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I'm completely torn...

Posted by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 12:26 AM
  • 61 Replies
We just sold our house, and the plan was to move into another house or apartment in the same school district. Our sons are 16 and 10. So anyway, my husband tells me his brother is willing to let us live in his home rent-free for the summer, or however long it takes us to find a suitable place. He lives in the Twin Cities, Minnesota. Now, suddenly, my husband has decided that we will NOT be looking for a home in rural Wisconsin so our kids can continue at the same school, instead he wants to live in Minneapolis, which is an hour from where we are now. My oldest only has two years of high school left and is devastated. His grades are excellent and he flourishes at this school. My youngest has some cognitive and speech issues, and all the teachers there know him, he's known all his classmates since he was in pre-k. I feel he would be teased in a new school. My husband's argument for moving is that he has to drive to Minneapolis everyday for work and it would be easier if we just lived there. He has a company car, so there's no issues with a vehicle. He's done it for 11 years and now he doesn't want to drive anymore. I could also make more money there, but I can't help but worry about our sons. What in the world do I do? Move them to the city and a new school? Or stay here where their friends and great teachers are? I'm really desperate for help with this one.
by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 12:26 AM
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by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 12:30 AM
by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 2:22 AM
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I would be very torn too. Is there at least any way you and hubby can agree to live in your same district at least until your oldest graduates? It seems really unfair to put him in a new HS when he only has 2 yrs left and is doing great. HS is to me the hardest age for a kid to have to switch schools. I know if hubby DOES agree, youll be in the same quandry in 2 yrs with your younger child, but then at least it will only be 1 child affected, and youll have time to prepare your younger one for the transfer. And who knows, maybe hubby will decide he wants to stay rural for the long term. Good luck mama, hugs!
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by Grumpy on Jun. 5, 2013 at 8:32 AM
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At some point the kids have to learn how to make new friends. I wanted mine to grow up in the same school system, but they didn't. In fact, when we finally settled down where we are, they changed the district after 2 years and my youngest, who just started to make friends had to go to a different school. It happens.
by Barbara on Jun. 5, 2013 at 9:51 AM

I haven't heard the best things about Minneapolis schools, but at the same time, I know some people that have been happy with them.

A lot of my son's friends are probably going to De La Salle High School (private), and I have heard good things about Minnehaha Academy too. If you're going to save by not having to pay rent, maybe a private school is an option.

Also, you're probably aware that Minnesota is a school choice state, so you can enroll your kids in any district in the state as long as they have room for them. If you're willing to drive them (or let the oldest drive himself), they could go to Hopkins or Minnetonka or any other district that has room for them. A lot of Minneapolis kids go to the Roseville schools, at least according to my son's friends that go to RAMS.

I had looked at Avalon Charter School (in STP near Mlps boarder), and I fell in love with it. Unfortunately, the transportation didn't work out for our schedule. If we aren't happy with his high school, I would probably transfer him there once is driving.

by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 10:02 AM
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Well gee that is a tough one. Well in my opinion I would sit down w/hubby and weigh all the issues and the pros and cons of the situation. I can understand his point of view and that he doesnt want to drive all that way...but you said he has been doing this all along anyway so I guess he is just tired of it now?? Well is it possible to find a place there so the kids can stay at the school? If it were me I would think about doing what is best for my kids first. You said your older son has 2 more years of school left. WEll that seems like a long time but it flies by...why not just wait until he graduates? I mean I dont understand why your hubby has been ok with this arrangement all along and now cant do it anymore. I mean I think I would want to do whats best for the kids first. I can actually relate to this problem  well because a similar thing happened to me when I was in high school. My mom always moved when I was in elementary school and I never stayed in one school long enough to make any real friends so it was bad for me. Then when I got into high school same thing as w/your son...I did great, had great friends and was doing great. Then my mom wanted to move us into another area and school district and I had 1 or 2 more yrs of school before I graduated and so it was hard on me at that time. But what happened with me was that my older sister and her hubby lived down the block from the school and offered to have me stay with them until I finished. It worked out well for me at that time. Is there any way you can make an arrangement like that? I mean, I get your point of view and your hubbys but I guess because I had such a difficult childhood always moving into different schools it was hard on me so I always said I would never do that to my own son. Im not in any way saying anything bad will happen for you or your family I am just sharing my experience. I know Im probably not being much help,sorry about that, I was just giving you my point of view. I hope it works out for you and your family:)

by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 10:33 AM
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Kids education should come first my dh has have to drive in So.CA 2 hours one way. As a parent you make the sacrifice not the kids!

by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 10:42 AM

Don't get me wrong we were in the military and we had to move and the kids excepted that, but if your dh can still drive to work and the kids stay in a school were they are doing good well I would not move them.

when I read about your son that has speech issues, i just thought that he will have a hard time in another school, it hard to make friends.

by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 11:00 AM


by on Jun. 5, 2013 at 11:28 AM
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What is better for the family as a whole, and that means taking into account that all of that driving is wearing on your husband. Make a list of pro's and con's. Then discuss it. 

My husband has been distance driving for years. I mean years we live rural Idaho, so he always has to travel. Before it wasn't such a big deal, but over the last few years it's really 'getting' to him. Thankfully him and my son are working the same place now so they carpool. That little thing has improved his mood ten fold!

My husband asked me for one week, to do the drive that he does. I can tell you it was hellish and I am surprised he has done it as long as he has. 

As for the kids, make a trip up there. Look around, get a feel for what the schools will be like, the atmospere etc,.. they may like it. While I believe the kids should be taken into consideration. I think it's what's best for the family that should make the decision.

by Member on Jun. 5, 2013 at 11:55 AM

Why on earth didn't you and your husband discuss these issues BEFORE selling your home?

Why did you sell your home BEFORE finding a new place to live?

This decision is not your husband's to make alone. You BOTH need to sit down TOGETHER, and figure out what is best for the FAMILY.

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