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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Does this seem a little strange to you?

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I've been having a heck of a time with my 15 y/o son.  He has been sneaking out, drinking, and smoking pot.  I had to tackle him before he jumped out of a second story window a couple of weeks ago.  Bit by bit I took everything from him.  Cell phone, grounded to his room, no internet, no tv, no radio, it even got to the point where I took all of his cool clothes and replaced them with kakis and dress shirts and one pair of dorky sweats.  I kept all his shoes in the trunk of my car and only gave him one pair when we went somewhere.  

Last week he came back from his dad's and I was expecting more bad behavior.  He is usually much worse when he comes back from there. Heck, I even psyched myself up for it (Telling myself I can handle my son, I will be strong, I will be patient...)

He comes back a little sad, tells me that he isn't going to fight with me anymore because it stresses him and his little brother out.

Uh...Ok...that's awesome, honey.


It is now week two.  And he is perfect.  I asked him to take care of a few things last night and they were immediately done. No argument, no questions.  After being grounded for quite literally half of his summer break, he just did a complete 180.  Now I am really grateful, really...but should I be worried?

by on Jul. 16, 2013 at 11:58 AM
Replies (21-30):
02nana07
by Ida on Jul. 17, 2013 at 2:17 PM

 Watch out for depression and show alot of appreciation when he does good let him know you are proud of him

v2011
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 5:58 PM
2 moms liked this

Quoting PurpleHazey:

I would have never gone as far as putting his shoes in your truck. Not sure but it sounds like he has a lot of things "spoiled" maybe he is starting to grow up....Good Luck.


Spoiled isn’t the word I would use, at least not in my house. I’ve struggled to support the boys in the past, so they don’t have a lot of things. We’ve gone from actually being homeless for a couple of weeks to finally getting into a nice home in a quiet neighborhood very recently. He is being pulled in different directions. I’m sure there is anger at me for leaving his dad and dragging them along thru that. (His father attempted to attack him so I took the kids and left) His dad lives with his mother, she cooks and cleans for them, life is easier over there. His father encourages bad behavior because he thinks it will show the court that I can’t handle the boys. As far as taking his shoes, I grounded him to his room. He left the house when I was at work and didn't come back for several hours. And he did it to show me I couldn’t stop him. I warned him if he kept acting up that I would take his precious little kicks. He knew it was coming, he made the decision. I took them for a couple of days, gave them back, he left again, now they are in my trunk. This was a battle of wills, he takes a step, I take a step. That boy needs to get as far as he is willing to take this, I will go farther.
v2011
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 6:17 PM



Quoting deb51980:

Make very, very sure you verbalize appreciation.  That has much more effect that complaining or acting in responsive to bad behavior. 

I hope you have started on the process of easing back on the punishments.  Perhaps ask him what one thing he most wishes to have restored.

Have a talk with younger son.  Get him on board with suspending any retaliation and mad mouthinhing, to wait and see what develops.



I certainly will.  His father was very verbally abusive to both the boys and I, so I try to do the positive reinforcement as much as possible.  I think my mistake was I depended on it too much and was lax on the discipline side.  When I realized what I was doing, I began to be more consistent on the discipline and he pushed back.  It's hard to discipline when you feel bad about putting the kids in a difficult situation to begin with. I had pull my feelings of guilt out of the equation. 


He has earned some things back.  He is no longer grounded to his room, but he can't leave the house.  And his little brother loves him so much, he never stays angry for long.  They are best of buds again. 

debmom07
by New Member on Jul. 17, 2013 at 6:28 PM
Did he visit with Dad in his hometown, whet his freinds are? Idk maybe it bothers him to see his Dad be such a bad influence on him and his brother. Good that he is becoming a smart young man that he loves his mom.
Sat3409
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 7:14 PM

wow thats great but yes i would say starnge. i have the same trouble w/son but no change like your sons. good luck.

county_mom
by on Jul. 17, 2013 at 9:00 PM

I'm wondering if when he went to see one of his friends, if the friends parents didn't sit him down and had a talk to him. 

lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 7:21 AM

 I woud be thrilled but still keeping a close eye on him. I'm praying that he really has seen the light mama.

Monsita
by Bronze Member on Jul. 18, 2013 at 7:35 AM
Thanks for giving me some ideas on how to handle things like these....maybe he needed to see how much of a fight.....how far you would go to discipline him AS HIS ONLY PARENT doing the real parenting job........MAYBE IT WAS HIM SEEING YOU IN ACTION AND ON CONTROL.
v2011
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 8:42 AM

Quoting county_mom:

I'm wondering if when he went to see one of his friends, if the friends parents didn't sit him down and had a talk to him. 


You know, I didn't even think of that. He is friends with these brothers. Their parents are wonderful, they helped me a bit by letting the boys hang out there when I first separated from my ex.
v2011
by on Jul. 18, 2013 at 8:46 AM

Quoting debmom07:

Did he visit with Dad in his hometown, whet his freinds are? Idk maybe it bothers him to see his Dad be such a bad influence on him and his brother. Good that he is becoming a smart young man that he loves his mom.

Yes he did. I get them one weekend out of the month and during the week. Their dad gets them three weekends. I know his younger brother told him that live would be a lot easier if he would stop fighting with everyone. And thanks :)
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