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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Should I FORCE my SON?

Posted by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 3:10 PM
  • 35 Replies
My 17 year old son would rather just stay home than go out and do anything!! He doesn't drive or have a job yet.. He has cut off the few friends he had... I find myself wondering if his OCD issues are interfering or is it typical teen behavior? A doctor that we recently took him to, suggested that we literally lock him out of the house and make him stay out and do things!! Now he will do a few things in the yard and all, but he has to be told numerous times!! What do you think about this doc telling me to LOCK him outside??
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by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 3:10 PM
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sabrtooth1
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 3:24 PM
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Find a GOOD PSYCHIATRIST before your son turns 18, and get a complete workup.  If he's OCD, he's other things as well, and depression is #1 on my list.  He needs to be treatred ASAP, but first you need to find out EXACTLY what is wrong.

NettePooh
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 3:37 PM
This is what confuses me. We have taken him to the psychiatrist and therapist and he was also in a residential treatment facility which they even couldn't help him much.. but got him on some medication.. He was also diagnosed with Aspergers and NVLD.., I have since been told that is mostly just behavioral.. I feel like I have done everything and he just doesn't respond!!! Any suggestions? Please don't bash, this upsets me so!?


Quoting sabrtooth1:

Find a GOOD PSYCHIATRIST before your son turns 18, and get a complete workup.  If he's OCD, he's other things as well, and depression is #1 on my list.  He needs to be treatred ASAP, but first you need to find out EXACTLY what is wrong.


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sahlady
by Gold Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 4:16 PM

that seems very extreme.

I think you need to do some big time computer research and look for help nation wide.  I know you have been dealing with your sons issue for some time now and your posts dont seem to be showing any sign of improvement.  There has to be someone else out there with similar issues who can give you some help.  You seem to be a pro-active mom, Im sure there is a way to help your son thrive.

Genie2
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 4:22 PM
1 mom liked this

What does he say?  It is entirely possible.  I have mild OCD.  What are his symptoms?  He could also just be lazy.  My son is somewhat of a slacker himself.  I signed him up for a summer group day class and made him go.  He says he like it!    I guess I got lucky on that one.  I'm still finding it hard to get him into other things though.

gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 4:31 PM

I think the doc is a quack and you need to find better medical help than you've been getting.

JATomlinson
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 4:38 PM
2 moms liked this

Don't lock him out.  He may actually be depressed and that's why he's shutting his friends out, and depression can be dangerous for everybody but especially teens.  Try getting him involved in something like a church youth group where they'll encourage him to come out of his shell and be part of activities like basketball and camping trips and hiking and going to the movies.  Church youth groups are great.


Also, don't just tell him to go out and do things, try to take him out to do things.  Take him fishing, or take him to do something that is special to him that he will enjoy doing.  Is he into comic books?  Take him to a comicon convention.  Is he into video games? Take some time to sit and play video games with him for a few days or weeks then take him to an arcade and pay for a few hours of fun with him.  Have you offered to teach him drive?  Go get the permit manual and read it with him, quiz him on it, etc, then take him to get his permit and take him out and teach him to drive.  Does he have any spending money at all?  Give him a job around the house and pay him for it to teach him about money, and once he sees how much he likes having money that he  earned to buy the things he wants, maybe he'll want to go get a job.


I'm not saying you don't spend time with him already, but perhaps these are good ways to get him out of the house and get him involved rather than just telling him repeatedly to get out and go do something.  That's not much motivation for a kid.  You have to be excited about it and go take him places.  Help him find things that he's interested in.  Does he have cousins his age he can go out with?


sabrtooth1
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 5:41 PM



Quoting NettePooh:   This is what confuses me. We have taken him to the psychiatrist and therapist and he was also in a residential treatment facility which they even couldn't help him much.. but got him on some medication.. He was also diagnosed with Aspergers and NVLD.., I have since been told that is mostly just behavioral.. I feel like I have done everything and he just doesn't respond!!! Any suggestions? Please don't bash, this upsets me so!?

A residential treatment facility is for an IMMEDIATE problem, and is not designed to fix whatever the problem is for the rest of the patient's life.  And the problems change.  New diagnoses arise.  He may have become depressed, or anxious.  He may have been mis-diagnosed to begin with.  Many conditions have similiar symptoms.  This is why treatment needs to be continuous, and ongoing.  And if what the doctor is saying doesn't make sense, as in your case, time for a NEW Dr.  And make sure it IS a psychiatrist--an MD.

Aspergers and NVLD are not "behavioral", any more than being blind or one-legged is behavioral.  They effect and cause behaviors, but the behaviors are not a CHOICE.  That said, it is entirely possible that your son is BOTH lazy and NVLD, OCD, Aspergers, whatever.  That is what the psychiatrist will determine.

Treatment takes time, and work needs to done by BOTH the parents and the patient.  YOU need to work with the Pdoc to learn appropriate parenting techniques, that change with the diagnosis, and with his age.  If what you have been doing isn't working, you need to do something else.  Some conditions will never be "cured".  Then YOU need to learn how to accommodate for those conditions.  Learn whether or not your son can be self sufficent.  If not--YOU need to make arrangments for his future.

Momofmenagerie
by Bronze Member on Jul. 6, 2013 at 5:54 PM
Hey, a tent counts as shelter in my book!

Growing up, all parents kicked their kids out on the weekends and summer and you could get your cup of kool aid or drink from the hose. We came in for lunch and were expected inside when the street lights came on.

I don't see anything wrong with pushing a kid out the door. Two or three days a week.
NettePooh
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 6:53 PM
He does have a couple cousins close by that are his age or close in age, but they both work full time. They drive and my niece has a baby.. It's like they have outgrown each other..


Quoting JATomlinson:

Don't lock him out.  He may actually be depressed and that's why he's shutting his friends out, and depression can be dangerous for everybody but especially teens.  Try getting him involved in something like a church youth group where they'll encourage him to come out of his shell and be part of activities like basketball and camping trips and hiking and going to the movies.  Church youth groups are great.


Also, don't just tell him to go out and do things, try to take him out to do things.  Take him fishing, or take him to do something that is special to him that he will enjoy doing.  Is he into comic books?  Take him to a comicon convention.  Is he into video games? Take some time to sit and play video games with him for a few days or weeks then take him to an arcade and pay for a few hours of fun with him.  Have you offered to teach him drive?  Go get the permit manual and read it with him, quiz him on it, etc, then take him to get his permit and take him out and teach him to drive.  Does he have any spending money at all?  Give him a job around the house and pay him for it to teach him about money, and once he sees how much he likes having money that he  earned to buy the things he wants, maybe he'll want to go get a job.


I'm not saying you don't spend time with him already, but perhaps these are good ways to get him out of the house and get him involved rather than just telling him repeatedly to get out and go do something.  That's not much motivation for a kid.  You have to be excited about it and go take him places.  Help him find things that he's interested in.  Does he have cousins his age he can go out with?



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atlmom2
by Susie on Jul. 6, 2013 at 8:10 PM
Counseling
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