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Am I asking too much of my 18 year old?

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My oldest daughter attended a short CNA program, she graduated yesterday and needs me to take care of the remaining balance of $800 on her loan (The first $1,000) was paid for by my Dad. -Well, she doesn't speak to me, has blocked me on facebook and honestly doesn't show me an interest in having a relationship with me. She moved out of my house last August to live with her Dad. So I don't see much of her either.

I went to her graduation and she didn't even say two words when I gave her, her gift.I am still willing to pay the $800 because it was for education. However, I would like her come to my house once a week and do housework, babysit her younger siblings, or just help me out with whatever is going on. I work full time and I can always use the help. -

I am planning on telling her this today.

Do you think this is fair? The reason I am asking is because when I had offered to pay this three months ago, I didn't tell her that I wanted her to do ANYTHING in return. However at that time she was treating me with a lot more respect.

 I don't feel as though I should pay a loan off for a disrespectuful brat unless she is willing to do something to help me. She is going to be by later today to pick up the signed loan papers...please give me your advice!

by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 11:27 AM
Replies (31-40):
marriedw6kids
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 1:02 PM

Yes I did agree and I told her that I would appreciate help around the house in exchange. She agreed but I haven't seen her since.

lrdmcw
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 1:08 PM

"wouldn't it be great if our teenagers would just naturally feel that obligation to help out wherever needed as if their contribution to the family were as natural as checking there text messages within moments of waking each day".  I would pay the loan and as foot note maybe state that until she finds a job that you could use a little help aroung the house and and would compensate her in some way...lunch out...girls day out... something that will also allow for some one-on-one time. 

marriedw6kids
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 1:10 PM

BUMP!

TexanMomOf6
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 1:12 PM
1 mom liked this

She already took the classes, why does she need a loan now? I would be tempted to let her do it alone. Maybe her dad can co-sign the loan.  She will be mad but I think that's just tough. She is going to treat you like dirt why obligate your money for her? You can do something for the younger kids instead.

 I sure wouldn't ask her to come in my house and disrespect me while shes "helping". She might fill the younger kids heads with crap just because she feels forced to be there.  IF I co-signed, I would give her the lecture "This may be the last money you ever get from me because I do not appreciate your treatment of me. I am a person too." 

liels898
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 1:17 PM
I'm sorry but what exactly is going through your head. One, you already said you'd pay so unless you want to be a person that doesn't do what they say they will, you should pay it without strings. Two, sorry but most kids have a perfectly good reason for cutting a parent out of their life, I'd be more worried about what her's is than finding out what I can make her do if I give her money I already promised her.
atlmom2
by Susie on Jul. 28, 2013 at 1:32 PM
You told her she needed to help around the house instead of paying, correct?
I would say you become pleasant and help out or the loan is yours to pay.
Sounds like a spoiled brat to me that wants everything but treats her parents like crap.
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marriedw6kids
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 2:03 PM

 

You must not have teenagers, they don't need a reasonl  We have five other kids and four of them are teenagers. She has also cut out her 17 year old step sister because they had an arguement about the step sister getting sick on 18yo birthday. 18 yo was mad about that in May and hasn't spoken to 17yo since. I think part of it is her age and I am hoping over time she will see that we all need eachother as a family.

Quoting liels898:

I'm sorry but what exactly is going through your head. One, you already said you'd pay so unless you want to be a person that doesn't do what they say they will, you should pay it without strings. Two, sorry but most kids have a perfectly good reason for cutting a parent out of their life, I'd be more worried about what her's is than finding out what I can make her do if I give her money I already promised her.


 

marriedw6kids
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 2:05 PM

 This is why I am so torn. One Mom tells me I am manipulating her and then you tell me that you think she is a spoiled brat! lol - I think she is a spoiled brat too. However, I do feel like I need to pay off the loan and if I never hear from her again then I just have to accept it. I don't know...


Quoting atlmom2:

You told her she needed to help around the house instead of paying, correct?
I would say you become pleasant and help out or the loan is yours to pay.
Sounds like a spoiled brat to me that wants everything but treats her parents like crap.


 

mjande4
by Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 2:13 PM
I agree with the others that say you are trying to manipulate your daughter's feelings. In addition, it's $800, NOT $8000! Pay it and be proud that your daughter finished the program. It sounds like you both could benefit from some family counseling. Obviously, there is a blended family that has not blended well.
marriedw6kids
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 2:13 PM

 

I am person too however I have to put my hurt feelings aside. When she needs me I have to help her no matter how she makes me feel.  I think that is what everyone except a few are telling me. I asked for advice so maybe I need to take it.

Quoting TexanMomOf6:

She already took the classes, why does she need a loan now? I would be tempted to let her do it alone. Maybe her dad can co-sign the loan.  She will be mad but I think that's just tough. She is going to treat you like dirt why obligate your money for her? You can do something for the younger kids instead.

 I sure wouldn't ask her to come in my house and disrespect me while shes "helping". She might fill the younger kids heads with crap just because she feels forced to be there.  IF I co-signed, I would give her the lecture "This may be the last money you ever get from me because I do not appreciate your treatment of me. I am a person too." 


 

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