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16 yr old daughter doesn't seem to give a crap about my B-day, Mothers day, when I go on a trip or haven't seen her in a week etc.:(:(:(:(

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 2:40 AM
  • 49 Replies

:( I want to cry ( I take that back cuz now I am crying- everyones asleep but me)  because I definitely did not raise her this way but when I confront her she just says- sorry- oh I didn't think about it. Oh and Happy birthday how was your trip.

I said Never mind, don't ask me because I told you to:( No call- no text on my b-day on Friday- I sent her a picture text of a cute dog I saw when I was out of town for my b-day and I got a "cute and oh happy birthday. I picked her up today (she is one week with her dad and one week with me) and asked her about her week, weekend, school, anything fun etc etc. Did our grocery shopping, chatting etc... got home and when i walked in I told her that I couldn't believe she hasn't even ask me ONCE how my week or my trip or my b-day was. Not one thing. This is typical btw- but I am hurt (as usual) and upset and irritated. My husband is PISSED ( this obviously does not help me in any way) . He wants to have words with her too.. I'm just not sure how to deal with it.. I don't want to cry in front of her- this isn't the first and only time she has done this- she could care less about shopping for Christmas gifts for me or anything for that matter- usually my husband will say something to her like do you want to go shopping for your mom or maybe you could paint her a picture or etc etc....she just doesn't seem to care at all about anyone but herself. I know most of you are thinking- well that's a teenager but I didn't grow up that way and never ever treated my mother this way. And it's not that I want gifts.. just a call - something sincere.. an I love you... not a grumble...


Not to mention MY own hormones are raging (pre-menopause). I am just lost on what to do if anything. Will she get it on her own? Do I just continue to have "talks" with her about how rude and uncaring and disrespectful it is and hope eventually she'll get it? omg... I could type forever.... can't talk to my husband anymore... he is just irritated at her and calls her a selfish spoiled brat (which is partially true but that doesn't fix anything) :( I am open to advice and criticism now... sigh  having a bit of a melt down :(:(:(  

I wish I had a mom or grama to call


by on Jul. 23, 2013 at 2:40 AM
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Replies (1-10):
GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 3:00 AM
I PERSONALLY would tell her that until she starts caring about you more, that you will not do anything above the legal requirements for her and you will not take her anywhere that you do not have to go. But that's just me. In saying so though, my daughter was like that until 19, even chucking temper tantrums on other people's "day" but she gets it now. So it might just be a age/maturity/teenage thing.
atlmom2
by Susie on Jul. 23, 2013 at 8:28 AM
6 moms liked this
Sounds sort of like a typical teenager to me. I think you are sort of overreacting. Yes it is nice for kids to miss their parents. Of course they love when they are gone. Did I miss my parents when I went to camp? Ummmmm, no. Did I love my parents. Of course.
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02nana07
by Ida on Jul. 23, 2013 at 8:28 AM
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 On her birthday act like you forgot and that should bring the point home real quick and for Christmas get her very little tell her you weren't in the mood to shop for her.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 9:11 AM

This was my thought also.

Quoting atlmom2:

Sounds sort of like a typical teenager to me. I think you are sort of overreacting. Yes it is nice for kids to miss their parents. Of course they love when they are gone. Did I miss my parents when I went to camp? Ummmmm, no. Did I love my parents. Of course.


luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 9:16 AM
5 moms liked this

OP, she's 16, she did wish you a happy birthday, she did acknowledge your day. She just didn't do it the way you wanted her to. 

Were you in a good mood when you picked her up, were you happy? If the answer was yes, then she already knew how your trip was, why does she need to ask for details? 

Sorry, but at that age they just aren't as into you, as you are into them. In about 5 years that will start to change a little, but right now, at 16, they are into themselves and rarely do they mean to make their parents feel slighted. It just is what it is.

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Jul. 23, 2013 at 10:34 AM
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Teens are typically self centered.   Don't read to much into it.   If you lay a guilt trip on her, she will only oblige out of obligation.... and it is the thought that counts.     If you want to drive home the point.... don't make a big deal out of her Birthday.   Leave a card with some money in it on her dresser.... don't plan a party or bake a cake.   You can even act like you forgot and wait until she brings it up.   When she pitches a fit, explain that since she doesn't  celebrate your Birthday, you figured birthdays weren't important to her anymore.




Not_A_Native
by Bronze Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 10:45 AM
2 moms liked this

 


Quoting luckysevenwow:

OP, she's 16, she did wish you a happy birthday, she did acknowledge your day. She just didn't do it the way you wanted her to. 

Were you in a good mood when you picked her up, were you happy? If the answer was yes, then she already knew how your trip was, why does she need to ask for details? 

Sorry, but at that age they just aren't as into you, as you are into them. In about 5 years that will start to change a little, but right now, at 16, they are into themselves and rarely do they mean to make their parents feel slighted. It just is what it is.


 This exactly.

I have 4 kids - 18 to 31.  It happens.  It's typical - they themselves AND their friends are more important on the day to day stuff than family - it's part of becoming independent.

It doesn't seem to me she's being RUDE - she's chatting with you and so on.  Just didn't do exactly what YOU wanted her to do in the way you wanted her to do it.  Don't be petty and try to "get even" with her - you'll only seem like an ass.  You getting upset is probably confusing to her - you DID have a nice time, she probably couldn't see what was wrong.

If you want actual advice, try getting on social media she uses (I've found with mine, fb is a little "old school" now).  Get a twitter account, instagram, and snap chat - those seem to be the big ones these days

MrsBLB
by Missi on Jul. 23, 2013 at 2:11 PM

I agree with the others.  I'm sorry it is upsetting you.

MrsBLB
by Missi on Jul. 23, 2013 at 2:12 PM

That would be an eye opener.

Quoting 02nana07:

 On her birthday act like you forgot and that should bring the point home real quick and for Christmas get her very little tell her you weren't in the mood to shop for her.


Bertieb
by Member on Jul. 23, 2013 at 2:23 PM
2 moms liked this

I understand how you feel because I get the same treatment. My DD goes to see her dad for a week and if I didn't text her I'd never hear a word I don't think. She isn't nice to me unless she wants something or has absolutely nobody else to talk to and is in a good mood. It's annoying and frustrating but I've come to accept it to a point. If the backtalk gets too bad I call her on it though. Girl's in their 20's have told me they were the same way and now they and their mom are best friends. I'm just tolerating for now and looking forward to that day. I would guess I was much the same way at my age trying to look back. Although, I've been sensititive my whole life to acknowledging peoples birthday, Mother's Day, etc.  My kids forgot Mother's Day the year my DH and I divorced and he didn't remind them. That hasn't happened again, ha!

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