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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Really pissed because...

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Poll

Question: How would you handle this situation?

Options:

kick hubbie to the curb

keep son away at friend's longer

Have son come back home right away

Demand family counseling


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 41

View Results

It's bad enough my husband is into pot.  Well, our 15 y/o son is into pot as well.  After discovering missing pot, (apparently our son stole his dad's pot, which he has done before) husband recently told our son he does not consider him his son anymore and to get the **** out of the house. Well, our son, being upset, took off to his friend's house, for which he has been staying the past few days. I've been in contact with him. Neither my husband or our son want anything to do with each other, won't talk to each other, etc. I've been trying to get him to come back home-he refuses.  Our son is on PINs diversion at this time, and I did make a call to his probation officer and left message not only to tell him our son is away at a friend's but also to inform him of my husband's pot usage. I also talked this over with my counselor, who makes home visits--I finally got up the nerve to tell her about my husband's usage. I can't see putting all the blame on our son, as his father smokes it too. I am ready to end my marriage over this, not only because of this, but because my husband has been verbally abusive to all of us-we have three kids-and I am so sick and tired of his blame, shame, hissy fits and games. I can only hope when we have return visit to the recovery center (we had our first visit last week, and I called left message to warn them about my husband's usage) for my son that they address my husband's substance issue too, for them both to get the help they need.  (read my former post in this group with title along the lines of -Our first visit to rehab) Anyway, I am in no shape financially to end this marriage right now even if I planned to; no job, for one, and super depressed so hardly any motivation to go on. Well, enough of my rant.

by on Jun. 18, 2013 at 9:57 PM
Replies (11-19):
boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:00 PM


Quoting drfink:

He values the loss of his pot over his child ? This is what stands out to me...no kid should steal from parents and vice versa but unless it has happened many times and every other approach has failed only then would tough love be appropriate.This is just a self centered man upset his pot was ripped off .It also appears your husband is more concerned about his pot than doing what is needed to help your son successfully in his rehab.

If you really have zero options and you your children would be homeless then get on your meds...stay on them...think of your kids...get a job ,get on assistance and then leave.If you need look into family shelters.Here there are several...they provide a stable address and that helps when applying for work

This!




Northwest_angel
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 2:06 PM
1 mom liked this
I guess my first question here would be, "do you also smoke pot?" I could be way off base here and please forgive me if I am, but it seems logical to me that you would also be a pot smoker. If that's the case, all three of you need some serious intervention. You can't effectively help your son if you can't help yourself.

That being said, you are a mother before you are a wife. Your son needs you to be a strong role model in his life and start making healthy choices for him and for yourself. If your husband wants to choose pot over his son, then yes you should kick him to the curb. Your son is at a pivotal point in his life and you gave a real opportunity to really help him. Be that person that he can look up to. Later on when your son is older and this is just a distant memory don't you want to be the person that your son can say, "my mother loved me enough to take a stand and make the hard choices for, so that I could have a real chance in life."
PeaceChild
by Member on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:36 PM

To answer your lingering question, no I do not smoke pot. And I am that mom that has stuck by my son through everything and continues to do so.

 


Quoting PeaceChild:

It's bad enough my husband is into pot.  Well, our 15 y/o son is into pot as well.  After discovering missing pot, (apparently our son stole his dad's pot, which he has done before) husband recently told our son he does not consider him his son anymore and to get the **** out of the house. Well, our son, being upset, took off to his friend's house, for which he has been staying the past few days. I've been in contact with him. Neither my husband or our son want anything to do with each other, won't talk to each other, etc. I've been trying to get him to come back home-he refuses.  Our son is on PINs diversion at this time, and I did make a call to his probation officer and left message not only to tell him our son is away at a friend's but also to inform him of my husband's pot usage. I also talked this over with my counselor, who makes home visits--I finally got up the nerve to tell her about my husband's usage. I can't see putting all the blame on our son, as his father smokes it too. I am ready to end my marriage over this, not only because of this, but because my husband has been verbally abusive to all of us-we have three kids-and I am so sick and tired of his blame, shame, hissy fits and games. I can only hope when we have return visit to the recovery center (we had our first visit last week, and I called left message to warn them about my husband's usage) for my son that they address my husband's substance issue too, for them both to get the help they need.  (read my former post in this group with title along the lines of -Our first visit to rehab) Anyway, I am in no shape financially to end this marriage right now even if I planned to; no job, for one, and super depressed so hardly any motivation to go on. Well, enough of my rant.


 

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Jun. 20, 2013 at 7:35 PM

I honestly feel you need to do what is best for you and your children, which in my opinion is to search out a woman's shelter and get away from your husband

lazyd
by Bronze Member on Jun. 21, 2013 at 12:54 AM

couldnt vote unless i could vote on more than one thing.  I would kick hubby out - you can divorce and get alimony and CS.  Keep son away too.  And ALL do family counseling.  IF friends parents are willing to keep your son than he needs to stay away and you need to concentrate on yourself and your other two kids.

PurpleHazey
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 9:20 AM

Is this for real, how can you say a dam thing about your son if your hubby does it. Why is your hubby keeping pot in your house are you crazy!

PurpleHazey
by on Jun. 21, 2013 at 9:22 AM



Quoting Northwest_angel:

I guess my first question here would be, "do you also smoke pot?" I could be way off base here and please forgive me if I am, but it seems logical to me that you would also be a pot smoker. If that's the case, all three of you need some serious intervention. You can't effectively help your son if you can't help yourself.

That being said, you are a mother before you are a wife. Your son needs you to be a strong role model in his life and start making healthy choices for him and for yourself. If your husband wants to choose pot over his son, then yes you should kick him to the curb. Your son is at a pivotal point in his life and you gave a real opportunity to really help him. Be that person that he can look up to. Later on when your son is older and this is just a distant memory don't you want to be the person that your son can say, "my mother loved me enough to take a stand and make the hard choices for, so that I could have a real chance in life."

Whats the difference between smoking it or allowing it in your home. I would be kicking someone to the curb.


Northwest_angel
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 9:45 PM
You make a good point, I would be doing the same thing.


Quoting PurpleHazey:




Quoting Northwest_angel:

I guess my first question here would be, "do you also smoke pot?" I could be way off base here and please forgive me if I am, but it seems logical to me that you would also be a pot smoker. If that's the case, all three of you need some serious intervention. You can't effectively help your son if you can't help yourself.



That being said, you are a mother before you are a wife. Your son needs you to be a strong role model in his life and start making healthy choices for him and for yourself. If your husband wants to choose pot over his son, then yes you should kick him to the curb. Your son is at a pivotal point in his life and you gave a real opportunity to really help him. Be that person that he can look up to. Later on when your son is older and this is just a distant memory don't you want to be the person that your son can say, "my mother loved me enough to take a stand and make the hard choices for, so that I could have a real chance in life."

Whats the difference between smoking it or allowing it in your home. I would be kicking someone to the curb.




gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 10:12 PM

You cannot afford to stay in this marriage either.

Losing hubby might mean you lose a place to stay. Keeping him might mean you lose your children. Please call 211 for help. It's a hotline for social services.

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