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I just found out that my 14yrold is having sex and I was furious at her. So my 19 yr old niece took her to the client to see if she was pregnant or not and come to found out that she is not . My question is .What would you do If you found out that your teen is having sex .
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 1:06 AM
Replies (51-60):
bizzeemom2717
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 12:38 PM
Look above I did come up with a kind solution and a link.

Quoting JessicaR7:

Stats are only good if teens respond honestly. Without a link to the data, it does not hold much weight. It's not a justification, it's about comforting this mom and giving her advice on what she can do right now. I said once a teen has sex it is likely they will do it again, I wasn't speaking in absolutes. Burying your head in the sand does not help this mom. Apparently your need to be right supercedes any empathy or willingness to give this mom advice on where to go from here. Way to turn a benign and encouraging comment into something that fits your agenda. Instead of attacking my advice, why don't you come up with a plan for this mom.







Quoting bizzeemom2717:Nope 14 NOT even close to average. See my pp only 6% of 15 year olds have had sex. So not ok to use the "it's average" card as any type of justification. Also I have to disagree, a teen can make a mistake and learn from it. Just because they had sex once and made a mistake...BIG one if only 14 def doesn't mean there is no turning back, they can't learn from that mistake and not continue to repeat it. Good grief!



Quoting JessicaR7:You can't really undo what is already done.  Unfortunately, 14 is probably the average these days.  Sometimes no matter what we try to teach our kids they can still disappoint us by making bad choices.  I'd ask her if she loves this boy, what made her want to have sex now, did she think she was going to lose him if she didn't, and how does she feel now after having sex.  Then I'd go into how her body is physically ready to have sex but emotionally and mentally this isn't something she is prepared for because it is a grown up act.  Let her know you are worried about her heart and about her being hurt as a result of having sex too young.  Of course talk about pregnancy, STDs, and STDs that aren't curable and life threatening.  I would go ahead and get her on birth control and buy her condoms.  Explain the importance of using both.  Once a teen is sexually active, it's like they will do it again because they don't associate a stigma with it.  I'm sorry momma, I know you must be having a rough day but trust me, other mom's have dealt with the same stuff before.  It doesn't say anything about you, your parenting, or your daughter.  I'm sending you a big internet hug!

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
JessicaR7
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 1:27 PM
You are assuming I look at the previous comments and I do not. If you are directing something at me don't send me to research stats you are referring to. Now you want me to go back and read your previous comments to find your proposed solution? You took issue with my comment, not the other way around. I don't play these games ladies. In the future, if you have a point to make...make it without using my comment.


Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Look above I did come up with a kind solution and a link.



Quoting JessicaR7:

Stats are only good if teens respond honestly. Without a link to the data, it does not hold much weight. It's not a justification, it's about comforting this mom and giving her advice on what she can do right now. I said once a teen has sex it is likely they will do it again, I wasn't speaking in absolutes. Burying your head in the sand does not help this mom. Apparently your need to be right supercedes any empathy or willingness to give this mom advice on where to go from here. Way to turn a benign and encouraging comment into something that fits your agenda. Instead of attacking my advice, why don't you come up with a plan for this mom.











Quoting bizzeemom2717:Nope 14 NOT even close to average. See my pp only 6% of 15 year olds have had sex. So not ok to use the "it's average" card as any type of justification. Also I have to disagree, a teen can make a mistake and learn from it. Just because they had sex once and made a mistake...BIG one if only 14 def doesn't mean there is no turning back, they can't learn from that mistake and not continue to repeat it. Good grief!





Quoting JessicaR7:You can't really undo what is already done.  Unfortunately, 14 is probably the average these days.  Sometimes no matter what we try to teach our kids they can still disappoint us by making bad choices.  I'd ask her if she loves this boy, what made her want to have sex now, did she think she was going to lose him if she didn't, and how does she feel now after having sex.  Then I'd go into how her body is physically ready to have sex but emotionally and mentally this isn't something she is prepared for because it is a grown up act.  Let her know you are worried about her heart and about her being hurt as a result of having sex too young.  Of course talk about pregnancy, STDs, and STDs that aren't curable and life threatening.  I would go ahead and get her on birth control and buy her condoms.  Explain the importance of using both.  Once a teen is sexually active, it's like they will do it again because they don't associate a stigma with it.  I'm sorry momma, I know you must be having a rough day but trust me, other mom's have dealt with the same stuff before.  It doesn't say anything about you, your parenting, or your daughter.  I'm sending you a big internet hug!



bizzeemom2717
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 2:12 PM

 

Quoting JessicaR7:

You are assuming I look at the previous comments and I do not. If you are directing something at me don't send me to research stats you are referring to. Now you want me to go back and read your previous comments to find your proposed solution? You took issue with my comment, not the other way around. I don't play these games ladies. In the future, if you have a point to make...make it without using my comment.


Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Look above I did come up with a kind solution and a link.



Quoting JessicaR7:

Stats are only good if teens respond honestly. Without a link to the data, it does not hold much weight. It's not a justification, it's about comforting this mom and giving her advice on what she can do right now. I said once a teen has sex it is likely they will do it again, I wasn't speaking in absolutes. Burying your head in the sand does not help this mom. Apparently your need to be right supercedes any empathy or willingness to give this mom advice on where to go from here. Way to turn a benign and encouraging comment into something that fits your agenda. Instead of attacking my advice, why don't you come up with a plan for this mom.











Quoting bizzeemom2717:Nope 14 NOT even close to average. See my pp only 6% of 15 year olds have had sex. So not ok to use the "it's average" card as any type of justification. Also I have to disagree, a teen can make a mistake and learn from it. Just because they had sex once and made a mistake...BIG one if only 14 def doesn't mean there is no turning back, they can't learn from that mistake and not continue to repeat it. Good grief!





Quoting JessicaR7:You can't really undo what is already done.  Unfortunately, 14 is probably the average these days.  Sometimes no matter what we try to teach our kids they can still disappoint us by making bad choices.  I'd ask her if she loves this boy, what made her want to have sex now, did she think she was going to lose him if she didn't, and how does she feel now after having sex.  Then I'd go into how her body is physically ready to have sex but emotionally and mentally this isn't something she is prepared for because it is a grown up act.  Let her know you are worried about her heart and about her being hurt as a result of having sex too young.  Of course talk about pregnancy, STDs, and STDs that aren't curable and life threatening.  I would go ahead and get her on birth control and buy her condoms.  Explain the importance of using both.  Once a teen is sexually active, it's like they will do it again because they don't associate a stigma with it.  I'm sorry momma, I know you must be having a rough day but trust me, other mom's have dealt with the same stuff before.  It doesn't say anything about you, your parenting, or your daughter.  I'm sending you a big internet hug!



 LOl, it sounds like you are taking this wayyyy too personal. This is a board where we share opinions....if you are going to leave your opinion but take personal offense to every other opinion (that was not attacking you in any means btw) you need to get MUCH thicker skin, yikes...this is a kind board, there are some boards on CM that are much more opinionated! In no way was I "rude", goodness..

CaileighsMom608
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 2:12 PM

Safe sex ed, depo shot and borrow a colicky baby for a few hours

JessicaR7
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 2:38 PM
I left advice, encouragement, and compassion...I did not leave an opinion. If I'm being honest I believe you and altmom2 are friends and gang up on members. There was nothing about my opinion to take issue with...you read a lot more into my opinion to support your agenda. Saying this is the Internet and I need thicker skin is a cop out is and an excuse for people like yourself to not take responsibility for being crass in an open forum. It doesn't matter what your definition of rude is, it is my perception of what I consider rude. Your initial comment was rude, don't hide behind the fact that you were being opinionated. You can be opinionated and classy at the same time. You can disagree without being offensive. You can state your points without misinterpreting my comment so you can piggy back your opinions off of.

I specifically asked altmom2 yesterday if she purposely sought out my comments to take issue with them. Clearly, it is personal on some level.


Quoting bizzeemom2717: 
Quoting JessicaR7:You are assuming I look at the previous comments and I do not. If you are directing something at me don't send me to research stats you are referring to. Now you want me to go back and read your previous comments to find your proposed solution? You took issue with my comment, not the other way around. I don't play these games ladies. In the future, if you have a point to make...make it without using my comment.
Quoting bizzeemom2717:Look above I did come up with a kind solution and a link.
Quoting JessicaR7:Stats are only good if teens respond honestly. Without a link to the data, it does not hold much weight. It's not a justification, it's about comforting this mom and giving her advice on what she can do right now. I said once a teen has sex it is likely they will do it again, I wasn't speaking in absolutes. Burying your head in the sand does not help this mom. Apparently your need to be right supercedes any empathy or willingness to give this mom advice on where to go from here. Way to turn a benign and encouraging comment into something that fits your agenda. Instead of attacking my advice, why don't you come up with a plan for this mom.Quoting bizzeemom2717:Nope 14 NOT even close to average. See my pp only 6% of 15 year olds have had sex. So not ok to use the "it's average" card as any type of justification. Also I have to disagree, a teen can make a mistake and learn from it. Just because they had sex once and made a mistake...BIG one if only 14 def doesn't mean there is no turning back, they can't learn from that mistake and not continue to repeat it. Good grief! Quoting JessicaR7:You can't really undo what is already done.  Unfortunately, 14 is probably the average these days.  Sometimes no matter what we try to teach our kids they can still disappoint us by making bad choices.  I'd ask her if she loves this boy, what made her want to have sex now, did she think she was going to lose him if she didn't, and how does she feel now after having sex.  Then I'd go into how her body is physically ready to have sex but emotionally and mentally this isn't something she is prepared for because it is a grown up act.  Let her know you are worried about her heart and about her being hurt as a result of having sex too young.  Of course talk about pregnancy, STDs, and STDs that aren't curable and life threatening.  I would go ahead and get her on birth control and buy her condoms.  Explain the importance of using both.  Once a teen is sexually active, it's like they will do it again because they don't associate a stigma with it.  I'm sorry momma, I know you must be having a rough day but trust me, other mom's have dealt with the same stuff before.  It doesn't say anything about you, your parenting, or your daughter.  I'm sending you a big internet hug!
 LOl, it sounds like you are taking this wayyyy too personal. This is a board where we share opinions....if you are going to leave your opinion but take personal offense to every other opinion (that was not attacking you in any means btw) you need to get MUCH thicker skin, yikes...this is a kind board, there are some boards on CM that are much more opinionated! In no way was I "rude", goodness..
bizzeemom2717
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 2:41 PM

 

Quoting JessicaR7:

I left advice, encouragement, and compassion...Idid not leave an opinion. If I'm being honest I believe you and altmom2 are friends and gang up on members. There was nothing about my opinion to take issue with...you read a lot more into my opinion to support your agenda. Saying this is the Internet and I need thicker skin is a cop out is and an excuse for people like yourself to not take responsibility for being crass in an open forum. It doesn't matter what your definition of rude is, it is my perception of what I consider rude. Your initial comment was rude, don't hide behind the fact that you were being opinionated. You can be opinionated and classy at the same time. You can disagree without being offensive. You can state your points without misinterpreting my comment so you can piggy back your opinions off of.

I specifically asked altmom2 yesterday if she purposely sought out my comments to take issue with them. Clearly, it is personal on some level.


Quoting bizzeemom2717:

 


Quoting JessicaR7:

You are assuming I look at the previous comments and I do not. If you are directing something at me don't send me to research stats you are referring to. Now you want me to go back and read your previous comments to find your proposed solution? You took issue with my comment, not the other way around. I don't play these games ladies. In the future, if you have a point to make...make it without using my comment.



Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Look above I did come up with a kind solution and a link.




Quoting JessicaR7:

Stats are only good if teens respond honestly. Without a link to the data, it does not hold much weight. It's not a justification, it's about comforting this mom and giving her advice on what she can do right now. I said once a teen has sex it is likely they will do it again, I wasn't speaking in absolutes. Burying your head in the sand does not help this mom. Apparently your need to be right supercedes any empathy or willingness to give this mom advice on where to go from here. Way to turn a benign and encouraging comment into something that fits your agenda. Instead of attacking my advice, why don't you come up with a plan for this mom.











Quoting bizzeemom2717:Nope 14 NOT even close to average. See my pp only 6% of 15 year olds have had sex. So not ok to use the "it's average" card as any type of justification. Also I have to disagree, a teen can make a mistake and learn from it. Just because they had sex once and made a mistake...BIG one if only 14 def doesn't mean there is no turning back, they can't learn from that mistake and not continue to repeat it. Good grief!





Quoting JessicaR7:You can't really undo what is already done.  Unfortunately, 14 is probably the average these days.  Sometimes no matter what we try to teach our kids they can still disappoint us by making bad choices.  I'd ask her if she loves this boy, what made her want to have sex now, did she think she was going to lose him if she didn't, and how does she feel now after having sex.  Then I'd go into how her body is physically ready to have sex but emotionally and mentally this isn't something she is prepared for because it is a grown up act.  Let her know you are worried about her heart and about her being hurt as a result of having sex too young.  Of course talk about pregnancy, STDs, and STDs that aren't curable and life threatening.  I would go ahead and get her on birth control and buy her condoms.  Explain the importance of using both.  Once a teen is sexually active, it's like they will do it again because they don't associate a stigma with it.  I'm sorry momma, I know you must be having a rough day but trust me, other mom's have dealt with the same stuff before.  It doesn't say anything about you, your parenting, or your daughter.  I'm sending you a big internet hug!




 LOl, it sounds like you are taking this wayyyy too personal. This is a board where we share opinions....if you are going to leave your opinion but take personal offense to every other opinion (that was not attacking you in any means btw) you need to get MUCH thicker skin, yikes...this is a kind board, there are some boards on CM that are much more opinionated! In no way was I "rude", goodness..


 Sighhhh...we can agree to disagree...I do not think my comments were rude and I believe imo you are being overly sensitive but ok. I have never ever 'ganged up" on someone in here in my life. I have been on this board for over 3 years and anyone who has known me will attest to the fact that I have been kind and supportive. However we differ in the fact that I believe you are entitiled to your opinion. Take care.

vlynn.iowa
by Bronze Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 2:52 PM
1 mom liked this

talk about seafe sex and birth control and find out what her aspirations are for the future.  Girls with a plan for there future are much less likely to get pregnant

JessicaR7
by Member on Jul. 30, 2013 at 2:53 PM
Well, you didn't deny you and altmom2 are friends. I suppose that is worth something. If all you got from my most recent comment was I don't think you are entitled to your opinion then you've missed the entire point. Don't twist this into you being a victim and somehow I didn't feel you were entitled to your opinion. I could care less about your opinion...you took issue with *my* comment. Enjoy the rest of your day and hopefully we understand each others boundaries.


Quoting bizzeemom2717: 
Quoting JessicaR7:I left advice, encouragement, and compassion...Idid not leave an opinion. If I'm being honest I believe you and altmom2 are friends and gang up on members. There was nothing about my opinion to take issue with...you read a lot more into my opinion to support your agenda. Saying this is the Internet and I need thicker skin is a cop out is and an excuse for people like yourself to not take responsibility for being crass in an open forum. It doesn't matter what your definition of rude is, it is my perception of what I consider rude. Your initial comment was rude, don't hide behind the fact that you were being opinionated. You can be opinionated and classy at the same time. You can disagree without being offensive. You can state your points without misinterpreting my comment so you can piggy back your opinions off of.I specifically asked altmom2 yesterday if she purposely sought out my comments to take issue with them. Clearly, it is personal on some level.
Quoting bizzeemom2717:
 
Quoting JessicaR7:You are assuming I look at the previous comments and I do not. If you are directing something at me don't send me to research stats you are referring to. Now you want me to go back and read your previous comments to find your proposed solution? You took issue with my comment, not the other way around. I don't play these games ladies. In the future, if you have a point to make...make it without using my comment.
Quoting bizzeemom2717:Look above I did come up with a kind solution and a link.
Quoting JessicaR7:Stats are only good if teens respond honestly. Without a link to the data, it does not hold much weight. It's not a justification, it's about comforting this mom and giving her advice on what she can do right now. I said once a teen has sex it is likely they will do it again, I wasn't speaking in absolutes. Burying your head in the sand does not help this mom. Apparently your need to be right supercedes any empathy or willingness to give this mom advice on where to go from here. Way to turn a benign and encouraging comment into something that fits your agenda. Instead of attacking my advice, why don't you come up with a plan for this mom.Quoting bizzeemom2717:Nope 14 NOT even close to average. See my pp only 6% of 15 year olds have had sex. So not ok to use the "it's average" card as any type of justification. Also I have to disagree, a teen can make a mistake and learn from it. Just because they had sex once and made a mistake...BIG one if only 14 def doesn't mean there is no turning back, they can't learn from that mistake and not continue to repeat it. Good grief! Quoting JessicaR7:You can't really undo what is already done.  Unfortunately, 14 is probably the average these days.  Sometimes no matter what we try to teach our kids they can still disappoint us by making bad choices.  I'd ask her if she loves this boy, what made her want to have sex now, did she think she was going to lose him if she didn't, and how does she feel now after having sex.  Then I'd go into how her body is physically ready to have sex but emotionally and mentally this isn't something she is prepared for because it is a grown up act.  Let her know you are worried about her heart and about her being hurt as a result of having sex too young.  Of course talk about pregnancy, STDs, and STDs that aren't curable and life threatening.  I would go ahead and get her on birth control and buy her condoms.  Explain the importance of using both.  Once a teen is sexually active, it's like they will do it again because they don't associate a stigma with it.  I'm sorry momma, I know you must be having a rough day but trust me, other mom's have dealt with the same stuff before.  It doesn't say anything about you, your parenting, or your daughter.  I'm sending you a big internet hug!
 LOl, it sounds like you are taking this wayyyy too personal. This is a board where we share opinions....if you are going to leave your opinion but take personal offense to every other opinion (that was not attacking you in any means btw) you need to get MUCH thicker skin, yikes...this is a kind board, there are some boards on CM that are much more opinionated! In no way was I "rude", goodness..
 Sighhhh...we can agree to disagree...I do not think my comments were rude and I believe imo you are being overly sensitive but ok. I have never ever 'ganged up" on someone in here in my life. I have been on this board for over 3 years and anyone who has known me will attest to the fact that I have been kind and supportive. However we differ in the fact that I believe you are entitiled to your opinion. Take care.
bizzeemom2717
by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 10:39 PM
Location is a really good point and not something I considered. Wow, all those little girls preg in 8th grade, that's tough!

Quoting HilbillyMamaof3:

I think those facts depends on the area you live in. I know we have an extremely high teenage pregnancy/child poverty rate- I fully believe the two go hand in hand.Average may not have been the correct term, but I know in both of our girls schools it's much higher than 6%



Mine are going into 8th grade and there have all ready been 9 girls have babies. One has had two, and my daughter said just last night three more have become pregnant over the summer. Who knows how many are having abortions.



It's never OK because everyone else is doing it (no matter what the topic is) but it's not the end of the world and acting like a lunatic is not going to help the problem, IMHO. I think that over reacting seems to cause more problems than it solves. Regardless of average or not, it is happening and did happen to the OP. She shouldn't think her child is a freak of nature, because she is not. You just have to deal with the cards you have been dealt and make the best of it.
















Quoting bizzeemom2717:

Omg 14 is NOT average now! People who just assume they know statistics I just don't understand? Maybe it's reality in their world so they just spout off random incorrect facts. These are the correct FACTS. http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/FB-ATSRH.html. Only 6% of teens age 15 have had sex...SIX percent. So. 14 is not average. It's not ok to justify this as ok because it's "average or normal" when you look at the facts.





Quoting HilbillyMamaof3:

My parents done this. Want to know how well it worked? I walked out the back door of the school and went across the country for 2 months came back to my home town, and moved out. Kids run away everyday, do you really want your child to live on the streets??







You can only control your kids until they are aware that you can't. The only thing you are doing, is proving you're psycho. What are you going to do then? Call the police, have them arrested? Put them in a group home or girls school because they had sex? Ultimately ruin their life. Get a grip.







I'm 34, I have a beautiful family, a nice home that we own. Our kids are involved in sports, make good grades. My husband has a good job, I did until I decided to leave to go to school a couple of years ago. Even though I had sex young- and became a mother young my life was not ruined, made harder but not ruined.







My children are taught the risk before. Sex is natural, its mire than likely going to happen before marriage. 14 is young, but average now. I would hate for our DDs to come home with this news, but we would deal with it like adults not raving lunatics. I feel sorry for your kids.








Quoting hhhanna:

What would I do??  You mean besides stepping up supervision to where I knew when she breathed and exactly how deep a breath she took?





She wouldn't be able to blink without me knowing it.  Door comes off the bedroom.  Privileges are completely revoked.  I will be sitting next to her in school and knowing where she is every second of the day.  I WOULD find a way to do this - my daughter wasn't having sex but she started skipping school and getting bad grades, wanna guess how quickly that turned around after I attended school with her (sitting next to her in her classrooms) for a week?



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
atlmom2
by Susie on Jul. 30, 2013 at 10:56 PM
Wrong. Been in this group since 2007. This is usually a non drama group. Some newbies have brought some drama lately.


Quoting JessicaR7:

I left advice, encouragement, and compassion...I did not leave an opinion. If I'm being honest I believe you and altmom2 are friends and gang up on members. There was nothing about my opinion to take issue with...you read a lot more into my opinion to support your agenda. Saying this is the Internet and I need thicker skin is a cop out is and an excuse for people like yourself to not take responsibility for being crass in an open forum. It doesn't matter what your definition of rude is, it is my perception of what I consider rude. Your initial comment was rude, don't hide behind the fact that you were being opinionated. You can be opinionated and classy at the same time. You can disagree without being offensive. You can state your points without misinterpreting my comment so you can piggy back your opinions off of.



I specifically asked altmom2 yesterday if she purposely sought out my comments to take issue with them. Clearly, it is personal on some level.





Quoting bizzeemom2717: 

Quoting JessicaR7:You are assuming I look at the previous comments and I do not. If you are directing something at me don't send me to research stats you are referring to. Now you want me to go back and read your previous comments to find your proposed solution? You took issue with my comment, not the other way around. I don't play these games ladies. In the future, if you have a point to make...make it without using my comment.

Quoting bizzeemom2717:Look above I did come up with a kind solution and a link.

Quoting JessicaR7:Stats are only good if teens respond honestly. Without a link to the data, it does not hold much weight. It's not a justification, it's about comforting this mom and giving her advice on what she can do right now. I said once a teen has sex it is likely they will do it again, I wasn't speaking in absolutes. Burying your head in the sand does not help this mom. Apparently your need to be right supercedes any empathy or willingness to give this mom advice on where to go from here. Way to turn a benign and encouraging comment into something that fits your agenda. Instead of attacking my advice, why don't you come up with a plan for this mom.Quoting bizzeemom2717:Nope 14 NOT even close to average. See my pp only 6% of 15 year olds have had sex. So not ok to use the "it's average" card as any type of justification. Also I have to disagree, a teen can make a mistake and learn from it. Just because they had sex once and made a mistake...BIG one if only 14 def doesn't mean there is no turning back, they can't learn from that mistake and not continue to repeat it. Good grief! Quoting JessicaR7:You can't really undo what is already done.  Unfortunately, 14 is probably the average these days.  Sometimes no matter what we try to teach our kids they can still disappoint us by making bad choices.  I'd ask her if she loves this boy, what made her want to have sex now, did she think she was going to lose him if she didn't, and how does she feel now after having sex.  Then I'd go into how her body is physically ready to have sex but emotionally and mentally this isn't something she is prepared for because it is a grown up act.  Let her know you are worried about her heart and about her being hurt as a result of having sex too young.  Of course talk about pregnancy, STDs, and STDs that aren't curable and life threatening.  I would go ahead and get her on birth control and buy her condoms.  Explain the importance of using both.  Once a teen is sexually active, it's like they will do it again because they don't associate a stigma with it.  I'm sorry momma, I know you must be having a rough day but trust me, other mom's have dealt with the same stuff before.  It doesn't say anything about you, your parenting, or your daughter.  I'm sending you a big internet hug!

 LOl, it sounds like you are taking this wayyyy too personal. This is a board where we share opinions....if you are going to leave your opinion but take personal offense to every other opinion (that was not attacking you in any means btw) you need to get MUCH thicker skin, yikes...this is a kind board, there are some boards on CM that are much more opinionated! In no way was I "rude", goodness..


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