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Sometimes I wonder where I went wrong with my teenage son.

Posted by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 3:28 PM
  • 24 Replies

 He can be rude and disrespectful. please don't tell me I allow this to happen. I have tried to not allow it to happen. He's failing in school. I've found these huge bottles of vodka in his room, all empty btw. I am now realizing he's been sneaking out of the house for a long time. At least I suspect he has. We have a move coming up, theres lots I need his help with. he's sixteen so he can very well pitch in and help. I have an 8 month old baby, an 8 year old girl and my dh is away. Trying to get ds to help is like pulling teeth. he certainly don't seem to be turning out to be that polite kind man I wished he would become. Its sad really. That sweet little boy he used to be (you know the one who loved his mother and his mother loved him back and I still very much do, the mother who spent boo koo time with him playing with him, teaching him, helping him for hours on end with homework that he just never seemed to complete  ...hindsight here, he's always had problems with getting his work done) I just lost it with him today. tried so hard not to but I blew it. It all started with me asking him where he was going to be tomorrow. (We're moving and he said he wanted thursday free so he could spend time with his girlfriend. I was fine with that. problem is that sense he's been getting in trouble lately I wanted to know where he was going to be. I haven't even met this girlfriend of his. Today he changes his story. Claims he never said that he was going to visit his girlfriend but he did want thursday free. So I asked where are you going to be. I just need to know where you are. Thats all. His response was to sit there in silence in front of the computer continuing to watch his utube video. I wanted to bop him a good one right then and there but seeing as how teens are crazy brained and do stupid things I decided to just say get off the computer. you sitting there straight up ignoring someone when they are trying to ask you a question is rude. he does this a lot. You ask a question. he just sits silently and don't say a word. long story short he continued to not listen to me so I just blew up on him. Of course this only served to make him think he is now justified in being angry at me. ugggg......teeens. He even said fuck you and thats the first time he has ever said that crap to my face. I was livid. Seeing as how I was about to reach out and touch his ass....i decided I better go cool down. i'm sitting here thinking what the heck did this child miss from us parents. what did we leave out when raising him?  I honestly feel so dissappointed in who he is becoming. I get the feeling he's going to be one of those lazy self centered types. maybe not. i suppose i do see a glimmer of hope that this is just a crazy self centered teenage phase and he will grow out of it. I see other kids his age offering to help when my own son won't. I know they say don't always blame yourself but I can't help but to wonder. Its not that I haven't tried. If I did mess up it was due to not knowing any better more than anything. I want my little boy back. It breaks my heart.

by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 3:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Mom2Boys9501
by Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 3:39 PM
3 moms liked this
Honestly if my boys had told me to f off I wouldn't have held back. I think he knows he can/say what he wants and you won't do anything. His actions need to start having consequences. As I tell my boys you can choose to behave however you want but I choose your consequences.
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atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 12, 2013 at 3:42 PM
3 moms liked this
Rehab, counseling. Strict consequences. Not leaving the house. I would get an alarm system.
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TranquilMind
by Bronze Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 3:58 PM

 Hopefully, it is temporary insanity.

We've had some tough times with the oldest too, and there are no babies here diverting our attention and both parents are present in the home, attend church, spend a lot of time with the kids, etc.

You can do everything right (though no one does - I wish I had been more patient and less reactionary in the past) and still get some bad results for a time.  It's not over until it's over. 

That said, there has to be a painful consequence for disrespect.  I don't know what you can take away or refuse to do, but there has to be some consequence you calmly deliver and no matter what he does, you don't give in.

The drinking puts YOU at risk, as well as him.  That has to be stopped immediately. 

christina259
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 4:20 PM

 

Quoting TranquilMind:

 Hopefully, it is temporary insanity.

We've had some tough times with the oldest too, and there are no babies here diverting our attention and both parents are present in the home, attend church, spend a lot of time with the kids, etc.

You can do everything right (though no one does - I wish I had been more patient and less reactionary in the past) and still get some bad results for a time.  It's not over until it's over. 

That said, there has to be a painful consequence for disrespect.  I don't know what you can take away or refuse to do, but there has to be some consequence you calmly deliver and no matter what he does, you don't give in.

The drinking puts YOU at risk, as well as him.  That has to be stopped immediately. 

 We are moving very soon and he wanted to spend thursday with his friends. he deserves to be grounded but with us moving and the fact that he's feeling bummed about leaving his friends I wonder if I should do that or find some other consequence. What do you think?

TranquilMind
by Bronze Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 4:24 PM

 I don't know if I am the person to ask.  I've always given in on things like that, involving friends, because we didn't get to see them just anytime.  If you do, then require some other consequence in exchange, and make it clear that it is due to this extraneous situation of moving ONLY. 

Quoting christina259:

 

Quoting TranquilMind:

 Hopefully, it is temporary insanity.

We've had some tough times with the oldest too, and there are no babies here diverting our attention and both parents are present in the home, attend church, spend a lot of time with the kids, etc.

You can do everything right (though no one does - I wish I had been more patient and less reactionary in the past) and still get some bad results for a time.  It's not over until it's over. 

That said, there has to be a painful consequence for disrespect.  I don't know what you can take away or refuse to do, but there has to be some consequence you calmly deliver and no matter what he does, you don't give in.

The drinking puts YOU at risk, as well as him.  That has to be stopped immediately. 

 We are moving very soon and he wanted to spend thursday with his friends. he deserves to be grounded but with us moving and the fact that he's feeling bummed about leaving his friends I wonder if I should do that or find some other consequence. What do you think?

 

atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 12, 2013 at 4:26 PM
He could spend time with his friends, in my house in my presence.


Quoting christina259:

 


Quoting TranquilMind:


 Hopefully, it is temporary insanity.


We've had some tough times with the oldest too, and there are no babies here diverting our attention and both parents are present in the home, attend church, spend a lot of time with the kids, etc.


You can do everything right (though no one does - I wish I had been more patient and less reactionary in the past) and still get some bad results for a time.  It's not over until it's over. 


That said, there has to be a painful consequence for disrespect.  I don't know what you can take away or refuse to do, but there has to be some consequence you calmly deliver and no matter what he does, you don't give in.


The drinking puts YOU at risk, as well as him.  That has to be stopped immediately. 


 We are moving very soon and he wanted to spend thursday with his friends. he deserves to be grounded but with us moving and the fact that he's feeling bummed about leaving his friends I wonder if I should do that or find some other consequence. What do you think?


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christina259
by on Jun. 12, 2013 at 4:27 PM

 

Quoting Mom2Boys9501:

Honestly if my boys had told me to f off I wouldn't have held back. I think he knows he can/say what he wants and you won't do anything. His actions need to start having consequences. As I tell my boys you can choose to behave however you want but I choose your consequences.

 would you ground him even though you knew you all were moving and it was his last chance to see his friends? I definitely know he needs a consequence. Trying to think whats the best thing to do. I hate to ground him when I know this is the last week he may see his friends but I hate even more not making him realize his behavior is unacceptable. i had to walk away. i was seriously feeling myself getting out of control and what  good would that do other than show  him i don't handle my own anger very well. i think I've already done that to some extent .I was loud and really wanted to grab him and shake some sense into him. lordy he pushes my buttons. I'm calm now, next thing, consequences just feeling unsure about the grounding and not having chance to see his friends before we leave. should I even care after that?

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Jun. 12, 2013 at 6:16 PM
2 moms liked this

I would tell him if he wants to see his friends tomorrow, then he better get his butt in gear and his head on straight and help you out tonight!   Work his butt off...make him earn the priveledge of one last day with his buddies.      Remember, he may be leaving his friends behind, but you are taking him & his attitude with you.




luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Jun. 12, 2013 at 7:37 PM
1 mom liked this

He knew you were moving, he knew he wanted to spend time with his friends and then he is an ass and you want to know if he should be grounded from his friend? That is why he acts the way he does. He made choices and those choices were the wrong ones, the consequence is he can stay home and help you all move. Disconnect the internet, pack up all of his none essential items, and let him feel what his life will be like if he doesn't pull his shit together.

If he can take it like a 'man' then, without telling him about it, let him have a different day to go visiting. Sorry, had my kids said that to me, their mouth would have met my hand. 

Quoting christina259:

 

Quoting Mom2Boys9501:

Honestly if my boys had told me to f off I wouldn't have held back. I think he knows he can/say what he wants and you won't do anything. His actions need to start having consequences. As I tell my boys you can choose to behave however you want but I choose your consequences.

 would you ground him even though you knew you all were moving and it was his last chance to see his friends? I definitely know he needs a consequence. Trying to think whats the best thing to do. I hate to ground him when I know this is the last week he may see his friends but I hate even more not making him realize his behavior is unacceptable. i had to walk away. i was seriously feeling myself getting out of control and what  good would that do other than show  him i don't handle my own anger very well. i think I've already done that to some extent .I was loud and really wanted to grab him and shake some sense into him. lordy he pushes my buttons. I'm calm now, next thing, consequences just feeling unsure about the grounding and not having chance to see his friends before we leave. should I even care after that?


bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Jun. 12, 2013 at 9:24 PM

 

Quoting luckysevenwow:

He knew you were moving, he knew he wanted to spend time with his friends and then he is an ass and you want to know if he should be grounded from his friend? That is why he acts the way he does. He made choices and those choices were the wrong ones, the consequence is he can stay home and help you all move. Disconnect the internet, pack up all of his none essential items, and let him feel what his life will be like if he doesn't pull his shit together.

If he can take it like a 'man' then, without telling him about it, let him have a different day to go visiting. Sorry, had my kids said that to me, their mouth would have met my hand. 

Quoting christina259:

 

Quoting Mom2Boys9501:

Honestly if my boys had told me to f off I wouldn't have held back. I think he knows he can/say what he wants and you won't do anything. His actions need to start having consequences. As I tell my boys you can choose to behave however you want but I choose your consequences.

 would you ground him even though you knew you all were moving and it was his last chance to see his friends? I definitely know he needs a consequence. Trying to think whats the best thing to do. I hate to ground him when I know this is the last week he may see his friends but I hate even more not making him realize his behavior is unacceptable. i had to walk away. i was seriously feeling myself getting out of control and what  good would that do other than show  him i don't handle my own anger very well. i think I've already done that to some extent .I was loud and really wanted to grab him and shake some sense into him. lordy he pushes my buttons. I'm calm now, next thing, consequences just feeling unsure about the grounding and not having chance to see his friends before we leave. should I even care after that?


 I agree, he doesn't deserve ANY privilges, those things are not a right, they are EARNED, sounds like he has done nothing to help out and earn them and done quite a bit and been disrespectful enough for sure to have the privileges taken away. Good luck.

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