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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Would you want your sister or son to tell you if your daughter was a lesbian..

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I was in my sister's kitchen last night, she was on the phone in another room upstairs, and my nephew(23) was in the living room watching TV. My niece(16) came down stairs and went into the living room. She asked her brother "Can I tell you something?" he said "Yeah, sure" then she told him that she was a lesbian, and has had a girlfriend for over a year, how she started getting confused at 11, then realized at 14. His reaction was giving her a hug, and saying how it doesn't matter, she's still his sister, and he loves her, and also, "That's cool you have a girlfriend, but be careful..if you know what I mean." My mouth was on the floor, they're not that close, I don't understand how he could just be so calm. I feel like I should tell my sister, I added son in the title, even though by the sounds of it, he'd never tell. Do you think I should tell her mother?

I also posted a similar post in another group to get some other advice. Some are saying he was so calm, because he might have already known. How are you going to know when she's a super girly-girl, and 7 years younger than you? o_O

by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 2:58 PM
Replies (11-20):
SKenzie
by on Jun. 23, 2013 at 8:06 PM


Yeah, I talked to him about it, I admitted that I was eavesdropping when I shouldn't have been. He said that he figured she was, just by some comments she's made, and never cared.

Quoting luckysevenwow:

It's not your story to tell, it's the DD's. She went to her brother in confidence, if you or him break that it will do more harm then good. She will go to her parents when she is ready.


As for how calm he was...maybe he really didn't see it as a big deal. Maybe he has had suspicions, or maybe he just loves his sister and wants her to be happy.



luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Jun. 23, 2013 at 8:12 PM
3 moms liked this

Maybe go to the niece and tell her that you were eavesdropping and that you will be there for her any way you can, including talking to her parents if she needs you to. I'm not sure how you feel about the situation, it doesn't sound like you have any negativity about it so another accepting adult may help her feel more comfortable talking to her parents.

Quoting SKenzie:


Yeah, I talked to him about it, I admitted that I was eavesdropping when I shouldn't have been. He said that he figured she was, just by some comments she's made, and never cared.

Quoting luckysevenwow:

It's not your story to tell, it's the DD's. She went to her brother in confidence, if you or him break that it will do more harm then good. She will go to her parents when she is ready.


As for how calm he was...maybe he really didn't see it as a big deal. Maybe he has had suspicions, or maybe he just loves his sister and wants her to be happy.




drfink
by Emily on Jun. 23, 2013 at 10:22 PM

like this idea and agree you don't tell the mom.

Quoting luckysevenwow:

Maybe go to the niece and tell her that you were eavesdropping and that you will be there for her any way you can, including talking to her parents if she needs you to. I'm not sure how you feel about the situation, it doesn't sound like you have any negativity about it so another accepting adult may help her feel more comfortable talking to her parents.

Quoting SKenzie:


Yeah, I talked to him about it, I admitted that I was eavesdropping when I shouldn't have been. He said that he figured she was, just by some comments she's made, and never cared.

Quoting luckysevenwow:

It's not your story to tell, it's the DD's. She went to her brother in confidence, if you or him break that it will do more harm then good. She will go to her parents when she is ready.


As for how calm he was...maybe he really didn't see it as a big deal. Maybe he has had suspicions, or maybe he just loves his sister and wants her to be happy.





Barabell
by Barbara on Jun. 23, 2013 at 10:39 PM

I also like this suggestion. 

Quoting luckysevenwow:

Maybe go to the niece and tell her that you were eavesdropping and that you will be there for her any way you can, including talking to her parents if she needs you to. I'm not sure how you feel about the situation, it doesn't sound like you have any negativity about it so another accepting adult may help her feel more comfortable talking to her parents.

Quoting SKenzie:


Yeah, I talked to him about it, I admitted that I was eavesdropping when I shouldn't have been. He said that he figured she was, just by some comments she's made, and never cared.

Quoting luckysevenwow:

It's not your story to tell, it's the DD's. She went to her brother in confidence, if you or him break that it will do more harm then good. She will go to her parents when she is ready.


As for how calm he was...maybe he really didn't see it as a big deal. Maybe he has had suspicions, or maybe he just loves his sister and wants her to be happy.





boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Jun. 23, 2013 at 11:02 PM

I agree with the PP's.     Don't tell your sister, but talk to your niece.   I would want to hear it from my own child.

My niece is lesbian.   She told her sister before she told her parents.   Her sister advised her to tell their parents...and she did.   I knew she was gay when she was a little girl.... I remember telling my Mom that she was gay several times... I just knew.  




TranquilMind
by Bronze Member on Jun. 24, 2013 at 12:51 AM
1 mom liked this

 I'm always the first to pick up on everything (almost everywhere, but certainly in my family - a gift, I guess) so I doubt it would be necessary for anyone to tell me. 

But yes...a parent needs to be kept in the loop about important things that can affect a child's life.  

dogsrezrr
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:15 AM

Probably best to stay out of it.  The drama will unfold on its own with or without your assistance.  By the way, both of my daughters have desided they are bisexual and a lot of their friends are declaring this as well.  I believe they are still trying to figure it out and in the confused, experimental stage.  They also do a lot just for shock effect. Because so many seem to be making this declaration I can't help but feel some of it is " the current rave".  Time will tell.  In the mean time don't make it a big deal of it. Let her "inform" her mother when she is ready.

MrsBLB
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:19 AM

I wouldn't say anything to your sister.  Her DD will tell her in time.  Maybe she felt comfortable talking to her brother first, testing the waters...  You could let her know you overheard her, and let her know you are there for her.  

Christie1952
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 8:18 PM

No, do not interfer in their relationship, sounds like it is not all that great anyway.


destiny83
by on Jun. 24, 2013 at 9:56 PM

Oh please don't tell. You witnessed her fist step in coming out. You could severly damage her if you interrupted her way of coming out by having a big mouth. OR she could be confused of her sexuality and not ready to say, but you coming out and telling parents-BAM labeled as a lesbian. Don't. 

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