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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Parties with Alcohol

Posted by on May. 31, 2013 at 4:06 PM
  • 33 Replies

 My DS is 16, almost 17, just finishing 10th grade (started a year late, long story). He was invited to a end-of-year party being thown by another 10th grader. When he asked me if he could go, I asked if there would be adults home. He said yes. I asked if there would be alcohol. He hesitated before honestly answering Yes. I asked if he planned to participate in the drinking, he answered Probably.

When I was in high school my BFF's mom hosted all the parties. She knew there was underage drinking but she had rules that we were all required to follow if we wanted to have these parties. No one ever got hurt, no one drinking ever drove, and we weren't allowed obvious containers (plausible deniability I guess). She recognized that we were going to drink and party anyway, but in the comfort and safety of her home we were semi-supervised, safe and in the event of an emergency she was there.

While I am not willing to accept responsibility of underage drinking in my home, I think am willing to allow my son to attend a party where it is happening. He is a responsible guy, gets all A's in advanced classes and is active in sports. He knows he can call us at any time if he or his friends are in trouble, no matter what. I have confidence in him to make good decisions but have never seen him in a peer-pressure type situation. We have agreed in many cases that until he gives us a reason not to, we will trust him. His maternal grandfather and bio-mom both suffer from life consuming alcohol and drug addictions, so we (including DS) are all aware of his vulnerability.

So fellow moms, what are your thoughts? DH and I are leaning toward letting him go, but I'd love to hear your opinions.

Thanks! Anna

by on May. 31, 2013 at 4:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on May. 31, 2013 at 4:26 PM
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Mine did not drink in HS. Most parties were here. I checked purses. No water bottles or outside drinks brought in. 3 kids died last year after leaving a party with alcohol furnished by parents. 2 had graduated with my dd a few weeks earlier.
No way would my girls attend a party like that. I would probably call the cops. My dd has willingly told me she stayed home from parties she knew had alcohol. Most of the time her friends told her horror stories and one friend was assaulted at a drunken party.
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Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on May. 31, 2013 at 5:04 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm with PP..no way! And would probably call the cops.

Letting YOUR children drink in YOUR home is one thing. Knowingly allow them to break the law and expect someone else to be responsible? Hell no!
sabrtooth1
by on May. 31, 2013 at 5:14 PM
2 moms liked this

Never in a million years.  My kids never drank in HS either.  We also would NEVER have let them go to a party at a home where I did not COMPLETELY know the parents, and know that their parenting styles were the same as ours.  Plus, we always called the parents ourselves, to make sure everyone was on the same page.  We had a lot of parties at our house.  DH would stand at the door and tell the kids as they arrived, "No alcohol, no drugs, and no sex in our house".  Those that didn't like the rules, left.  But that rarely happened.

We also had kids around here die of alcohol poisoning, girls were molested at parties, & one girl was knifed and died because the boy was all liquored up, and would not take NO for an answer.  Far more of them died after they got in their cars.   Besides the legal liability, we had NO desire to have someone's death or pregnancy, on our conscience.

There is NO reason to KNOWINGLY place your child in a dangerous, illegal position, and then say, "I "trust" you to be good".  Kids are vunerable to peer pressure.  Even the best kids, are KIDS.  And "trusting until he gives you a reason not to"...  Stupid.  What if the "reason" is, he's arrested?  Injured?  DEAD?

Jennanonymous
by on May. 31, 2013 at 5:46 PM

My in-laws hosted parties like that for DH and his brother. Not at that young of an age though. They were in their senior years and they have very stricts rules for the kids who attended like you said your BFFs parents had. I would not support it or allow it at that young of an age. I grew up with a family of alcoholics and drug addicts and have noticed the younger drinking and/or drug use is allowed the higher the change of a problem later on. Especially since drinking between the ages of 12-23 usually is drinking to get drunk at parties, not just sitting around enjoying a few drinks over a long span. IMO if you encourage him to wait until he is 21 he is less likely of developing a problem with it since most, not all but most, individuals are out of college and starting careers/families by 24 so the partying only lasts a few short years instead of drawn out for almost a decade.

atlmom2
by Susie on May. 31, 2013 at 6:00 PM
1 mom liked this
We did the same thing, lol. Kids knew. Come to our house for lots of fun but NO drinking, drugs or anything.


Quoting sabrtooth1:

Never in a million years.  My kids never drank in HS either.  We also would NEVER have let them go to a party at a home where I did not COMPLETELY know the parents, and know that their parenting styles were the same as ours.  Plus, we always called the parents ourselves, to make sure everyone was on the same page.  We had a lot of parties at our house.  DH would stand at the door and tell the kids as they arrived, "No alcohol, no drugs, and no sex in our house".  Those that didn't like the rules, left.  But that rarely happened.

We also had kids around here die of alcohol poisoning, girls were molested at parties, & one girl was knifed and died because the boy was all liquored up, and would not take NO for an answer.  Far more of them died after they got in their cars.   Besides the legal liability, we had NO desire to have someone's death or pregnancy, on our conscience.

There is NO reason to KNOWINGLY place your child in a dangerous, illegal position, and then say, "I "trust" you to be good".  Kids are vunerable to peer pressure.  Even the best kids, are KIDS.  And "trusting until he gives you a reason not to"...  Stupid.  What if the "reason" is, he's arrested?  Injured?  DEAD?


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atlmom2
by Susie on May. 31, 2013 at 6:03 PM
FYI, the parents that gave the alcohol to the kids that died got a slap on the wrist. No jail time.
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02nana07
by Ida on May. 31, 2013 at 6:22 PM
2 moms liked this

 Hopefully this is a joke he makes good decisions but chooses to break the law by drinking.  It can't be both either he makes good decisions or having a family of alcoholics he chooses to drink. 

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on May. 31, 2013 at 6:33 PM
1 mom liked this

Sends the wrong message, a party doesn't need alcohol to be fun. Is that really the message that should be sent to young kids?

My answer would be no. There would be no hesitation from me on that one either.

fammatthews4
by Trisha on May. 31, 2013 at 10:15 PM
I wouldn't allow it. Why would you willing let your child break the law?
boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on May. 31, 2013 at 11:18 PM
1 mom liked this

My answer would be No.   Once you give permission, you are condoning illegal and irresponsible behavior and  even though you appreciate your son's honesty and trust him.... it is sending him mixed messages.





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