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at my wits end....

Posted by on May. 25, 2013 at 10:41 PM
  • 9 Replies

I am so frustrated and choking back tears as I type this. I have 4 children, 3 girls n 1 boy. My DD 17, the oldest had turned into a person I do not like. Asking her to do chores repeatedly and then half heartedly doing them, the mouth, attitude, talking back to her dad, yelling at her younger siblings. Just the overall typical teenage gripe, right??? Oh no it gets worse. Let her go over to my friends house to celebrate a birthday with friends daughter. It was a pool party. I get a call at work and my friend suspects that my daughter and her step son were doing something in the bathroom. I am work and cannot leave as I am working by myself. My friend said she was going to get to the bottom of it and call me back. In the meantime my daughter calls and I ask her WTH just happened. She claims she went in the house to change into her clothes, realized she left her shirt at the pool and asked the young man to get it. A family friend of my friends (20) says she saw both of them in the bathroom but wouldnt say if she heard anything. I wanna kick, scream, cry as I am stuck at work until midnite. I asked my friend to please bring her back to my home and I will deal with it then. I then called dad who said, call KAISER NOW! I cannot take this. Every since she turned 17 a month ago things have been a nightmare. I barely recognize my own child. I am not stupid and know that some teens are sexual. All I ask of her is if she is please let me know so that we can take the correct steps in protecting oneself. Abstinice (sp) would be perfect but we are all far from it. Just needed to vent and please forgive any and all grammatical/spelling errors. frustrated to no end. days like this I wanna run from being a mom.

by on May. 25, 2013 at 10:41 PM
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Replies (1-9):
luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on May. 25, 2013 at 10:47 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't understand the "call Kaiser now" comment, but let me say this. It is possible your DD is telling the truth, getting so pissed now without having a conversation with her (a calm, rational one) will only make the matter worse. 

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on May. 25, 2013 at 10:57 PM


Quoting luckysevenwow:

I don't understand the "call Kaiser now" comment, but let me say this. It is possible your DD is telling the truth, getting so pissed now without having a conversation with her (a calm, rational one) will only make the matter worse. 

I agree.    I think you are jumping to conclusions.   




layap
by New Member on May. 25, 2013 at 10:58 PM

by call Kaiser now, he meant call her Dr. With all the previous drama and the lying, at this point I honestly do not know who to believe.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on May. 25, 2013 at 11:01 PM

I get that she has been a challenge, and I'm sure that's being nice, but that doesn't mean everything that comes out of her mouth is a lie. 

Quoting layap:

by call Kaiser now, he meant call her Dr. With all the previous drama and the lying, at this point I honestly do not know who to believe.


gdiamante
by Bronze Member on May. 25, 2013 at 11:27 PM


Quoting layap:

I am so frustrated and choking back tears as I type this. I have 4 children, 3 girls n 1 boy. My DD 17, the oldest had turned into a person I do not like. Asking her to do chores repeatedly and then half heartedly doing them, the mouth, attitude, talking back to her dad, yelling at her younger siblings. Just the overall typical teenage gripe, right???

All of which get consequences, right? If they don't, time to start. Example: No tallowing her to go to the pool party would be a consequence. 

Oh no it gets worse. Let her go over to my friends house to celebrate a birthday with friends daughter. It was a pool party. I get a call at work and my friend suspects that my daughter and her step son were doing something in the bathroom. I am work and cannot leave as I am working by myself.

You don't need to leave. Let your friend handle it.

My friend said she was going to get to the bottom of it and call me back.

And has she?

In the meantime my daughter calls and I ask her WTH just happened. She claims she went in the house to change into her clothes, realized she left her shirt at the pool and asked the young man to get it.

Nothing you wrote at the beginning leads me to jump to the conclusion that she's lying now.

A family friend of my friends (20) says she saw both of them in the bathroom but wouldnt say if she heard anything.

Which may mean nothing.

I wanna kick, scream, cry as I am stuck at work until midnite. I asked my friend to please bring her back to my home and I will deal with it then.

Did your friend get to the bottom of it?

I then called dad who said, call KAISER NOW!

That seems to be a non-sequitur. What for?

I cannot take this. Every since she turned 17 a month ago things have been a nightmare. I barely recognize my own child. I am not stupid and know that some teens are sexual. All I ask of her is if she is please let me know so that we can take the correct steps in protecting oneself.

She may have already taken those steps, you know. Without your knowledge. According to California law (and your profile puts you in Sacramento), she doesn't need your permission to get birth control. http://www.teenhealthlaw.org/ask_the_experts/

Age for Consent

Q:  At what age may teens get birth control on their own consent?  At what age may teens consent to their own STD testing?

A:  Minors of ANY AGE may consent for medical care related to the prevention or treatment of pregnancy.  Cal. Family Code section 6925.  This includes the right to consent to contraception.  So, minors of any age may consent to birth control.  However, minors must be 12 years of age or older in order to consent for their own STD testing and treatment.  Cal. Family Code section 6926.  For more detail on California's minor consent laws, see our minor consent chart and our Minor Consent publication

Abstinice (sp) would be perfect but we are all far from it. Just needed to vent and please forgive any and all grammatical/spelling errors. frustrated to no end. days like this I wanna run from being a mom.

If anyone doesn't want to run away form the mom gig at least three times a week they're doing the job wrong. Because it's HARD.

layap
by New Member on May. 25, 2013 at 11:40 PM

said family friend says she saw young man leave the bathroom. I don't know what happened but I am also not naive. There are always consequences when things are not done. I felt like she needed a break because she is 17 and being at home on the weekend with your family is so not cool. I thought allowing her to go and have some fun w/out her siblings or her parents "nagging" her would allow all of us some breathing room. My shift at works currently sucks tues-sat evenings. I am all for birth control and let her know that upfront. I feel like she tells bits n pieces to the story and then when u get the truth it's I never said that. no parent wants their kid to be a teenage parent and he is a DAD, that's his baby. that's why he said call kaiser. We have been together since we were 15 (over 22yrs) and I was out of high school and almost 21 when we had her. I am flustered, a little embarassed by the situation. I didnt yell but I did question on why not ask her friends of another female friend to bring your top. once again, just venting.

daisykat
by on May. 26, 2013 at 12:07 AM
Ok, relax. Here's a suggestion- In the morning, go to the pharmacy, or if there's a 24 hour pharmacy open, even better. Buy the morning after pill. Bring it home and ask her point blank if she had sex with him. Tell her you will not yell, you will not lecture, but this could be a life-altering event if she wasn't protected. Give her the morning after pill and tell her if she had sex and wasn't protected, take it. If not, just hang on to it somewhere. Then, take her out to breakfast or lunch and have another long discussion about relationships and sex.

That said, you may be overreacting. They might have been making out, but that doesn't mean sex. Just relax, mama, until you have all the facts. I'm sure it will turn out ok.
gdiamante
by Bronze Member on May. 26, 2013 at 12:08 AM

It sounds like you're doing your best. As to bits and pieces, I think that's pretty normal. I was a "good kid" who only told bits and pieces to my parents. There wasn't anything for them to really be worried about, though.

on-my-grind
by on May. 26, 2013 at 3:31 PM

I am glad you want to be pro-activ, nows the time! lol 

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