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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

When to kick teenager out

Posted by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 9:14 AM
  • 15 Replies

My son barely qualifies for this category since he's now 19 but I need advice.  In his younger years he got into trouble with the law a couple of times, gravitated towards the bad kids and its been a struggle keeping him on a good track.  (Underage drinking, assault, unreported car accident...)  After high school graduation in 2012 he didn't know what he wanted to do with his life.  Since he struggled in school he refused to go to community college for the generals.  He started working for a temp agency and tried a few fields.  He finally decided to go to school for HVAC.  He starts in August. With that in mind I pulled in a favor to get him an entry level position with an HVAC and facilities maintenance company.  He's been working full time since December so that's good.  Here's my problem.  He's become a total disrespectful ass to me and my husband.  He refuses to pay rent.  I have to fight with him to pay his car insurance and for his portion of the cell phone bill.  He's spending every dime he makes without saving any for school.  He's antisocial and comes home and locks himself up in his room.  When I offer him food he won't eat with us.  (Of course because he eats out like a king every day.)  I feel if I don't help him to make it through school he'll fall flat on his face like in high school.  However - his attitude is causing nothing but problems at home.  My husband and I are ready to downsize, quit our high paying jobs in the city and move out to the country.  (We've bought the house and we're starting to clean and sell off extra stuff like the camper.)  The only reason we are staying is to help my son.  We've given him a timeline with specific goals.  We've given him his car - so now he has to get his own insurance, school starts in August, the cell phone contract is up in December so that is when he's off our plan on his own.  He got a student credit card to start building his credit history yet he refuses to sit with me to learn how to budget or review his spending.  He has a year of classes at the tech school close to our house.  The second year of school is an hour south of our house.  I told him once he's done with the first year he needs to move out.  Now he's all angry with us and totally out of control  - staying our  until 1am every night, won't keep his room clean and the arguing and disrespect is over the top.  How do I deal with this?  Should I kick him out now - while he "knows everything?"

by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 9:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 18, 2013 at 9:53 AM
2 moms liked this
Give him 2 months to find a place and stick to the date. He needs to be respectful.
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queensweet
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:06 AM
1 mom liked this

Hugs. You and your husband have went ABOVE and BEYOND what you are suppose to do as parents. You should be proud of your perseverance. Unfortunately as parents we tend to overparent and give our kids TOO MUCH because we want them to have what we did not have growing up. It's an occupational hazard of parenting.

I must say that now is the time to cut the umbilical cord and let him go. Since he works, you should give him 30 days to move out. He is a man now and needs to learn what all that encompasses. Since he can't respect you and his father's house rules, change the locks and let him in when it is convenient for you - not at 1 a.m.! He will be motivated to move out.

It is only fair that you two move on with your lives as you planned and not anything or anyone hinder those plans. Take care. 

Hannahluvsdogs
by Bronze Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:21 AM

I agree with the others, set a date and stick to it. It sounds like he needs a taste of the real world to start appreciating how much you've done for him.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Jun. 18, 2013 at 10:34 AM
4 moms liked this

Yes!   You have done all you can to help and guide him, now he needs to spread his wings and fly.    Explain that you will not tolerate disprespect in your own home and since he wants to live by his own rules, he needs a place of his own to live in.




Barabell
by Barbara on Jun. 18, 2013 at 4:49 PM


Quoting Hannahluvsdogs:

I agree with the others, set a date and stick to it. It sounds like he needs a taste of the real world to start appreciating how much you've done for him.

I agree!

browneyedbitty
by Member on Jun. 18, 2013 at 5:05 PM
1 mom liked this
Definatly set s date and stick too it. Maybe he needs to fall on his face to learn. My son is also 19, he failed out of college the first semester, he just wasnt ready. When he came home we gave him 2-months to find a job and start paying rent. If be didnt pay rent then he would have too hand over things collateral, for example, his TV, his laptop and so on. He also needs to show us forward progress toward being financially independent. He had 2 part time jobs, now he has a full time minumum wage job. His next step is that forward progression. He has to get enrolled in community college classes for the fall or we will raise his rent.

Good luck to you I know it is hard, but stick to your guns.
PurpleHazey
by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 8:21 PM
1 mom liked this

Your house your rules when they refuse to follow the rules of the house then it is time to move on their own.

suesues
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:17 AM

I agree give him enought time to get out then disconnect phone and change locks if he refuses

MrsBLB
by Missi on Jun. 19, 2013 at 9:35 AM

I agree.

Quoting Hannahluvsdogs:

I agree with the others, set a date and stick to it. It sounds like he needs a taste of the real world to start appreciating how much you've done for him.


02nana07
by Ida on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:58 PM

 If he doesn't pay the cell bill it gets shut off, if he doesn't pay the car insurance he is dropped (and make sure the insurance reports it to the state then he can't drive ) , If he doesn't pay rent tell him he has to earn his keep and will be treated like a child with curfews and other rules.  If he wants to be treated like an adult he needs to act like one and be respectful and pay his way or he will be in for a rude awakening when he gets in the real world. 

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