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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

At our wit's end!!

Posted by on May. 20, 2013 at 10:07 PM
  • 7 Replies

My DH & I are really having trouble with our 17 yr.old son. We're pretty sure he's ODD & also has ADD. The issue now is he's refusing to go to school & just quit his 3rd job in a yr. We don't want to give up on him but it's like he's giving up & we can't control it. Legally we can't kick him out till 18, but I refuse to watch him sit here all summer doing nothing. There's more to the story but we feel he's very spoiled/entitled, an only child, & don't know what to do. We've taken away his Internet, tv & he has no $$ & no car since he wrecked his recently. We are hoping he will break. Any advice would be great.

by on May. 20, 2013 at 10:07 PM
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sabrtooth1
by on May. 20, 2013 at 10:35 PM

So you're "pretty sure" he's ODD and ADD?  Has he been evaluated by a doctor?  By a psychiatrist?  Is he on medication?  In counseling?  Are YOU in counseling?  Unless you answered YES to all these questions, then THAT is what you should do.  If your answers are yes, and he and you are active treatment, then you need a new psychiatrist.

Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on May. 20, 2013 at 11:59 PM
1 mom liked this

Sabr4 hit it on the head... if you think he may have psychological or medical issues- DRAG HIS BUTT TO THE DR! 

I would also demand he volunteer somewhere if he refuses to get/keep a paying job. He can work at a homeless shelter (maybe he would realise he doesn't want to end up there?) or at an animal shelter, or other non-profit. 

Jinx - Homeschooling, Scouting & Karate butt-kicking  Mom to Star Scout Ian 1/98, Scout Sean 9/00, Junior GS Heidi 4/03. Wife to Joe & Alpha to German Shepherd Spazz.

daisykat
by on May. 21, 2013 at 12:49 AM
The above posts are right on the money. Sabr4 and Jinx are correct.

You can also say, "Ok, kiddo. Since you don't need schooling and every job you have is beneath you, surely you are smart enough to live on your own and pay your own bills. OR, you can finish school and continue to live here with all the wonderful things WE provide for you. I don't know what grade he's in, but at 17 it's time to man up and recognize he's not a child anymore. And, during the summer, he WILL have a job. I know you said you can't kick him out until he's 18- when is his birthday? And just give us a little backstory about him. Not all the gory details, but what do you think precipitated this behavior?
PurpleHazey
by on May. 21, 2013 at 5:16 AM
2 moms liked this

Why is it when ever a teen does something wrong I always hear they are sure it is because they are or they think it is because they are ODD, ADD or ADHD (one of those). Listen to what you are saying (clue) "spoiled" 18 years of being spoiled and having everything "why would he have to work now" (clue) 18 old enough to pay rent, put gas in his own car,buy his own clothes....ect. toughenup and stop using ADD, ODD because over 75% of our children are being medicated for their behaviors at his age he should be able to control his actions.

PurpleHazey
by on May. 21, 2013 at 5:18 AM
1 mom liked this

 

 

Quoting sabrtooth1:

So you're "pretty sure" he's ODD and ADD?  Has he been evaluated by a doctor?  By a psychiatrist?  Is he on medication?  In counseling?  Are YOU in counseling?  Unless you answered YES to all these questions, then THAT is what you should do.  If your answers are yes, and he and you are active treatment, then you need a new psychiatrist.

He's 17 he can learn self-control, "he's spoiled" why should he do anything when it has always been given to him!

 

marney.p
by on May. 22, 2013 at 3:19 AM

I had a 17 year old son who dropped out of school and we had to wait 6 months. For the next course he was interested in started.

At first I was stressed, embarrassed and wondering what I did wrong. His life was doomed.

Then I got over that. I realized he had no life skills. (as schools have become increasingly academic).What skills do you or your partner have that you can teach him?

My son had to clean and re arrange all the out side storage areas. Clean up the yard with his dad. Painted the kitchen with me. Did labouring with his uncle.Paint fences for us. etc

He had to cook dinner each night for everyone because we worked and I didnt get home until late. It was wonderful. To come home to dinner on the table each night.

He had to clean his room and the kids bathroom. Which had to pass an expection on Friday night. Before he got $20 for the weekend. He got given no money at other time. Just travel cards. We were essentially his bosses. And we were tough on him for a reason. If it was not up to our standards then he did not get one cent. Which happened only once. He learnt form this.

He also had to do small hospitality courses so he could get a part time job.

It worked, he grew up more in that time than he did at school. And many of the behaviours  and bad attitude to authority figures changed.

His dad also spent alot of time with him. Males learn how to be men by being around good male role models. It does not have to be a dad though. I had to take a step back. And learn to shut my mouth.(wich is hard for me.)

good luck

02nana07
by Ida on May. 31, 2013 at 9:29 PM

 He can't refuse unless you allow it call the police and they will take him because by law he has to go.

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