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Advice Needed: We are having a really difficult with out 15 year...

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:11 AM
  • 12 Replies

We are having a really difficult with out 15 year old daughter. She use to be happy all the time, but since she met this kid in Feb she has become so disrespectful and has tried to run away 4 times. We have talked to her and have her in counseling. How can I reach her? I want my happy daughter This boy is not good for her. We let her see him and it is now to the point where she isn't allowed over his house and he is not allowed over ours because they can not be trusted. SHe insists that he is the one she will marry. I really hope she changes her mind he is a "bad Boy" he goes to the alternative school for bad kids. I'm so worried and scared for her. Please any advice on how to reach her would be helpful

by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Blestmomof3
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:36 AM
1 mom liked this

You may not be able to reach her now but you are well within your rights to restrict her access to this person.  I actually would allow no contact.  She is still a child and under your roof.  She may not like it.  She may resent you for a long time but you are acting in her best interest.  Do you know if their relationship was sexual? If it was, those emotional ties run deep and it will be more difficult to convince her she is not acting in her own best interest.

There might be a tendency to have this situation be the main focus of your relationship with her.  Try to think of things she liked to do with you and your dh before she met this boy and try doing some of them with her.  Surround her with your loving kindness when you are not talking about this situation.  If she insists on fighting about this issue all the time, even when you are doing nice things for her, ask her if she would like to take a time out from all the drama and just set aside time to do an activity and the only rule is to not talk about this issue for the next two or three hours so you all get a break.   It will help everybody gain some perspective.  Try to fit in several of these time out times several times a week so your relationship with her can heal and so that when you do discuss this both sides are feeling a little more kinder towards each other.

busyasabee
by New Member on Jul. 7, 2013 at 10:54 AM

 Thank you. It is such a struggle just get her motivated to do anything anymore. She was invited out yesterday to a concert with a good friend of hers. At first she was all for it then within a half an hour of leaving she said she didn't feel good and decided not to go. She never wants to do anything or go anywhere. Has lost firends and has been rude and disrespectful towards me and my dh. I am so stressed over this issue. Don't know what to do to get her back in a good mood. We (my DH and myself) have been trying everything. We are going to the beach next weekend so hopefully that helps alittle.

PurpleHazey
by Angie on Jul. 14, 2013 at 9:49 PM
1 mom liked this

 


Quoting Blestmomof3:

You may not be able to reach her now but you are well within your rights to restrict her access to this person.  I actually would allow no contact.  She is still a child and under your roof.  She may not like it.  She may resent you for a long time but you are acting in her best interest.  Do you know if their relationship was sexual? If it was, those emotional ties run deep and it will be more difficult to convince her she is not acting in her own best interest.

There might be a tendency to have this situation be the main focus of your relationship with her.  Try to think of things she liked to do with you and your dh before she met this boy and try doing some of them with her.  Surround her with your loving kindness when you are not talking about this situation.  If she insists on fighting about this issue all the time, even when you are doing nice things for her, ask her if she would like to take a time out from all the drama and just set aside time to do an activity and the only rule is to not talk about this issue for the next two or three hours so you all get a break.   It will help everybody gain some perspective.  Try to fit in several of these time out times several times a week so your relationship with her can heal and so that when you do discuss this both sides are feeling a little more kinder towards each other.

I agree with you

 

PurpleHazey
by Angie on Jul. 14, 2013 at 9:49 PM

 


Quoting busyasabee:

 Thank you. It is such a struggle just get her motivated to do anything anymore. She was invited out yesterday to a concert with a good friend of hers. At first she was all for it then within a half an hour of leaving she said she didn't feel good and decided not to go. She never wants to do anything or go anywhere. Has lost firends and has been rude and disrespectful towards me and my dh. I am so stressed over this issue. Don't know what to do to get her back in a good mood. We (my DH and myself) have been trying everything. We are going to the beach next weekend so hopefully that helps alittle.

This is good advice

 

PurpleHazey
by Angie on Jul. 14, 2013 at 9:51 PM

Teens have so much pressured today that all the teens are showing the pain. I wouldn't want to be a teen today.

02nana07
by Ida on Jul. 14, 2013 at 10:07 PM

 just stand your gound I would allow him over but supervise them if he is a bad boy he won't like that and move on

mumsy2three
by Shauna on Jul. 14, 2013 at 10:43 PM

Our dd was briefly seeing a trouble maker when she was around that age. We didn't allow 1:1 dates for her at that age, he was allowed to come to our house when we were home but she wasn't allowed to go to his house ~ there was no supervision there ever. I never bad mouthed the boy to my dd, at least until she broke up with him, then I told her how hard it was for me to see them together b/c I really couldn't stand him!

exhaustedmother
by Member on Jul. 15, 2013 at 12:52 AM

Remain firm and don't allow contact if he is what you call a "bad boy". She won't like you for it but it is for her own good. Meanwhile let her know that you are there for her and try to get he interested in extracurricular activities for teens in your area.

busyasabee
by New Member on Aug. 25, 2013 at 10:17 PM

 Its been awhile since I've been on but my dd starts back to school tomorrow and I'm so worried. I told her I would be taking her back and forth to school because of what happened at the end of the school year. She would ride the bus to school, then leave and meet this kid and try to run away. I have had several converstions with his mother and she is aware of this. She told me he will not be going to the same school as her. I don't know if I can trust her to go to school. She tells me its not "cool" for parents to drive their kids to high school. She has been a lot nicer to me and my dh but I just don't know if I can trust her to do the right thing. We had a very rough summer, had to cancel vacations and fight with her about getting her tonsils out. Which she refuse to do. She has some health issues but won;t take her meds, won't eat properly, doesn't sleep right. I took her shopping today and then we had lunch together which was very nice.She is really stuck in her ways and no one can change that. We have tried counseling and even a pyschiatrist who prescribed meds. She refuses to take them. She keeps saying she will not do anything she is forced to do. Please any suggestions

lazyd
by Bronze Member on Aug. 25, 2013 at 11:46 PM

Sorry i have NO advice for you cuz your daughter sounds just like mine and I dont mean to discourage you, but my daughter is 14 1/2 and currently living in a home for pregnant teens!!  The "father" is a 17yo.  My daughter had to ride the bus - everyone went to an alternative school and my daughter just wouldnt come home after getting off the bus.  Of course I had to work and so did her father - and we cant hire a "babysitter" for a 14 yo!!  My daughter was a cutter and suicidal and very depressed.  She was in counseling and will still thankfully be getting it in the pregnancy home that she is at.  My daughter is a VERY smart girl but doesnt make the BEST decisions in her life!!  I also dont know what to do with her when she gives birth and gives this baby up for adoption.  We have done everything and NOTHING has worked!!  No one was allowed to come over to our house and she wasnt allowed to go over to anyone else's house - but things still happened - dont ask me how!  AND my daughter also committed theft twice and got caught both times and had to do community service, etc.  

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