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Should I kick her out?

Posted by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:11 AM
  • 11 Replies

DD2 is 18....leaving for college next month...supposedly. Deposits have been made..just orientation and classes. She works 2 pt jobs. The car she drives is in mine and DH name. She 'paid' for the car by replacing the transmission....about $650. She pays $40 a month for half her car insurance &$15 for her y membership. We pay her cellphone. The rest she blows on weed, gas to drive her friends around to buy weed and alcohol. Now DS2 is smoking and apparently his friends. DD2 I believe gets it for DS2 and his friends, although I have been told he has sold it. He will be 15 next month, if I don't kill him before that. They both insist they don't smoke it. DS 2 I can ground, not allow friends over, cancel his cell phone etc.

I have made myself abundantly clear how I feel about it and that it is not allowed in my home. So they go outside...that's where I caught them tonight. I don't think they know what I saw. I didn't acknowledge the paraphernalia on the table, it was kinda dark, but I know what I saw. Then they scattered..went to bed.

I don't know what to do about DD2. Any advice? She is their way of getting it easily. Am I fighting a loosing battle? I am shocked the number of kids I know who smoke weed and the parents that allow it. 

Going to bed, will read tomorrow. Thanks.

Am I overreacting? I get the feeling that since it's been legalized in a couple of states already, it must not be any worse than smoking cigarettes...which is the argument. I told them it is currently illegal here, so they shouldn't be doing it, plus a anything mind altering isn't good for you at all. 

Should I tell the parents of the boy that was here with them?

by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:23 AM

Don't pay for anything for her from here on out. Her expenses are hers. If she can't afford the weed, she can't supply it.

And REHAB for the 15 year old TOMORROW.

bizzeemom2717
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 1:26 AM
You are paying for half her car insurance and know she is "driving around to buy her friends weed and alcohol". Get her to an alcohol and drug eval or assessment ASAP.
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irishlass569
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 9:01 AM

 I would'nt pay for anything for her.  She's got money for weed, she can have money to pay for necessities.  Oh, and give her a final warning.  "I see anything drug related then you have 60 days to vacate".  If she says she's stopped... random drug testing (and stand in the bathroom when she goes - that's an old trick).

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 10:46 AM
1 mom liked this

This is pretty easy for me, and I'll be blunt, they wouldn't be getting jack squat from me.


The 18 year old, sign the car over to her, you said she's paid for it, give it to her and take all responsibility off of you and your DH, and then hand her all of her bills, you no longer pay a cent towards anything. 

Next, get some home drug testing kits. Don't tell them, just walk in the door and make then take it. If 18 year old fails...tell her it's time to find somewhere else to live. If the younger ones does too...tell him he's not far behind his sister if he doesn't pull his shit together. Then start taking everything away from him.

Time for you to play hardball with them.

v2011
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 11:43 AM

My 15 y/o is smoking weed, NOt that it is an excuse but we do have some extenuating circomstances, custody battle, divorce, ect.  This is what I have done so far:

Weekly drug tests thru his doctor (if he starts using other drugs than weed, I want to know about it right away and they test for EVERYTHING)

I had the doctor explain the negative effects of weed

Counseling

Disipline:

It started with grounding to the house taking his phone, ect.  He kept it up, he got grounded to his room, he still didn't stop and began to threaten to run away, I took his shoes (he's not stubborn enough to leave the house barefoot), left him with "nerdy" clothes, took his bedroom door of the hinges.

FINALLY he is starting to fall in line.

As far as your daughter, she is an adult, she should be paying for everything now.  Charge her rent. If she doesn't like it, she can move out.  Tough love, mama.  


stillkickin4
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 2:32 PM



Quoting bizzeemom2717:

You are paying for half her car insurance and know she is "driving around to buy her friends weed and alcohol". Get her to an alcohol and drug eval or assessment ASAP.


She went to the drs today today and told me she spoke to her about her anxiety. She said she felt uncomfortable after she mentioned it, like their demeanor changed towards her. I wasn't in the room, she's 18. I don't know if I can get her to an assessment before she leaves, or if she would even go. As far as buying her friends weed and alcohol, I meant driving them so they can buy it too...sorry if I didn't say it that way. Although I am sure she is owed money.

stillkickin4
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 2:44 PM



Quoting v2011:

My 15 y/o is smoking weed, NOt that it is an excuse but we do have some extenuating circomstances, custody battle, divorce, ect.  This is what I have done so far:

Weekly drug tests thru his doctor (if he starts using other drugs than weed, I want to know about it right away and they test for EVERYTHING)

I had the doctor explain the negative effects of weed

Counseling

Disipline:

It started with grounding to the house taking his phone, ect.  He kept it up, he got grounded to his room, he still didn't stop and began to threaten to run away, I took his shoes (he's not stubborn enough to leave the house barefoot), left him with "nerdy" clothes, took his bedroom door of the hinges.

FINALLY he is starting to fall in line.

As far as your daughter, she is an adult, she should be paying for everything now.  Charge her rent. If she doesn't like it, she can move out.  Tough love, mama.  



He has a drs appointment on Friday. I spoke with the nurse and she is sending a message to the Dr and they are going to test him. If he fails, the dr will have his talk with him, in addition to that he will loose his phone, no friends over or no going out...door off. Then he will have to do regular testing to earn the privileges back. I just want to be sure before I fly off the handle.

As far as my daughter is concerned, she will be leaving for college in a month, maybe just let it ride out? If she doesn't go then she will have to pay rent, which means she would probably move out. If she does then the car and insurance will all be in her name, just like her sister had to do.

countryglammer
by on Jul. 10, 2013 at 2:51 PM

i would stop paying for anything for her

morning_glories
by Member on Jul. 10, 2013 at 7:56 PM

 Until recently I myself smoked, but I would be damned if I okayed it for my child. Especially if it is illegal in your state. Your DD can get in soooo much trouble and she is so young. I wouldn't harp on it but if she thinks she is grown enough to make major decision like....drive around and buy it, smoke it with your young son, etc. Then make her pay ALL of her bills. You shouldn't have to support her if she has enough money for pot. Certainly don't condone it, but I wouldn't kick her out. Just stand your ground. It is illegal, you don't approve, and if she thinks she is so grown maybe she will move out on her own rather than live by your rules. Would that really be so bad anyway? She is 18.

ejwhite_99
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2013 at 9:23 AM

I would certainly tell the mother of the male friend that was using at your house.  I would never want that mother thinking I was facilitating the use of drugs in my home.  Who knows what the boy would tell his mother if she ever found out.  And what's worse, what trouble she might cause for you if she does.

As for your daugher, I'm with others here who say stop paying her way and see her out the door if she doesn't get her act together.  She is an older sister who is being a terribly bad influence on your son.  Speaking of your son, I would do the random drug testing thing to assure he's not continuing use and give him a warning of turning him in to the police if you find that he is even selling it any longer.  Make sure you're willing to go though with this before threatening to do it.  Maybe a brush with the law will scare him into doing right.  Good luck!

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