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What's the appropriate consequence?

Posted by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:45 AM
  • 21 Replies

For sneaking out?

SS (16) snuck out last weekend to spend the night with his girlfriend, and DH took away his cell phone. BM threw a HUGE fit about how that is MUCH too severe.

So I'm curious - what would be the consequence at your house? Was DH too harsh? Too lenient?

by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:47 AM
1 mom liked this
Heck yes, phone, computer, if they had a car would all be gone. For a month.
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ForeverLawst
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 11:10 AM

Your house, your rules, your consequences. I actually found it pretty lenient. Sneaking out is stupid and dangerous. 

I had to think about this from a BM viewpoint though. I pay for DD's cellphone and it is the only way I have to contact her when she is with her father. And, no, I can't call him to talk to her. I would go off the deep end if they took her phone away. So, maybe load up on the yard work or chores as "punishment". 

adamsmom0116
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 11:24 AM

 I can understand your point about the cell phone being the only point of contact between BM and SS. However, we live 2 blocks from BM, and we have a house phone that she is free to call whenever she wants. SO - for this situation, it is not like DH cut the BM/SS communication line. Plus - there's always facebook and all that other crap.

The problem that DH has with consequences is that BM will not back him up. After he took away the cell phone, SS ran right to BM and she got him a replacement. She also told him that if he felt that DH was too strict, that he could move in with her permanently. So now we are dealing with that. Again. This is not the first time we've traveled this road. She completely undermines all of DH's parenting. He is at the point where he doesn't know what to do. If she is going to continue this, how in the world is he supposed to parent? You know?
Anyway, so I thought I'd ask other moms to see if this really IS too harsh or if it's just BM in this situation.


Quoting ForeverLawst:

Your house, your rules, your consequences. I actually found it pretty lenient. Sneaking out is stupid and dangerous. 

I had to think about this from a BM viewpoint though. I pay for DD's cellphone and it is the only way I have to contact her when she is with her father. And, no, I can't call him to talk to her. I would go off the deep end if they took her phone away. So, maybe load up on the yard work or chores as "punishment". 


 

momto3boys85
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 11:33 AM

sounds like the BM is being a drama queen, my parents would have whooped my ass, grounded me for a week or longer, took away my phone, any other electronic privilages and given me more chores to do. I only say they would have because growing up I never had a cell phone, or my own personal computer, electronic devices, etc. Your husband and the BM need to have a serious talk about parenting and her not over stepping his decisions, it makes parenting hard when one parent is always playing sides against the other parent.

adamsmom0116
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 11:38 AM

 I agree. However, this woman will not admit that she's doing anything wrong. She always does this - regardless of which kid it is and what the situation is. DH can talk til he's blue in the face but she will not change.


Quoting momto3boys85:

sounds like the BM is being a drama queen, my parents would have whooped my ass, grounded me for a week or longer, took away my phone, any other electronic privilages and given me more chores to do. I only say they would have because growing up I never had a cell phone, or my own personal computer, electronic devices, etc. Your husband and the BM need to have a serious talk about parenting and her not over stepping his decisions, it makes parenting hard when one parent is always playing sides against the other parent.


 

momto3boys85
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 11:44 AM

Has your husband tried talking to her with a mediator like a court counselor to show that she is being unreasonable when it comes to parenting their children.

Quoting adamsmom0116:

 I agree. However, this woman will not admit that she's doing anything wrong. She always does this - regardless of which kid it is and what the situation is. DH can talk til he's blue in the face but she will not change.


Quoting momto3boys85:

sounds like the BM is being a drama queen, my parents would have whooped my ass, grounded me for a week or longer, took away my phone, any other electronic privilages and given me more chores to do. I only say they would have because growing up I never had a cell phone, or my own personal computer, electronic devices, etc. Your husband and the BM need to have a serious talk about parenting and her not over stepping his decisions, it makes parenting hard when one parent is always playing sides against the other parent.




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adamsmom0116
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 11:59 AM

 Yes. She refuses to admit that she's being unreasonable. She thinks that because she is their mother, she should get to make all the decisions. She does not see any of this behavior as a problem.


Quoting momto3boys85:

Has your husband tried talking to her with a mediator like a court counselor to show that she is being unreasonable when it comes to parenting their children.

Quoting adamsmom0116:

 I agree. However, this woman will not admit that she's doing anything wrong. She always does this - regardless of which kid it is and what the situation is. DH can talk til he's blue in the face but she will not change.

 

Quoting momto3boys85:

sounds like the BM is being a drama queen, my parents would have whooped my ass, grounded me for a week or longer, took away my phone, any other electronic privilages and given me more chores to do. I only say they would have because growing up I never had a cell phone, or my own personal computer, electronic devices, etc. Your husband and the BM need to have a serious talk about parenting and her not over stepping his decisions, it makes parenting hard when one parent is always playing sides against the other parent.

 

 



 

atlmom2
by Susie on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:04 PM
When she is a grandma maybe she will wonder how she screwed up. Sad parents don't wanna parent.


Quoting adamsmom0116:

 Yes. She refuses to admit that she's being unreasonable. She thinks that because she is their mother, she should get to make all the decisions. She does not see any of this behavior as a problem.




Quoting momto3boys85:


Has your husband tried talking to her with a mediator like a court counselor to show that she is being unreasonable when it comes to parenting their children.


Quoting adamsmom0116:


 I agree. However, this woman will not admit that she's doing anything wrong. She always does this - regardless of which kid it is and what the situation is. DH can talk til he's blue in the face but she will not change.


 


Quoting momto3boys85:


sounds like the BM is being a drama queen, my parents would have whooped my ass, grounded me for a week or longer, took away my phone, any other electronic privilages and given me more chores to do. I only say they would have because growing up I never had a cell phone, or my own personal computer, electronic devices, etc. Your husband and the BM need to have a serious talk about parenting and her not over stepping his decisions, it makes parenting hard when one parent is always playing sides against the other parent.


 


 






 


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momto3boys85
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:07 PM

What do the counselors say about her attitude towards parenting, he has a right to parent his children too. good grief, she sounds like my aunt, she never wanted to let my cousin take any responsibility for his actions and now hes in and out of jail, been on drugs and all kinds of problems, because she refused to put her foot down when she had the chance. I hope for the sake of the kids, this woman gets a wake up call before her kids end up in jail or worse. there is nothing wrong with discipline when they do something wrong like sneaking out of the house and disobeying their parents.

Quoting adamsmom0116:

 Yes. She refuses to admit that she's being unreasonable. She thinks that because she is their mother, she should get to make all the decisions. She does not see any of this behavior as a problem.


Quoting momto3boys85:

Has your husband tried talking to her with a mediator like a court counselor to show that she is being unreasonable when it comes to parenting their children.

Quoting adamsmom0116:

 I agree. However, this woman will not admit that she's doing anything wrong. She always does this - regardless of which kid it is and what the situation is. DH can talk til he's blue in the face but she will not change.


Quoting momto3boys85:

sounds like the BM is being a drama queen, my parents would have whooped my ass, grounded me for a week or longer, took away my phone, any other electronic privilages and given me more chores to do. I only say they would have because growing up I never had a cell phone, or my own personal computer, electronic devices, etc. Your husband and the BM need to have a serious talk about parenting and her not over stepping his decisions, it makes parenting hard when one parent is always playing sides against the other parent.







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Proud mom to 3 boys, Sean(7), Daniel(5), and Julian(3)



adamsmom0116
by Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 12:07 PM
1 mom liked this

 It is very sad. It totally screws with the kids. She is teaching her kids that they can do whatever they want and she will always bail them out. She will rescue them. One of these days, they will run into something that she cannot rescue them from though.

And - it also wrecks the kids' relationship with their dad. I know he is not perfect, but no parent is, right? He is trying to teach them right and wrong, and consequences and rewards.....but is at a loss on how to do that when he has this BM fight at every corner.


Quoting atlmom2:

When she is a grandma maybe she will wonder how she screwed up. Sad parents don't wanna parent.


Quoting adamsmom0116:

 Yes. She refuses to admit that she's being unreasonable. She thinks that because she is their mother, she should get to make all the decisions. She does not see any of this behavior as a problem.


 


Quoting momto3boys85:


Has your husband tried talking to her with a mediator like a court counselor to show that she is being unreasonable when it comes to parenting their children.


Quoting adamsmom0116:


 I agree. However, this woman will not admit that she's doing anything wrong. She always does this - regardless of which kid it is and what the situation is. DH can talk til he's blue in the face but she will not change.


 


Quoting momto3boys85:


sounds like the BM is being a drama queen, my parents would have whooped my ass, grounded me for a week or longer, took away my phone, any other electronic privilages and given me more chores to do. I only say they would have because growing up I never had a cell phone, or my own personal computer, electronic devices, etc. Your husband and the BM need to have a serious talk about parenting and her not over stepping his decisions, it makes parenting hard when one parent is always playing sides against the other parent.


 


 




 


 



 

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