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I just found out that my 14yrold is having sex and I was furious at her. So my 19 yr old niece took her to the client to see if she was pregnant or not and come to found out that she is not . My question is .What would you do If you found out that your teen is having sex .
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 1:06 AM
Replies (31-40):
HilbillyMamaof3
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 3:27 PM
Look into a long term bc, I think Norplant is great myself. The deed is done, now is time for regular gynaecologist appointments, and she needs to know the risk of STIs.

I wouldn't go crazy, there's no point in it. You can't monitor everything she does without pushing her away. Counselling may be worth considering, maybe not. I would tighten up the rules, but don't go crazy. Good luck
HilbillyMamaof3
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 3:28 PM
Really?


Quoting momto3infl:

 military school


momto3infl
by Bronze Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 3:45 PM

 yes kids wouldnt not be here if they dont listen to my rules

Quoting HilbillyMamaof3:

Really?


Quoting momto3infl:

 military school


 

momto3infl
by Bronze Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 3:47 PM

 My kids know the risk of STI's always talk on that with all of out talks.  My other responses are what I would feel right off the but not sure what I would actually.

Quoting HilbillyMamaof3:

Look into a long term bc, I think Norplant is great myself. The deed is done, now is time for regular gynaecologist appointments, and she needs to know the risk of STIs.

I wouldn't go crazy, there's no point in it. You can't monitor everything she does without pushing her away. Counselling may be worth considering, maybe not. I would tighten up the rules, but don't go crazy. Good luck

 

HilbillyMamaof3
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 3:53 PM
My parents done this. Want to know how well it worked? I walked out the back door of the school and went across the country for 2 months came back to my home town, and moved out. Kids run away everyday, do you really want your child to live on the streets??

You can only control your kids until they are aware that you can't. The only thing you are doing, is proving you're psycho. What are you going to do then? Call the police, have them arrested? Put them in a group home or girls school because they had sex? Ultimately ruin their life. Get a grip.

I'm 34, I have a beautiful family, a nice home that we own. Our kids are involved in sports, make good grades. My husband has a good job, I did until I decided to leave to go to school a couple of years ago. Even though I had sex young- and became a mother young my life was not ruined, made harder but not ruined.

My children are taught the risk before. Sex is natural, its mire than likely going to happen before marriage. 14 is young, but average now. I would hate for our DDs to come home with this news, but we would deal with it like adults not raving lunatics. I feel sorry for your kids.


Quoting hhhanna:

What would I do??  You mean besides stepping up supervision to where I knew when she breathed and exactly how deep a breath she took?


She wouldn't be able to blink without me knowing it.  Door comes off the bedroom.  Privileges are completely revoked.  I will be sitting next to her in school and knowing where she is every second of the day.  I WOULD find a way to do this - my daughter wasn't having sex but she started skipping school and getting bad grades, wanna guess how quickly that turned around after I attended school with her (sitting next to her in her classrooms) for a week?


RysGram
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 7:26 PM
1 mom liked this
My teens & I have always been very open to discussing sex. I will provide birth control, because I don't want them having babies so young. I figure they are going to do it with or without my consent, so I may as well make sure they are educated.
my2kidsmom9498
by Bronze Member on Jul. 29, 2013 at 11:12 PM

I would be so disappointed.  I would remind them that we are Lutheran for more than the hour we sit in the pew. 

MissMelanieC
by on Jul. 29, 2013 at 11:23 PM

 Have a LONG talk with her about the consequences that come out of having sex like pregnancy, STDs, STIs and all the emotions involved with it. I would search her room, go thru her phone and any other electronics to make sure she wasn't hiding anything else. Depending on how our talks went I would decide from there what was the next action. My DD is 13 so my heart goes out to you.

bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Jul. 30, 2013 at 12:00 AM
1 mom liked this
Omg 14 is NOT average now! People who just assume they know statistics I just don't understand? Maybe it's reality in their world so they just spout off random incorrect facts. These are the correct FACTS. http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html. Only 6% of teens age 15 have had sex...SIX percent. So. 14 is not average. It's not ok to justify this as ok because it's "average or normal" when you look at the facts.

Quoting HilbillyMamaof3:

My parents done this. Want to know how well it worked? I walked out the back door of the school and went across the country for 2 months came back to my home town, and moved out. Kids run away everyday, do you really want your child to live on the streets??



You can only control your kids until they are aware that you can't. The only thing you are doing, is proving you're psycho. What are you going to do then? Call the police, have them arrested? Put them in a group home or girls school because they had sex? Ultimately ruin their life. Get a grip.



I'm 34, I have a beautiful family, a nice home that we own. Our kids are involved in sports, make good grades. My husband has a good job, I did until I decided to leave to go to school a couple of years ago. Even though I had sex young- and became a mother young my life was not ruined, made harder but not ruined.



My children are taught the risk before. Sex is natural, its mire than likely going to happen before marriage. 14 is young, but average now. I would hate for our DDs to come home with this news, but we would deal with it like adults not raving lunatics. I feel sorry for your kids.




Quoting hhhanna:

What would I do??  You mean besides stepping up supervision to where I knew when she breathed and exactly how deep a breath she took?



She wouldn't be able to blink without me knowing it.  Door comes off the bedroom.  Privileges are completely revoked.  I will be sitting next to her in school and knowing where she is every second of the day.  I WOULD find a way to do this - my daughter wasn't having sex but she started skipping school and getting bad grades, wanna guess how quickly that turned around after I attended school with her (sitting next to her in her classrooms) for a week?


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bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Jul. 30, 2013 at 12:04 AM
Nope 14 NOT even close to average. See my pp only 6% of 15 year olds have had sex. So not ok to use the "it's average" card as any type of justification. Also I have to disagree, a teen can make a mistake and learn from it. Just because they had sex once and made a mistake...BIG one if only 14 def doesn't mean there is no turning back, they can't learn from that mistake and not continue to repeat it. Good grief!

Quoting JessicaR7:

You can't really undo what is already done.  Unfortunately, 14 is probably the average these days.  Sometimes no matter what we try to teach our kids they can still disappoint us by making bad choices.  I'd ask her if she loves this boy, what made her want to have sex now, did she think she was going to lose him if she didn't, and how does she feel now after having sex.  Then I'd go into how her body is physically ready to have sex but emotionally and mentally this isn't something she is prepared for because it is a grown up act.  Let her know you are worried about her heart and about her being hurt as a result of having sex too young.  Of course talk about pregnancy, STDs, and STDs that aren't curable and life threatening.  I would go ahead and get her on birth control and buy her condoms.  Explain the importance of using both.  Once a teen is sexually active, it's like they will do it again because they don't associate a stigma with it.  I'm sorry momma, I know you must be having a rough day but trust me, other mom's have dealt with the same stuff before.  It doesn't say anything about you, your parenting, or your daughter.  I'm sending you a big internet hug!

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