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4th of July and there is a chill in the air!

Posted by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 10:33 AM
  • 5 Replies

So we had told our 19 yo son that we would like him to be home by 1230am on nights that he needs to go to work the next day and also because I am a worrier and don't sleep till he is in. I told him that on the weekends he can stay out later if he wants. He and the gf don't like this rule so the other night he was there until 2am, no text saying he was staying until I texted him at 1am to see if he was okay, a yes response and nothing else till he came home. Yesterday my husband confronted him about it and he said "what if I don't feel like coming home then". My husband told him this is the rule and you need to follow it in our home. Yesterday he went to work, came home while I was at the store and texted me to see if I was coming home to make dinner. My husband was out of the house for work last night so when I came home I told him "you know that rule that says mom makes dinner, I decided I'm not going to follow it anymore so you are on your own!" With that I preceeded to make myself something and ate. He made himself a sandwich about an hour later. He has not said anything to me since. BRRRR, it is definitely cold in my house for the 4th of July. I feel like he owes me an apology for not respecting our rules, what are your thoughts? I've also decided the rule that mom does the laundry for him is not a good one either, so not following that either! Do I continue until he says something or do I need to cave in once again and start the conversation, I hate living this way but I also hate that he wants the upper hand.

By the way, Happy fourth of July!

by on Jul. 4, 2013 at 10:33 AM
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Replies (1-5):
by Susie on Jul. 4, 2013 at 10:49 AM
I think he is an adult and you need to let go some. Just me though.
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by Kimberly on Jul. 4, 2013 at 12:12 PM

Your house, your rules.    If he doesn't feel like coming home at that time, give him the option of not returning until morning.... or finding his own place.    Tell him you expect a text at a specific time letting you know if he will be coming home or not, at that time, put the chain on the door.      I personally would not wait for an apology.    Tell him what you have decided and that is that.   

by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 3:07 AM
The passive aggressive thing doesn't fly with my kids in my home (taught them that EARLY) so I certainly wouldn't use that tactic as an adult/parent! However, everyone is diff. I would simply explain your rules again, if he doesn't like them he can move out. It's your house.
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by on Jul. 5, 2013 at 10:35 AM

I've used the passive aggressive approach a time or two myself. Sometimes it helps for them to see/feel how their actions effect others in the house. 

Now, I have always had rules for my adult children. It's my house and it needs to run a certain way (I also have younger children). My rules aren't to hold them back, but to make sure the family as a unti runs as smoothly as possible. Besides I don't think it's to much to ask that my children use some common courtesies. It's not that hard to let me know what their plans are, it's not that hard if they aren't going to make it home by midnight to let me know they will be staying somewhere else. 

They also knew if they didn't like the rules they were free to move out and support themselves, until they did that it was my house and my rules.

by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 9:03 AM

It was warm here

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