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I feel like I'm betraying her mother

Posted by on Jun. 25, 2013 at 2:40 PM
  • 19 Replies
Truth be told, I love my SIL. We have a great relationship. I just don't think she ever really learned how to be a mother. I know she loves her girls more than anything. She will always stand up for her girls, but time after time she keeps putting them in bad situations. The fights between her and her boyfriend have gotten worse, and now her youngest daughter is staying with her other aunt. She refuses to accept that her drinking has become a problem, and I can only guess it's because she feels like it's all she has left. Her oldest brother died nearly a decade ago, and even today I can tell she still hurts from it. I just can't help but feel like I'm making things worse now that both of her girls are no longer living with her. But I know this is what's right, and I think that's why it makes things so much harder.

Just need to vent...
by on Jun. 25, 2013 at 2:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Jun. 25, 2013 at 3:13 PM
She has to want to help herself.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
moobahlalala
by on Jun. 25, 2013 at 3:23 PM
I know you're right. She just called crying saying how worthless she is and how she can't please anyone, and I just feel awful because of it.
bizzeemom2717
by on Jun. 25, 2013 at 3:31 PM
1 mom liked this

group hugYou are there for her daughter when she can't be....hopefully one day she will see that. We can't force others to see what they don't want to. Hugs.. 

moobahlalala
by on Jun. 25, 2013 at 4:10 PM
Thanks. Mil has gone over there to check on her and took my niece after she insisted on going with her. Sil's bf is at work, so I didn't try to stop her. I'm not sure what's going on or if I even should have let her go. I probably shouldn't have, but she's with my mil at least.


Quoting bizzeemom2717:

group hugYou are there for her daughter when she can't be....hopefully one day she will see that. We can't force others to see what they don't want to. Hugs.. 


drfink
by Emily on Jun. 25, 2013 at 11:20 PM
1 mom liked this

She may not have learned but she has been lucky enough to have some family that is /was willing to help her learn how to parent.She has not taken advantage of the help offered and now her girls need attention to help break the pattern.You are doing the right thing,you can offer her love and support but her daughters deserve a chance.

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 12:49 AM

Perhaps an intervention with you, the girls, your MIL... the people who DO care about her?

moobahlalala
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 3:32 AM

 

My IL's aren't exactly the intervention type of family, as much as I hate to say. Dh and I have tried a few years ago, and things seemed like they were getting better. We'd actually came up here for vacation 2 months before we decided we needed to move back. It's like in 2 months time, she went from being happy and starting to drink a lot less, and when we moved back she'd put on so much weight, mainly in her gut. Her dd's said she never leaves her room except to get a beer or smoke. Hell, she's not even willing to do that half of the time, she'll just ask her daughters for one. Everyone says she's always been like this and that she's not going to change, but this is the worst I've ever seen it. On top of that there is constant fighting. She gets agressive, then her bf gets hot headed and goes overboard and tells her things like how her deceased brother couldn't stand her, how she's a horrible mother, and is constantly putting her and her dd's down. Then he breaks everything, throws stuff at her, etc. It's already uglyl and it's getting worse, and all everyone has to say is, "Well she chooses to stay there."  I think everyone has just given up. I'm honestly shocked that dh hasn't gone up to see her boyfriend. Actually, come to think of it he'll make up any excuse not to go over there because in all honesty I don't think he can handle even looking at his sister right now.

 

Sorry for the rant... I just don't see an intervention happening at this point.

Quoting gdiamante:

Perhaps an intervention with you, the girls, your MIL... the people who DO care about her?


 

moobahlalala
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 3:35 AM

Thanks for letting me vent, ladies. This is just a very frustrating situation.

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Jun. 26, 2013 at 3:38 AM

Have any of you witnessed the boyfriend's behavior? If you do, call the police, get his butt thrown in jail. The district attorney is the one who will decide if the guy gets charged with domestic violence. Sis doesn't have to go along with it at all. (The things one learns when on jury duty!)

moobahlalala
by on Jun. 26, 2013 at 3:42 AM

 

I've never witnessed it personally, but her daughters tell me all sorts of stories, and even SIL will admit that he breaks stuff. He acts totally different when I'm around, all gentlemanly and respectful, but all of that's just an act.

Quoting gdiamante:

Have any of you witnessed the boyfriend's behavior? If you do, call the police, get his butt thrown in jail. The district attorney is the one who will decide if the guy gets charged with domestic violence. Sis doesn't have to go along with it at all. (The things one learns when on jury duty!)


 

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