting her do everything herself without talking to us after she gets money from him concerns me.
enlightened_24
by on May. 17, 2013 at 3:32 PM

Take her to the Dr. If her dad wont pay there are services for sliding scale patients and free patients. She needs to see someone. Talk it out. My parents messed me up and they have no clue and refuse to hear me out or believe it. Things got real bad till I moved out. Take her to get help.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on May. 17, 2013 at 3:59 PM
2 moms liked this

She doesn't need a psychiatrist, she needs to start with a counselor. They are very different, if she needs more then they can offer they will help her find the right person.

Would I just hand her the money? No, because even though she is 17 she still needs some guidance. Would I help her get help? Yes, without a doubt. That doesn't mean that I have to be in on the sessions, but I do want to make sure that the money is going where she says it is. That the person she is seeking is the right person, and she is 17, still in my home, still under my care.

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on May. 17, 2013 at 4:05 PM

She needs a counselor. It may be covered by your insurance. Do not just give her cash, because it's not outside the realm of possibility that she's making up a story in ioprder to get money for another purpose. And THAT would be something requiring counseling, too. Take her ASAP.

And frankly I want to rap your husband with my baseball bat of common sense. When a kid tells you that your anger issues makes her scared of you, you don't YELL at her. He's just proving her point!

OHgirlinCA
by Bronze Member on May. 17, 2013 at 4:07 PM

 Help her pay for the psychiatrist.  She is obviously asking for help!  A non biased source can really do wonders for a person, especially a professional. 

Do you have insurance?  If so, look up what doctors are in your network and how much your responsibility for the payment would be.

What do you mean when you say it's your husband that has the money to pay?  Don't you have access to your family's money?

nissadawn
by on May. 17, 2013 at 4:32 PM

She will only give that one cry of help and thats it. She realizes she is differeant she is trying to figure out why on her own that's why she said what she said about the father....i wouldnt start with a phyciatrist personally i would atleast go with a phycologist to start. But when you said that what the father has done has been to you and not her raises a red flag and sounds to me all of you need to get into couseling. I wouldnt give her 100% control over it though...if i where you i would set the appointment after the both of you research on who to go to and can agree...drive her there and pay for it...she needs to understand that even though you're there you won't be in the room while she being assesed but driving after is out of the question since noone knows what her emotional state will be afterwards

atlmom2
by Susie on May. 17, 2013 at 5:17 PM
Tell her you pay you are involved. She can see the therapist first half confidenitialy, then you go as a family the 2nd half.


Quoting Ally99:

I didn't mean to sound like I'm ignoring it because i'm not. I just don't know if seeing a psychiatrist (at least how she wants to) is the right way. She basically wants cash from us and wants to go there herself and leave us out of it since she feels uncomfortable with us involved at all. My husband doesn't want to just give her cash, and leave her to it like she wants, and I guess I'm in the middle. I want to do what is best for her but i think that her plan of dealing with it by going alone to the psychiatristt and not talking to us anymore is the best. She said she only told us what she did since she needs the money, she does not want us involved at all in her treatment.

Do you thnk we should give her cash and let her handle it from there? That's what she wants to do. I feel like I'm not doing enough, if that's all we do and i don't even know if my husband will agree to pay if my daughter doesn't give him any more information.

I really do want to help her but letting her do everything herself without talking to us after she gets money from him concerns me.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)