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I'm a crazy or is he trying to manipulate me?

Posted by on May. 24, 2013 at 12:30 PM
  • 15 Replies

I received an email from my sons teacher yesterday evening saying that my child got upset with him because he didn't call on him to asnwer a question in class. So, my son called him a racist. I was shocked and very angry, because, for one, his teacher isn't racist and 2 we aren't a racist family. I try to be a very positive influence on my children. I raise them to be respectful and courteous to others and for the most part, they are but my youngest has been  saying some really mean things lately and lying about them.

So, he comes home from school and seems to be in a good mood. First I ask him about his day. His answer was, school was ok. I then ask him if he called his teacher a racist and if so, why? My son simply said. I didn't call him a racist.  I pause for a while waiting for more but it was quiet so I ask, well, why would your teacher email me to tell me something like that. he said, i don't know, he's crazy! so I went on.... Did you have any type of conversation with your teacher about anything. My son said,no I didn't. I said, Ok son, something doesn't add up. I know that your teacher didn't just decide to email me about your behavior if nothing went on at school today so again, what happen or what was said that prompt your teacher to email me this afternoon. My son said that his teacher thought he heard the word racist but thats not what he said and that he tried explaining that to the teacher but his teacher didn't beleive him.

Why didn't you tell me that when I ask you the first time son? You lied to me. My Son, I didn't lie to you, I told you the truth. Me. You are so called telling me thr truth now but you when I ask you the first time, you claimed to have never had any conversation with your teacher at all that could have lead to that word. But mom, I didn't lie. You ask me if I called my teacher a racist, I said I didn't call him a racist. You ask if we had any conversations in class today, I said no because he was basically screaming at me while I was trying to explain  myself so it  wasn't a conversation. IS HE BEING A SMART ASS? WAS THIS SOME FORM OF MANIPULATION OR IS IT ME?

by on May. 24, 2013 at 12:30 PM
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Replies (1-10):
drfink
by Emily on May. 24, 2013 at 1:01 PM
3 moms liked this

Well you have a great future salesman on your hands ; )

Deliberate lie no ,but I think teens sometimes answer selectively to try to stay out of trouble with out a blatant lie.In their mind if it isn't a lie then it is ok.They also kind of categorize things differently in their head...almost too literally.

I have had in depth discussions when this same sort of thing has happened.My teens really didn't see it as lying ,they explained what lying was and yup they had heard me all those years.This led to a whole discussion concerning mis-leading answers.My oldest got it.I learned and for the other three include chats about mis-leading answers ,lies by omission etc.I think just getting it out there helps avoid issues later...now when I feel one of my teens might be fast talking himself down that path I will say stop just stop...the thing to remember is will I...mom...feel deceived.They aren't always fast talking but when they are this works for us.

Barabell
by Barbara on May. 24, 2013 at 3:54 PM

I think Emily gave you some great advice. It is a form of manipulation, but he doesn't realize probably how it's making you feel. Explain it to him. 

sabrtooth1
by on May. 24, 2013 at 6:52 PM

One, he is lying thru his teeth.  Two, you set him up to lie.  You KNEW what happened at school, so why play 20 questions?   Any kid who would disrespect a teacher like that, WOULD lie, to save his ass.  Simply say, "I KNOW this is what you did.  THIS IS YOUR PUNISHMENT."  Have him write a letter to the teacher apologizing for his behavior.  YOU GO WITH HIM to school, and stand there while he delivers it, and watches the teacher read it.  If this is NOT the first time he's gotten in trouble, then it's also time for counseling.  IT's probably also time for YOU to get some counseling, if parenting your child is this confusing.

bexsmum
by Bronze Member on May. 24, 2013 at 7:45 PM
2 moms liked this


Way to jump to conclusion. One you don't know this family or this teen. Two you don't know the dynamics of this kids personality. and three what right do you have to suggest counselling because this young man MIGHT of been using the race card.

Personally I think he is one trying to be a pain in ass as I have one who is just like this and if you don't phrase the question just rihgt she will not answer as expected or give the answer your looking for . She does this to her father all the time just to yank his chain. I think both the boy and you need to talk to the teacher as there is always 3 stories his version the teachers version and somewhere in the middle is the actual version.

Quoting sabrtooth1:

One, he is lying thru his teeth.  Two, you set him up to lie.  You KNEW what happened at school, so why play 20 questions?   Any kid who would disrespect a teacher like that, WOULD lie, to save his ass.  Simply say, "I KNOW this is what you did.  THIS IS YOUR PUNISHMENT."  Have him write a letter to the teacher apologizing for his behavior.  YOU GO WITH HIM to school, and stand there while he delivers it, and watches the teacher read it.  If this is NOT the first time he's gotten in trouble, then it's also time for counseling.  IT's probably also time for YOU to get some counseling, if parenting your child is this confusing.



boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on May. 24, 2013 at 11:02 PM
2 moms liked this

Lol.  In my experience, I have learned that if I feel like I'm being manipulated...than I am.

My son is a master manipulator..... he hates it when I call him that!    He is extremely literal and enjoys using the 'exact wording defense' as we have come to call it.     Apparently, your son subscribes to the same manual!




suesues
by Silver Member on May. 25, 2013 at 9:24 AM
1 mom liked this

iteacher may have been mistaken just saying

Harmoni73
by on May. 25, 2013 at 12:19 PM

@bexsmum, thank you for pointing this out to sabrtooth.


Quoting bexsmum:


Way to jump to conclusion. One you don't know this family or this teen. Two you don't know the dynamics of this kids personality. and three what right do you have to suggest counselling because this young man MIGHT of been using the race card.

Personally I think he is one trying to be a pain in ass as I have one who is just like this and if you don't phrase the question just rihgt she will not answer as expected or give the answer your looking for . She does this to her father all the time just to yank his chain. I think both the boy and you need to talk to the teacher as there is always 3 stories his version the teachers version and somewhere in the middle is the actual version.

Quoting sabrtooth1:

One, he is lying thru his teeth.  Two, you set him up to lie.  You KNEW what happened at school, so why play 20 questions?   Any kid who would disrespect a teacher like that, WOULD lie, to save his ass.  Simply say, "I KNOW this is what you did.  THIS IS YOUR PUNISHMENT."  Have him write a letter to the teacher apologizing for his behavior.  YOU GO WITH HIM to school, and stand there while he delivers it, and watches the teacher read it.  If this is NOT the first time he's gotten in trouble, then it's also time for counseling.  IT's probably also time for YOU to get some counseling, if parenting your child is this confusing.





Sandy182
by on May. 25, 2013 at 12:22 PM
2 moms liked this

Teens are so good at being legalistic when they do not want to discuss something or are on the defensive.

Chances are there is truth to both sides. 

Anyway, make sure there are consequences for disrespectful behaviour to teacher and evasiveness to you. 

Cindy18
by Bronze Member on May. 25, 2013 at 12:53 PM

Sounds like he is lying. I never believe the excuse "that's not what I said, that's what they think they heard." I mean really what sounds like racist.

Harmoni73
by on May. 25, 2013 at 12:57 PM
2 moms liked this

One,He was trying to mislead me as some kids do, according to other moms, Two, how can a person set another person up to lie? It's impossible! and how would I know what happened in school if I wasn't there to see or hear anything? His teacher emailed me about what happen; but understand that PEOPLE don't hear clearly all the time and PEOPLE (adults. kids and teachers) lie too. I'm not the type of parent to just punish my kid off hear say, from anyone. I will first ask my child and try to figure out if he's lying from how he answers me and how he reacts, but regardless both parties are usually confronted to resolve any issues.But in this case maybe not, because my sons TEACHER has lied before, which I have confronted him about in the past. But, I still made my son apologize regardless of him saying that word or not because I DIDN"T beleive him because he made his self look guilty in MY eyes. Now, if this is how you're parenting your kids, it's very sad. Every one should be given the benefit of the doubt until proven guilty. Punishing your kids simply because an adult told you that your child has done something bad, is a form a child abuse, in my opinion. Running to a conselor everytime you have a problem is also a problem. We don't have those types of problems just yet, dear.


Quoting sabrtooth1:

One, he is lying thru his teeth.  Two, you set him up to lie.  You KNEW what happened at school, so why play 20 questions?   Any kid who would disrespect a teacher like that, WOULD lie, to save his ass.  Simply say, "I KNOW this is what you did.  THIS IS YOUR PUNISHMENT."  Have him write a letter to the teacher apologizing for his behavior.  YOU GO WITH HIM to school, and stand there while he delivers it, and watches the teacher read it.  If this is NOT the first time he's gotten in trouble, then it's also time for counseling.  IT's probably also time for YOU to get some counseling, if parenting your child is this confusing.



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