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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Opinion Needed

Posted by on Jun. 25, 2013 at 12:26 PM
  • 22 Replies
I'll make this story short. In the beginning of this month my daughter lied to me about spending the night with her softball team, turns out she was trying to spend the night with her boyfriend. I also found out she had been having sex, some of those times has been without a condom. No, she isn't pregnant thank goodness. The sex I'm not surprised with, considering what she's been through she fits the statistics. Yes I have taken her and put her on birth control. Anyway what gets me is the lying.

My question is how long would you ground your teen for if they did this? I grounded her for the summer, but I'm thinking that is to harsh. I also deactivated her Facebook, twitter, and other social sites. I also took her phone away and put passwords on all computers in the house.What would be your course of action in this situation?
by on Jun. 25, 2013 at 12:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 25, 2013 at 12:38 PM
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I would for the summer. She lied and was doing something she shouldn't have. Did you get std testing also??
She also needs to know it will take years because she has shattered the trust you had with her to earn it back. She needs to know she will be checked up on like a 2 year old for the next year. She made her bed now she has to lay in it.
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luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 12:59 PM
5 moms liked this

The lying about where you are going to be is a big one to me. Plus I'm assuming there is no BF/GF night spending at each others house. So there is lie two. Not two small lies, two rather large lies.

Summers would be chaperoned, or they don't happen. When I did this with one of my DD's I had a group of people that I trusted, even a friend or two who were more afraid of angering me, then they were of pleasing my DD. If those people didn't go, she didn't go. The summer is extreme, it tends to loose it's value after a few weeks and only breeds resentment.

Start filling her summer hours up with volunteering, a job, other activities. A busy girl doesn't have time to sneak off.

Last STD's a graphic in depth detail about them again. No condom? Uh-Uh, never under any circumstance. This needs to be drilled into her head.

MrsBLB
by on Jun. 25, 2013 at 1:45 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with the PP's.  Hang in there.

Barabell
by Barbara on Jun. 25, 2013 at 1:50 PM

This is some great advice.

Quoting luckysevenwow:

The lying about where you are going to be is a big one to me. Plus I'm assuming there is no BF/GF night spending at each others house. So there is lie two. Not two small lies, two rather large lies.

Summers would be chaperoned, or they don't happen. When I did this with one of my DD's I had a group of people that I trusted, even a friend or two who were more afraid of angering me, then they were of pleasing my DD. If those people didn't go, she didn't go. The summer is extreme, it tends to loose it's value after a few weeks and only breeds resentment.

Start filling her summer hours up with volunteering, a job, other activities. A busy girl doesn't have time to sneak off.

Last STD's a graphic in depth detail about them again. No condom? Uh-Uh, never under any circumstance. This needs to be drilled into her head.


Jessiejack
by Silver Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 3:46 PM

I personally think the summer is a long time and taking away her social sites will just make her lie more to you. I think making it so she can only use online in a public space in the home and no internet on phones. Its a trust issue so until she starts telling the truth I would not trust her. Keep her close and make her work or volunteerall summer. I would be taking my DD to work with me and she would be working really hard. I think putting on the pill was a good idea but as others have said I would be more worried about STD's than I would about a baby. I would be getting her educated on sex and the risks and buying condoms because I believe its better to have her safe than sorry. Open up communication with her. When you start trusting her again take baby steps back into letting her have freedom. I don't put a time frame on these kind of groundings. Its until you show me I can trust you again.

adamsmom0116
by Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 4:48 PM

Well, my SS just got caught lying about where he was going in the car that DH provides for him. DH took the keys away. Not forever, but I really don't know the timeframe - probably a couple of weeks. Apparently this is too "harsh and controlling" because BM has decided that SS is moving in with her because he cannot handle the way DH "bullies" SS like that.

So - apparently DH and I have no fricking clue what we're doing.

liels898
by on Jun. 25, 2013 at 6:22 PM

Instead of grounding her so that she's laying around the house, how about having her volunteer at a shelter or better yet, a teen crisis help line? 

If it were me there would be volunteering, several talks, and some hardwork on her part. 

bexsmum
by Bronze Member on Jun. 25, 2013 at 7:08 PM

I think the whole summer is a lot extreme add that to taking away her phone,her twitter,facebook and computor. I think that is just going to build a whole boat load of resentment and more lying and sneaking around.  You don't mention how old she is or why she fits the stats for teens having sex. I know plenty of teens that are having or had sex and they all come from different backgrounds and life styles so I don't under the stats your talking about.

Now the lying part is where she made he big big mistake. It is going to take one heck of a long time to gain that trust backand if she is a younger teen for you to let her out on her own again. I can tell you that mine were more open with the crap they would pull and were really really bad at lying. This resulted in me knowing what the hell was up most of the time.

As for the summer punishment make a chore list, that  has to be completed daily. If she younger siblings she wins entertaining them and keeping them busy.  Volunteering is n not a bad thing either. In Ontario our highschool kids have to complete 40 hours of service to graduate.

As for her having sex you did the best thing and got her on birth control as once they have started the likely hood of them stopping is very very slim. Just re-enforoce the condoms directions and add the house rules for sex as well.

smenjivar
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 10:45 AM
I have not gotten her tested for stds only because she has this weird reaction when poked by needles. She has an appointment with the neurologist next week. Once I get a diagnosis I will take her.

I've already told her it will take a VERY long time to regain my trust and that when she's allowed to start going out with him again I will be chaperoning them.


Quoting atlmom2:

I would for the summer. She lied and was doing something she shouldn't have. Did you get std testing also??

She also needs to know it will take years because she has shattered the trust you had with her to earn it back. She needs to know she will be checked up on like a 2 year old for the next year. She made her bed now she has to lay in it.
GarysWife1991
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 10:52 AM

If she's already on bc you know she's having sex so I wouldn't punish her for that, but I would definitely punish her for lying.  GL!

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