Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Would You Be Hurt if Your Teen Called Someone Else "Mom"?

Posted by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 10:04 AM
  • 27 Replies

I Don't Care if My Kid Calls Someone Else 'Mom'

by Jeanne Sager

momI was a teenager when I first met a woman I would come to call Mom. Technically, she wasn't my mother. She had no biological kids of her own, and we weren't even related. But she was the kind of woman I could turn to for common sense advice on the tough stuff that comes with being a teenager: boys, college, my (real) parents.

Women like her are a godsend for struggling teenagers. They're also the nightmare of mothers everywhere, mothers who see another woman being called "Mom" and feel threatened that they're losing THEIR rightful place as their child's one and only mother.

Now that I'm a mom, I can sympathize. Being my daughter's mother is something special, something I don't have to share with anyone.

And yet, if my teenage daughter finds another "Mom," I'd like to think I'd be OK with it.

Remember what it was like to be a teenager, when you didn't feel comfortable talking to your parents about everything? Sometimes you need someone else to bounce ideas off of or someone to comfort you. Sometimes you need to feel listened to, not judged.

That's where an extra "Mom" comes in, an extra adult who cares about our kids.

They're better, in many ways, than a child's friends because they offer the benefit of experience and aged wisdom, things well-meaning teenagers don't have when they dole out advice. They tend to know a little bit about the world and have the sense to report to you when there are real problems that require parental attention.

As much as an extra Mom is a stand-in, she's also an extra set of eyes and ears.

She's someone your kid will talk to when she really needs to talk.

I called Deb "Mom" not to piss off my own mother but because I felt like she looked out for me, like she truly cared for me, and I wanted to show her that I loved her. As it turned out, I made a good choice. We transitioned to adult friends and remained that way for years, right up until her sudden death a few years ago, and during that time, she counseled me through many a rough time. She was the woman who made a quilt for my baby daughter (that she still sleeps under at bedtime) and watched my dog when I went on vacation.

She wasn't my mother in any biological sense of the word, but she was a woman who was special to me (still is special to me).

I want my daughter to have that, to have an adult in her life who she can count on in addition to my husband and me -- not instead of. I don't feel threatened by that, by more love for my kid.

I don't need to. I'm still her mother. No one can take that away from me.

As my friend Eve Vawter said over at Mommyish, when explaining she would have no problem with her kids calling a stepmother Mom, "I am their mom, I have the stretch marks to prove it, and I will always be their mom, but as far as I’m concerned, the more humans my kids have in their lives who they are close to and have good relationships, the better."

Got that? More love = good for my kid.

What do you think?

Would you be hurt if your teen called someone else "Mom"?

by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 10:04 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
lucky2Beeme
by Gold Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 10:12 AM

  Yes I would. My kids don't have a step mom. If they did I would hope they could call her another form of mom. Thats" My name."  I do agree with more people that love my kids the better off they are.

atlmom2
by Susie on Jul. 19, 2013 at 10:17 AM
No, some of my dd's friends call me Mom. I don't see an issue. It is endearing.
That being said I didn't call my stepdad, dad, but he became my stepdad when I was an adult. He was a wonderful person.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
diaperstodating
by Angel on Jul. 19, 2013 at 10:18 AM
Yes I would.
MomTiara19
by Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 10:21 AM

In my case no.

I have friends in my neighborhood and our kids have grown up together since birth almost...lol..

Some of our kids call me mom and my kids may say mom to them sometimes too...or mostly aunt.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 10:30 AM
1 mom liked this

No, my kids have other 'moms', it's not a big deal. I also have lots of kids that call me mom and aren't my biological children. 

It's just their way of letting that other person know that they are special in their lives. They KNOW who mom is, it doesn't take away from me.

pokey-pwa
by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 10:35 AM
1 mom liked this

 This.  My DDs close friends call me "mom" and my DDs call their moms "mom."  It doesnt make me any less of their mother.


Quoting luckysevenwow:

No, my kids have other 'moms', it's not a big deal. I also have lots of kids that call me mom and aren't my biological children. 

It's just their way of letting that other person know that they are special in their lives. They KNOW who mom is, it doesn't take away from me.


 

zacmacsmomm
by Bronze Member on Jul. 19, 2013 at 12:03 PM

I called most of my friends Mom, mom. 

02nana07
by Ida on Jul. 19, 2013 at 12:31 PM

 I think it is a good thing to have someone to turn to when you can't go to your mom

Barabell
by Barbara on Jul. 19, 2013 at 1:01 PM

I don't know. I haven't come across that yet. If it was a term of endearment that most kids use with another mom, it probably wouldn't bother me. If he was using it to slight me and my job as a mother, then it would bother me.

CampClan
by on Jul. 19, 2013 at 1:34 PM

NO! I grew up calling my best friend's mom "mom" & best friend called my mom "mom". My DS has 1 really great friend that is here several times a week & I call him my son & he calls me "mom". I am sure DS calls his mom "mom" as well.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)