Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Am I in over my head?! Update on pg. 3 and a thank you :)

Posted by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 6:49 PM
  • 41 Replies
Am I in over my head?! My children are 8 months and 3 years, but my oldest niece (17) is on her way now to come live with me. I'm 23, and I'm worried I might be in over my head here. Her mother is an alcoholic in denial and is failing both of her daughters. Her youngest daughter (15) has so much anger and wants nothing to do with me.

Long story short, sil (her mom) has given up on her. She'd rather drink herself away and get into brawls with her bf than parent these girls. And that's where I come in.

My niece is smart. Seriously, she's a freaking genius. She also suffers from depression, anxiety, struggles on and off with bulimia, and PTSD. She's had two suicide attempts, the last one being only a couple of months ago, and has been to what I understand is a mental institution for troubled teens for both attempts. Through everything that has happened in her life, she's managed to put her trust in me and I've become the closest thing to a functioning parent that she has. I'm just not sure how to do this. I'm still young, and still learning about being a mother myself.

I just need some words of encouragement, and I hope I've found the right group for this. Any advice is appreciated. I'm sure I'm going to screw up somewhere down the line, but I need to do this for her, and eventually her sister if she'll let me, because no one else will.


ETA I just want to thank everyone for their feedback, advice, and testimonies. I'm beginning to feel more confident that I'm making the best choice for her. I really enjoy reading these responses. I updated with a POA on page 3 for all who are interested.
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 6:49 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
moobahlalala
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:03 PM
I just talked to her on the phone. My mil is bringing her over. Apparently there was a big fight and she was told she has to go. That's all I could make out, at least. She was crying and I couldn't understand her.
moobahlalala
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:08 PM
Bump
boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:53 PM
2 moms liked this

Welcome to the group!     You are taking on a lot and kudos to you for stepping in!    You will be walking a fine line between being a parental figure and a friend.....  it wasn't so long ago that you were a teen, yourself.     

Set clear rules and expectations.   Consistancy is key.      Family counseling may be a great place to start...




atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:54 PM
1 mom liked this
You are probably in deep as young as you are. Is she in counseling? You should do family counseling and all get on the same page.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
PurpleHazey
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 7:54 PM
1 mom liked this

Welcome

askmommy
by Member on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:00 PM
1 mom liked this
She needs you. You can do this! Good for you for being there for her. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.
moobahlalala
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:12 PM
The only counseling she's been to is through rehab for her PTSD. I was thinking of talking to her about going with her to an alanon meeting. I'm not really sure how to go about getting her on our insurance in order to get her into counseling...


Quoting atlmom2:

You are probably in deep as young as you are. Is she in counseling? You should do family counseling and all get on the same page.

moobahlalala
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:17 PM
Thanks. We've been anticipating this for a couple of years now, but it's still a shock that it's happening now. I really do hope I'm doing the right thing. I'm just worried about the small age gap.


Quoting askmommy:

She needs you. You can do this! Good for you for being there for her. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it.

moobahlalala
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:23 PM
That's something else I'm worried about is the friend vs. Parent role. She's a good kid and stays out of trouble, but I worry about her mental stability. And our ages of course... I'm not sure if it's awkward or not for her. I've been in her shoes, and I just want to help guide her and keep her from making the same mistakes I made not too many years ago.


Quoting boys2men2soon:

Welcome to the group!     You are taking on a lot and kudos to you for stepping in!    You will be walking a fine line between being a parental figure and a friend.....  it wasn't so long ago that you were a teen, yourself.     

Set clear rules and expectations.   Consistancy is key.      Family counseling may be a great place to start...


moobahlalala
by on Jun. 19, 2013 at 8:26 PM
1 mom liked this
I mentioned to a pp that I'm considering taking her to an alanon meeting. I don't want her to feel ambushed, though. I think it should be her choice, but I think it would help bring some understanding to what's going on with her mom.


Quoting boys2men2soon:

Welcome to the group!     You are taking on a lot and kudos to you for stepping in!    You will be walking a fine line between being a parental figure and a friend.....  it wasn't so long ago that you were a teen, yourself.     

Set clear rules and expectations.   Consistancy is key.      Family counseling may be a great place to start...


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN