Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

step-daughter that has a chip on her shoulder. her real mom lives in another state.

Posted by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 11:34 AM
  • 10 Replies

just not sure what to do for this kid other than suggest therapy/counseling.  she is miserable, hanging out with the wrong crowd, already drinking/smoking/bored...yet never wants to do a school sport.  half assed about anyting; finding a part-time job/ school work, never contributes unless pushed to do something at home.

any suggestions?  my husband has even lost hope.  i think gave her too much freedom and not enough discipline all these years has finally caught up!

by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 11:34 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
amonkeymom
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 12:15 PM

I agree, therapy would probably help.  Maybe a change in scenery (different school) would work too.

Quoting Gobruins13:

just not sure what to do for this kid other than suggest therapy/counseling.  she is miserable, hanging out with the wrong crowd, already drinking/smoking/bored...yet never wants to do a school sport.  half assed about anyting; finding a part-time job/ school work, never contributes unless pushed to do something at home.

any suggestions?  my husband has even lost hope.  i think gave her too much freedom and not enough discipline all these years has finally caught up!


Barabell
by Barbara on Jun. 20, 2013 at 4:26 PM
1 mom liked this

Therapy could help. Usually people turn to drugs and alcohol because of emotional reasons. 

It also sounds like she needs some boundaries. How is she being disciplined right now? Are you tolerating that kind of behavior?

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:19 PM

I would try counceling for her alone and also family counceling for all of you.  

PurpleHazey
by on Jun. 20, 2013 at 5:36 PM

Isn't anyone watching her? There should be some kind of discipline put on her, how old is she, does she live with you, why has she been let goes like these? I am a little worried because it appears you only look at her as you step daughter, and if she lives with you why hasn't someone stepped up on to the plate. plate. 

Gobruins13
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 1:01 PM

she has been in the picture since she was five and half with me.  i know consistance is key, but at a very young age, my husband (dating 9 years ago) would just spoil her because her mom wasn't nearby.  i suggested counseling for all of us too and my husband thinks it's a waste of time.  i have gone with my step-daughter in the past.  i am working on having her see someone once a week, and it is a no brainer now after recent events.

i always sympathized with her and try to explain her situation is very difficult.  yes, she has anxiety often and struggles to find the good in her life.  i also try to tell her to choose her friends wisely but she consistently chooses those that drink, smoke or have major baggage themselves.  how can she be happy when surrounded by it?

i did make a promise to do things with her more often, its' just any effort in the past backfired-she was bored, didn't want to be there, etc.  i really try to not take it personal.

my husband and i are rarely on the same page when it comes to disciplining.  i am against going out during school week, and she knows to go to him for certain things, and me for other things.  


thanks for all the input.  bottom line is therapy/counseling to channel her feelings.  


Linagma03
by Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 1:31 PM

How old is she? Therapy is probably the way to go. My fourteen year old grandson is going to therapy for anger issues, & sees another therapist for issues with his Mother and her basically abandoning them with us. 

Gobruins13
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 2:05 PM

she is 15.  yes, counseling will help i'm sure.  i need to set time aside for her to see someone.  i just get really caught up with my younger kids.  we need more one on one time as well and i told her this on our last talk, and how difficult it is to have a one minute conversation without being interrupted.  so if we go out, to even grab an icecream, at least she will have my complete attn.  i know she feels like nobody listens to her but when she does come to me, she doesn't always like my response or advice.  

the last time i took her out, she lied to my face..we were having a great afternoon, and i asked her what she had (phone/ipod etc) she was not supposed to have anything from being grounded.  but i turned around in a park and she was sitting looking down at something..so i knew.  little lies, and to my face, just worries me too.  hard to trust her and what she tells me as well.  i am trying to be more understanding and not so hard on her.  

Gobruins13
by on Aug. 13, 2013 at 12:06 PM

She loves her counselor; she is going every Monday.  Now I hope to do the same for myself.  ;)

jujubes1
by on Aug. 13, 2013 at 4:02 PM

I think it's great that you are looking for help. So many parents just give up and believe that hope is lost. Be consistent and show her the love and respect you want to give her. She definitely needs discipline. She won't be happy with the change in discipline but it's not all about keeping her happy it's about doing what's best for her. I've always told my daughter that she may not always like me and i'm okay with that. I'm trying to be a good parent and if that means she hates me sometimes, I'm alright with that.

JessicaR7
by Member on Aug. 13, 2013 at 4:57 PM

The good news is it is never too late to change your parenting ways :) First, is a website called http://www.empoweringparents.com/ and second is a parenting program called The Total Transformation Program and last is therapy...individual and family.  Tell your husband to suck it up and go.  Whenever a family member has a problem, the whole family has a problem.  I was able to turn my troubled teen around at 17 so you can too at 15.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)