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Anybody out there have experience with Parental Alienation Syndrome???

Posted by on Jun. 4, 2013 at 7:02 PM
  • 22 Replies

Last year I made the stupid mistake of allowing my 12 year old daughter to live with her father. I lost my job, couldn't afford apartment and decided to live with boyfriend whom she disliked.  She wanted to live with her father, who is married to a paralegal who has a daugher slightly older than my daughter.  I thought she would have stability and discipline that she needed.  She was always upset at my moving almost every year due to losing jobs.  His wife made up an agreement for the school year, to end this month, for her to live with them, and I had to give them child support of $200 month to help support both kids (my 17 year old son has lived with him for 7 years).  Despite the fact that he's a jerk and disrespectful towards me, I had hopes that his wife who is a "nice Christian woman" who I had a good relationship with would overrule his lack of values and respect.  Unfortunately this did not come out to happen. They are now both bullies obsessed with the support money and do not want this agreement to end.   I recently moved out of boyfriends house and got my own home for them to come to, and her own room, but they don't even want to come.  They have alienated my kids towards me..  My daughter "hates" me more than ever, and wants to continue living with them.  I only want shared custody, 2 nights a week and every other weekend, but he won't let me have that because it would mean support would end.  If I don't continue to pay him, he "threatens" that our daughter will come to live with me fulltime which is making her crazy, as if living with me would torture, which I don't understand since all I do is love her, dote on her, buy her stuff, and try to do stuff with her.  He has taught them disrespect,  and total disregard for me as a parent,  I feel as if I lost my daughter and even a connection with my son, who's 17, but now that he's a little older, he's a little more mature and respectful and loving towards me.  I'm so distraught, reading a book on Parental Alienation Syndrome and my heart is breaking.  I am taking him to court now for modification of custody and support, but I'm wondering if this is going to make the situation worse or better.  All weekend, she just cried and screamed to go along with his plan and allow her to stay with him, and continue paying him... Kept stating how she hates me and will hate me more if I don't go along with it, that he won't share her, etc.  It was like a dagger in the heart.  I'm asking for counseling/therapy for the kids as part of this motion, but my therapist says it won't do any good if they reject it.  I know that her being an adolescent girl doesn't help her angst against me, but I'm just trying really hard to think positive that eventually I will have a better relationship with my kids, not worse.  I can't give up on her/them.  I am torn apart, kicking myself for giving them up and now I have to fight to get them back...

If anyone has any similar stories, advice, or encouragement, please help ease my pain by sharing.  Thank you. 

 

by on Jun. 4, 2013 at 7:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Jun. 4, 2013 at 8:39 PM
2 moms liked this

Have you gotten a job that you can hold on to? What alarms me here is that you say you moved every year due to losing jobs. That could play against you severely in court. If you've got that settled then you can start disproving all the bad things said about you. Kids are smart. 

Good luck in court!

Ceremony
by Member on Jun. 4, 2013 at 9:40 PM

It sounds like your daughter likes where she is. I wouldn't tempt the court system right now. Wait it out a bit and my bet is she'll come around.

Taurusmom2
by on Jun. 4, 2013 at 10:57 PM

I have been working a job for the past 2 years but it downgraded to per diem last summer.  I've had a couple of other f/t jobs but due to illness in the beginning of the year, they cut me unexpectedly and of course wouldn't admit it was due to calling out.  I am starting a new job next week that I am thrilled about, same place, almost same job but f/t.  I got a place of my own.  And I'm not asking for full custody, just p/t shared.  He has taken total control away from me in parenting and won't share her.  I'm not planning on "taking her out of her happy environment"  I just want a couple of nights and every other weekend to re-establish the bond.  My ex is definitely brainwashing her and not encouraging positive thoughts/feelingsabout me, and is constantly harrassing me about money.  It's a matter of stopping his bully control and bringing him down a notch or two and stopping his alienation of my kids against me. 

Our informal agreement ends June 7th which is why I have to bring this to court to do a formal, court approved modification of support and custody.  He is threatening his daughter that if I don't pay him she's coming to live with me f/t.  This is supposedly a death sentence to her, and he's encouraging that.  He is married and his wife is a paralegal.  They are not starving and go on vacations every week, Disney, the Keys, cruises, etc.  He  is unemployed and claims food stamps too, pretending he is single and unemployed and needs food stamps.  While I am struggling on my own, and just want to bond with her a little more.  I know this is going to hurt her, but I need to do it.  Hopefully the end result will be a better one than him continuing his rampage. 

 

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Jun. 4, 2013 at 11:10 PM
3 moms liked this


Quoting Taurusmom2:

I have been working a job for the past 2 years but it downgraded to per diem last summer.  I've had a couple of other f/t jobs but due to illness in the beginning of the year, they cut me unexpectedly and of course wouldn't admit it was due to calling out.  I am starting a new job next week that I am thrilled about, same place, almost same job but f/t.  I got a place of my own.  And I'm not asking for full custody, just p/t shared.  He has taken total control away from me in parenting and won't share her.  I'm not planning on "taking her out of her happy environment"  I just want a couple of nights and every other weekend to re-establish the bond.  My ex is definitely brainwashing her and not encouraging positive thoughts/feelingsabout me, and is constantly harrassing me about money.  It's a matter of stopping his bully control and bringing him down a notch or two and stopping his alienation of my kids against me. 

Our informal agreement ends June 7th which is why I have to bring this to court to do a formal, court approved modification of support and custody.  He is threatening his daughter that if I don't pay him she's coming to live with me f/t.  This is supposedly a death sentence to her, and he's encouraging that.  He is married and his wife is a paralegal.  They are not starving and go on vacations every week, Disney, the Keys, cruises, etc.  He  is unemployed and claims food stamps too, pretending he is single and unemployed and needs food stamps.  While I am struggling on my own, and just want to bond with her a little more.  I know this is going to hurt her, but I need to do it.  Hopefully the end result will be a better one than him continuing his rampage. 


If he is married,  yet claiming to be single and collecting food stamps... that is easily proven in court...which should play in your favor.    I can't imagine the courts not allowing you visitation at the very least...    I would stop paying him, unless the CS is court ordered and see if he makes good on his threats to send your DD to you full time, if he does, she will understand he wants money, not her.




gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Jun. 4, 2013 at 11:43 PM
1 mom liked this

Congratulations on the new job! 

Sounds like he's committing fraud on the food stamps. I'd be reporting it.

Taurusmom2
by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 1:43 AM
thank you ladies. reported fraud anonymously. not sure if followed up on... cs is not court ordered and i have stopped. he did get lawyer andwas served. waiting for response
fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Jun. 5, 2013 at 8:35 AM

 Yes I have and usually it is with smaller children.  I haven't heard of a case that started at 12. 

Janeite
by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 10:53 AM

Yes, we experienced this with my husband and his ex. We got through it by being consistently there for the kids no matter what happened or what was said.  

mizz_mindylou
by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 11:07 AM

 SHE IS PROBABLY CRYING NOT TO COME BACK TO YOU BECAUSE AS YOU HAVE STATED ABOVE YOU HAVENT DONE VERY WELL IN BEING A MOTHER AND PROVIDING A SAFE ENVIRONMENT FOR HER THAT HIS STABLE AND SHE IS TIRED OF THE BACK AND FOURTH AND WANTS SOME STABILITY IF YOU KEEP PUSHING IT YOU ARE JUST PUSHING HER FURTHER AND FURTHER AWAY GOOD LUCK AND IM SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN:)

DropZoneMom
by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 12:23 PM
3 moms liked this

Respect is EARNED, not commanded.   And you, apparently, haven't done anything to deserve your ex's respect.    He & his wife have nothing to do with the 'alientation' you're experiencing -- you created that ALL on your own.   You can't hold down a job, you're constantly moving, and (at least in your daughter's eyes) you chose to live with a BOYFRIEND instead of HER.    You already seperated her from her brother when you sent him away.   It also sounds like you haven't kept up your end of the deal (paying the $200 in support -- which doesn't come CLOSE to paying your half of your childrens' expenses).   And now YOU'RE the one trying to turn it into a money issue?   REALLY????      LEAVE BOTH KIDS WITH THEIR FATHER.   They're MUCH better off in a sane, stable environment.

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