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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Prom, drugs, alcohol, supervision...Advice needed!

Posted by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:29 AM
  • 5 Replies

My son (18) is a responsible young man. I have no problems with him at all. No drugs or alcohol, good grades etc.. He had a girlfriend (17) who broke up with him and during those three months, she went buck wild; hanging with the wrong crowd, smoking and drinking. Well her mom calls my son to pretty much reign the daughter back in, which he did. So now (against my wishes) they're a couple again. The mom calls my son for everything when it comes to her daughter, ie., pick her up from school, take her back and forth to work. They're together all of the time. Tonight is his prom. At first her mom said no, her daughter could not go.  I told my son to take somebody else.  Mom changed her mind. Well the plans after the prom is, my son, his gf and another couple are to come to my house for the night, then leave for the shore tomorrow morning. Once the mom found out (yesterday) who the other couple was, she went completely batshit crazy and now is threatening to not let her daughter go to the prom if I allow the other kids to stay at my house. My son is completely beside himself now because he could have made plans with other friends. I have met the other young man who I find to be mild mannered and pleasant. Apparently, the other girl (I have not met yet) is one of the "wrong" crowd goers and she's the one the mother absolutely can't stand. Granted I'm not going to be there so there will be no supervision, however, I'm not leaving the house tonight until they get there, so I can make sure there is no drugs or alcohol.  I will literally be 5 mins away. Any advice ladies.

by on May. 24, 2013 at 10:29 AM
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Replies (1-5):
luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on May. 24, 2013 at 10:48 AM

I'm confused.


Who's going to the shore, and if they are coming to your house why won't you be there?

As a mom I wouldn't be comfortable leaving kids I don't know very well alone in my house, even with my responsible kid. 

The mom has her reasons as to why she thinks this other girls and her DD shouldn't be hanging together. You haven't met her so maybe, there are some valid reasons.

wearymoon
by Member on May. 24, 2013 at 11:50 AM

The kids in my area normally rent shore houses for prom night. To save money, time and sleep, I decided a few of the kids could stay at my house. The same 4 kids are driving to the shore tomorrow morning.  Whether they stay at my house or not, my son's gf and the other girl will be seeing each at the shore. 


Quoting luckysevenwow:

I'm confused.

 

Who's going to the shore, and if they are coming to your house why won't you be there?

As a mom I wouldn't be comfortable leaving kids I don't know very well alone in my house, even with my responsible kid. 

The mom has her reasons as to why she thinks this other girls and her DD shouldn't be hanging together. You haven't met her so maybe, there are some valid reasons.


 

sabrtooth1
by on May. 24, 2013 at 12:27 PM

Why are you leaving teens UNSUPERVISED at your home overnight?  Besides the fact that they WILL be having sex in your house, how can you be SURE there will be no drugs or alcohol?  The minute you leave, they can get it out.  Or drink yours.

And if they are not being supervised at your HOUSE, I'm sure they will not be supervised when they go away, which is also a VERY BAD IDEA. 

I have 2 daughters who went to 3 proms, and not only were they supervised at the sleepovers after prom (boys on one floor, girls on another, Dad slept with boys), but 2 adult couples went with the kids to the beach.  And these were ALL kids I knew VERY WELL.  It is just ASKING for trouble, not to supervise.

nuts4scouts
by Member on May. 24, 2013 at 12:41 PM

Your son is not responsible for his "gf". He is not her parent, or her shrink, and he should not be treated as such.

Any, and all, drama between this girl, and her parents should stay between them.

However - Prom is tonight. Money has been spent. This girl will be / has been around the "bad seed" at school, at prom,  and at the shore. It really matters very little if she is also at your house. If the parents did not want their daughter around "bad seed" girl they should have made that decision initially, and held to their decision not to allow her to go to the prom.

Your son should contact gf right NOW to get a final answer on if she will be going tonight or not. It is extremely unfair to keep him hanging like this until the last possible minute.

As to your leaving the 4 kids alone in your house overnight - personally I would not.

It does not matter a hill of beans how responsible your son is. There are 3 other people that will be there too. Can you vouch for how responsible they are? You know that at least one of them (bad seed) is, at the very least, iffy in the responsibility area.

You stated " I'm not leaving the house tonight until they get there, so I can make sure there is no drugs or alcohol.". That sounds great on paper, but how do you plan on putting that into practice? Strip searching them? Searching their cars? Confiscating all phones, and car keys?

The bottom line is that even if you are "literally" 5 mins away, you will not be there, and will have zero control over what is happening in YOUR home.

I am stressing that it is YOUR home because, as the homeowner, YOU are legally responsible for what happens in your home. If something happens tonight, and the police get called, YOU will be held responsible.

More, and more communities are arresting, and charging, the homeowners/parents. Even if they are not present in the home when whatever happens, happens.

Just something to keep in mind.

drfink
by Emily on May. 24, 2013 at 12:47 PM

We have a beach house and it is off limits after Prom.I am aware that kids drink etc but I'm not giving them a place to do it in.We have an huge organized event till around 6 after prom.There is usually a slumber party so to speak at one house or another.Boys on one floor ,girls on another along with mom and dad in the same area.Around noon several parents show up and help fix/bring a big brunch.Then the kids can go to the beach for the day...still not our house unless we go also.

We are not naive but we aren't going to make it easier for them to drink,drug ,sex etc.If I knew you weren't going to be there I would allow my child to still go to prom and the organized after prom but none of my children would be allowed to stay the night at your house with you gone.

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