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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Advice Needed: teen son vs fiancee.

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I constantly feel like I am in the middle of my teen son and my fiancee. Any advice on how to cope?  My fiancee is wonderful and we have a daughter together.  My son is wonderful but he is 14 and rebelling.  His father doesn't discipline him at all, I feel I am firm but fair and a bit light on punishmment but not lazy. My fiancee is old school, set in his ways and too strict in my opinon.  We are in a constant battle.


by on Jun. 17, 2013 at 8:31 PM
Replies (21-23):
chrissypea21
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 2:12 AM
1 mom liked this

You need to talk to your son and tell him that he is setting a bad example for your daughter and ask him if he really wants to see you cry, because you will if your fiancee and him don't get along. You need to talk to his father and lay out what you need to say. Be straight forward. He needs to lay down the law as well. He probably feels like your fiancee is trying to replace is father when he disciplines him and things like that, because teens usually don't do well with discipline anyway. I was a teen once, and I didn't get along with my mother very well. I always got in trouble and I felt like she hated me when she would yell at me, and I felt like she loved my other sisters more than me because they hardly ever got yelled at, when really, it was just me misbehaving..talk to him and see what's up.

Monsita
by Bronze Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 1:42 AM
1 mom liked this

 


Quoting justjess1025:

Our daughter is almost 3.  We have been together almost 5 years.  My son has always been rebellious, my other 2 boys are fine with him and they get along great but the middle one, typical middle child.. one minute they are best friends, the next at each other's throats.  My son doesnt like any authority.  He doesnt like being challenged. From coaches to teaches to us.  His father doesn't want to deal with him so he just gives him whatever he wants, so now he hates us and wants to live with his father.   I am hoping someday he realizes that the ones who have challenged him most are the ones who have cared.  He is exhausting.  My Fiance has no patience with him and has zero tolerance.  While I agree he needs to be respectful I also have tolerance for teens/ attitude and hormones so I can pick my battles vs everything being a constant battle but then it causes problems for me with my fiance.  Sorry, totally rambling.. lol

Having ZERO patience and tolerance for teen's behavior is going to cause more damage in the relationship than anything else....Please, find a way to help each other to be more kind with each ether's point of view on how things should be handled.....

 

LoveonHollySt
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 7:40 AM
1 mom liked this
Quoting Txlisa7969:

My Dh is Step-Dad to my two teen daughters (we have a 6 yr old son together).  Starting around the age of 11 he and my younger daughter starting butting heads big time.  We switched things up some and I am now the "heavy" when dealing with her.  I do all the dicipline with my girls.  It was recommended to me by a counselor that the biological parents needs to be the one setting limits and giving out the concenquences.  Granted our situation is a little unique in the fact that I wasn't divorced but was widowed from my girl's father so he isn't in the picture at all.  It helped her's and my Dh's relationship quite a bit.  He gets to be the nice guy now.  It's what has worked for us. 

This has worked for us too. My dh has a 16 yo son and we have a 3yo and a 1yo together. Dh has always be the bad guy and our oldest (teen) respects him for it. When something goes astray we (dh and me) each take son aside separately and talk to him. Then we come together and hash it out and come to a final conclusion. After all of this, it is dh's turn to enforce boundaries. I used to try to help with this part but I was brought up in the strictest of manners. Tempers flew (Myself and Son are both hot heads) and it was not a pretty sight. As the bp I think you should be the bad guy. But this also means that you need to stick to your guns and ask your fiance's opinion and try to implement them into your final actions. It will get some getting used to but it should help.

Be Happy In The Day He Has Given You

angel

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