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I just found out that my 14yrold is having sex and I was furious at her. So my 19 yr old niece took her to the client to see if she was pregnant or not and come to found out that she is not . My question is .What would you do If you found out that your teen is having sex .
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 1:06 AM
Replies (21-30):
gabbie40
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 10:30 PM
Yes I do he's one of her classmate . They are in the same class .


Quoting Barabell:

Do you know who the guy is? Are you sure it's not a case of statutory rape or anything like that?

When did she have the freedom to be sexual active without your notice? Even though I don't watch my almost 14 year old every minute, I at least know what company he's keeping throughout the day.


gabbie40
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 10:35 PM
She didn't, she knows right from wrong and we always be together. I let her go out one time with the supervising of his parent . But I guess his parent was really supervising.


Quoting gabbie40:Yes I do he's one of her classmate . They are in the same class .


Quoting Barabell:Do you know who the guy is? Are you sure it's not a case of statutory rape or anything like that? When did she have the freedom to be sexual active without your notice? Even though I don't watch my almost 14 year old every minute, I at least know what company he's keeping throughout the day.

momto3infl
by Bronze Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 10:38 PM

 military school

Barabell
by Barbara on Jul. 28, 2013 at 11:00 PM

I'm sorry. It's sad that the parents weren't supervising better. I definitely would have with my 14 year old son. :(

Quoting gabbie40:

She didn't, she knows right from wrong and we always be together. I let her go out one time with the supervising of his parent . But I guess his parent was really supervising.


Quoting gabbie40:Yes I do he's one of her classmate . They are in the same class .


Quoting Barabell:Do you know who the guy is? Are you sure it's not a case of statutory rape or anything like that? When did she have the freedom to be sexual active without your notice? Even though I don't watch my almost 14 year old every minute, I at least know what company he's keeping throughout the day.


lakerfan420
by Jamie on Jul. 29, 2013 at 4:29 AM
1 mom liked this
Ok, I'll be the odd one out. My 15 year old started having sex with her bf of 17 mos back in March. We have had many talks, and she was already on bc since they got together. Once the talks became more serious and they knew they were close, she switched to depo just in case she ever forgot to take a pill. I don't have a problem with them having sex (just as I wouldn't have had a problem with them continuing to wait either) that's their choice but I definitely want them to be safe. They're not forced to sneak around, and ironically they've only done it a handful of times. We are still close and have a very open relationship with each other, and I love that. And he's almost like a part of the family and potentially could be some day. I'm sure knowing both teens very well along with their intentions and goals for their futures has helped put my mind at ease. While I condone the two of them, I would never allow meaningless sex with multiple partners, which I've seen far too many of her old friends do, hence why most of them are old friends.
jinxmom
by Bronze Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 8:28 AM

Give her the information about stds, hiv/aids, and the fact that babies are a 24/7 job.  Explain to her it will be her reponsiblility of being a parent and that you won't be a glorified babysitter.  Put her on bc.  Tell her that trust has to be earned back and then intrude on her privacy forever lol well at least until she shows that she can be trusted.  Like pps have said have a open conversation with her about why at 14?

Medusa686
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 10:51 AM

I lost my virginity at 15. I am now 41 and yes I was way too young. Was not a pregnant teen though, I was smart enough to use condoms.  Although I'd be upset I would take her to get birth control and tell her to really think about things. Its best to stop having sex now and wait until she is an adult in a serious relationship.  I know telling her to stop and giving her birth control at the same time is a mixed message but maybe she'll see that you are trying to protect her.  By birth control I mean condoms, not the pill or anything else, they don't protect against diseases. 

JessicaR7
by Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 1:42 PM

You can't really undo what is already done.  Unfortunately, 14 is probably the average these days.  Sometimes no matter what we try to teach our kids they can still disappoint us by making bad choices.  I'd ask her if she loves this boy, what made her want to have sex now, did she think she was going to lose him if she didn't, and how does she feel now after having sex.  Then I'd go into how her body is physically ready to have sex but emotionally and mentally this isn't something she is prepared for because it is a grown up act.  Let her know you are worried about her heart and about her being hurt as a result of having sex too young.  Of course talk about pregnancy, STDs, and STDs that aren't curable and life threatening.  I would go ahead and get her on birth control and buy her condoms.  Explain the importance of using both.  Once a teen is sexually active, it's like they will do it again because they don't associate a stigma with it.  I'm sorry momma, I know you must be having a rough day but trust me, other mom's have dealt with the same stuff before.  It doesn't say anything about you, your parenting, or your daughter.  I'm sending you a big internet hug!

atlmom2
by Susie on Jul. 29, 2013 at 1:51 PM
Meaningless sex? Yes, it is. She won't stay with this guy.. That is what kids don't understand. A teen relationship is not gonna last but in rare instances. Then she moves on to someone else? My dd had a boyfriend senior year. She is so glad they never had sex. It didn't last longer than 11 months. She said she would have regretted giving him her virginity. These kids that start at 13, 14 have multiple partners by the end of hs. Ewwwww, gross.

Quoting lakerfan420:

Ok, I'll be the odd one out. My 15 year old started having sex with her bf of 17 mos back in March. We have had many talks, and she was already on bc since they got together. Once the talks became more serious and they knew they were close, she switched to depo just in case she ever forgot to take a pill. I don't have a problem with them having sex (just as I wouldn't have had a problem with them continuing to wait either) that's their choice but I definitely want them to be safe. They're not forced to sneak around, and ironically they've only done it a handful of times. We are still close and have a very open relationship with each other, and I love that. And he's almost like a part of the family and potentially could be some day. I'm sure knowing both teens very well along with their intentions and goals for their futures has helped put my mind at ease. While I condone the two of them, I would never allow meaningless sex with multiple partners, which I've seen far too many of her old friends do, hence why most of them are old friends.


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hhhanna
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 2:43 PM

What would I do??  You mean besides stepping up supervision to where I knew when she breathed and exactly how deep a breath she took?

She wouldn't be able to blink without me knowing it.  Door comes off the bedroom.  Privileges are completely revoked.  I will be sitting next to her in school and knowing where she is every second of the day.  I WOULD find a way to do this - my daughter wasn't having sex but she started skipping school and getting bad grades, wanna guess how quickly that turned around after I attended school with her (sitting next to her in her classrooms) for a week?

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