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Advice Needed: teen son vs fiancee.

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I constantly feel like I am in the middle of my teen son and my fiancee. Any advice on how to cope?  My fiancee is wonderful and we have a daughter together.  My son is wonderful but he is 14 and rebelling.  His father doesn't discipline him at all, I feel I am firm but fair and a bit light on punishmment but not lazy. My fiancee is old school, set in his ways and too strict in my opinon.  We are in a constant battle.


by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:31 PM
Replies (11-20):
bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Jun. 18, 2013 at 3:07 AM
1 mom liked this
Until he is step dad, you need to be main disciplinarian. My kids are always my top priority
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lancet98
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 8:41 AM
1 mom liked this

It's your son.   You have the final word in how he is punished.  For better or for worse.

justjess1025
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:09 AM
1 mom liked this



Quoting sabrtooth1:

Quoting justjess1025:    My fiancee is old school, set in his ways and too strict in my opinon.  We are in a constant battle.

Should have figured that one out before you decided to have MORE children with men you are not married to.


Ouch.. not sure if that was meant to be hurtful or helpful :)  Since you do not know me or my situation or the fact that I have been constantly praised by school officials, teachers, coaches, friends, and even my pediatrician on how  strong my family unit is, or that my son in question is an honor roll student who is also a state champion  in his sport,  I will not take offense.   While my ex husband is not a disciplinarian, he is very supportive in other areas along with my fiancee and the 3 of us work together very well in other areas.   I was simply seeking advice on an issue to better my family in a safe environment.    


Northwest_angel
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:17 AM
2 moms liked this
Step dad should not be disciplining his way, he needs to support you and back you up. You and bio dad should be the only primary disciplinarians in his life. Step parents should be supporting figures.
boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:42 AM
3 moms liked this

Start with your fiancee.   You need to set boundaries regarding your son and get on the same page.   If you allow your fiancee to overrule you, your son will be resentful.     YOU make the rules.




lnrmom
by Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 2:58 PM
1 mom liked this

 This.


Quoting atlmom2:

Set limits with all 3 of you there, and consequences that will happen. You 2 agree on discipline. If you are not married you need to be the diciplinarian, but he needs to respect your fiance and not be rude.


 

02nana07
by Ida on Jun. 18, 2013 at 7:13 PM
1 mom liked this

 I feel if he isn't your husband it should be your choice how he is disciplined.  He should worry about his child.  If you get married you need to decide how to discipline or there will be problems and your son will resent you.

DropZoneMom
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 9:00 PM
1 mom liked this

He's your FIANCE.   NOT your Husband.   NOT your son's father.   IMO, he doesn't have the right to discipline your kid, PERIOD.    That being said:   you need to step up as the ONLY parent, & put some rules in place -- and then follow through with some REAL consequences if/when your son disobeys.

codfish
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 9:08 PM
1 mom liked this
A big part of the problem is that he is not the step-dad. It is very confusing to kids to have a live-in, not a step-parent. I know, I dealt with that at your ds age. I highly recommend counseling. While your ds shouldn't make decisions for the family, you need to look at what your child needs. He doesn't need a father figure who clearly doesn't want to be that person.
TranquilMind
by Bronze Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 9:49 PM
1 mom liked this

 This is between you and your son.  You are the Mom.  He is not the Dad and is not your husband even.  He should stay out of it now, and work on relationship-building until he earns your son's trust and respect.  Then he will have a platform to be heard. Until then, he is wasting his time. 

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