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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

Am I asking too much of my 18 year old?

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My oldest daughter attended a short CNA program, she graduated yesterday and needs me to take care of the remaining balance of $800 on her loan (The first $1,000) was paid for by my Dad. -Well, she doesn't speak to me, has blocked me on facebook and honestly doesn't show me an interest in having a relationship with me. She moved out of my house last August to live with her Dad. So I don't see much of her either.

I went to her graduation and she didn't even say two words when I gave her, her gift.I am still willing to pay the $800 because it was for education. However, I would like her come to my house once a week and do housework, babysit her younger siblings, or just help me out with whatever is going on. I work full time and I can always use the help. -

I am planning on telling her this today.

Do you think this is fair? The reason I am asking is because when I had offered to pay this three months ago, I didn't tell her that I wanted her to do ANYTHING in return. However at that time she was treating me with a lot more respect.

 I don't feel as though I should pay a loan off for a disrespectuful brat unless she is willing to do something to help me. She is going to be by later today to pick up the signed loan papers...please give me your advice!

by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 11:27 AM
Replies (41-50):
marriedw6kids
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 2:21 PM

Haha she text me, she said " I need you to help me with the LVN program, it's only $30,000.00. Can we talk about you co-signing that loan and make payments for me?" I haven't responded...here we go again!  -- I am going to pay the $800 and not expect anything in return, not even respect.

Miss_Mandy80
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 2:30 PM

If my mom helped me with a loan, I would be more than grateful & willing to help out any way I could. I WOULD NOT expect my mom to pay for my education. I would be very appreciative of ANY financial help. JMO & how I feel about this situation.

atlmom2
by Susie on Jul. 28, 2013 at 2:47 PM
Holy crap. She is terrible. Do not respond. As I said she is spoiled, treats you like dirt and expects her butt kissed.


Quoting marriedw6kids:

Haha she text me, she said " I need you to help me with the LVN program, it's only $30,000.00. Can we talk about you co-signing that loan and make payments for me?" I haven't responded...here we go again!  -- I am going to pay the $800 and not expect anything in return, not even respect.


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atlmom2
by Susie on Jul. 28, 2013 at 2:49 PM
Read her latest post on page 4. Her dd is manipulating.


Quoting mjande4:

I agree with the others that say you are trying to manipulate your daughter's feelings. In addition, it's $800, NOT $8000! Pay it and be proud that your daughter finished the program. It sounds like you both could benefit from some family counseling. Obviously, there is a blended family that has not blended well.

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liels898
by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 2:52 PM
I have enough experience in child psychology to know that anger issues have a cause and that cause is often the parenting style unless some other factor can be found. Save your excuses. She cut you out of her life for a reason and it seems pretty apparent what that reason might be. You're a user. If someone doesn't do what you want you go back on your word or you insult them rather than dealing with your end of the issue. It's always someone else's problem, either she's a brat or it's just because she's a teen. Please.
Quoting marriedw6kids:

 

You must not have teenagers, they don't need a reasonl  We have five other kids and four of them are teenagers. She has also cut out her 17 year old step sister because they had an arguement about the step sister getting sick on 18yo birthday. 18 yo was mad about that in May and hasn't spoken to 17yo since. I think part of it is her age and I am hoping over time she will see that we all need eachother as a family.

Quoting liels898:

I'm sorry but what exactly is going through your head. One, you already said you'd pay so unless you want to be a person that doesn't do what they say they will, you should pay it without strings. Two, sorry but most kids have a perfectly good reason for cutting a parent out of their life, I'd be more worried about what her's is than finding out what I can make her do if I give her money I already promised her.


 


Barabell
by Barbara on Jul. 28, 2013 at 2:55 PM

Right, but it sounds like learned behavior since the mom is trying to do the same thing with the DD.

Quoting atlmom2:

Read her latest post on page 4. Her dd is manipulating.


Quoting mjande4:

I agree with the others that say you are trying to manipulate your daughter's feelings. In addition, it's $800, NOT $8000! Pay it and be proud that your daughter finished the program. It sounds like you both could benefit from some family counseling. Obviously, there is a blended family that has not blended well.


atlmom2
by Susie on Jul. 28, 2013 at 3:01 PM
1 mom liked this
Bottom line is she asked her dd to do work for her. She didn't. Doesn't have a job and now wants $30,000. Hell no. I don't see how Mom manipulated at all. Asking for respect is not manipulating.

Quoting Barabell:

Right, but it sounds like learned behavior since the mom is trying to do the same thing with the DD.

Quoting atlmom2:

Read her latest post on page 4. Her dd is manipulating.





Quoting mjande4:

I agree with the others that say you are trying to manipulate your daughter's feelings. In addition, it's $800, NOT $8000! Pay it and be proud that your daughter finished the program. It sounds like you both could benefit from some family counseling. Obviously, there is a blended family that has not blended well.





Posted on CafeMom Mobile
atlmom2
by Susie on Jul. 28, 2013 at 3:03 PM
Ummm she is coming around asking for $30,000. That is manipulating by dd. As spoiled brat dd.
She ask dd to do things for her originally from what I read. That is not going back. Dd is ungreatful.


Quoting liels898:

I have enough experience in child psychology to know that anger issues have a cause and that cause is often the parenting style unless some other factor can be found. Save your excuses. She cut you out of her life for a reason and it seems pretty apparent what that reason might be. You're a user. If someone doesn't do what you want you go back on your word or you insult them rather than dealing with your end of the issue. It's always someone else's problem, either she's a brat or it's just because she's a teen. Please.


Quoting marriedw6kids:

 


You must not have teenagers, they don't need a reasonl  We have five other kids and four of them are teenagers. She has also cut out her 17 year old step sister because they had an arguement about the step sister getting sick on 18yo birthday. 18 yo was mad about that in May and hasn't spoken to 17yo since. I think part of it is her age and I am hoping over time she will see that we all need eachother as a family.


Quoting liels898:

I'm sorry but what exactly is going through your head. One, you already said you'd pay so unless you want to be a person that doesn't do what they say they will, you should pay it without strings. Two, sorry but most kids have a perfectly good reason for cutting a parent out of their life, I'd be more worried about what her's is than finding out what I can make her do if I give her money I already promised her.



 




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Barabell
by Barbara on Jul. 28, 2013 at 3:05 PM

The question in the OP isn't about the $30,000. I'd say no to that also given the way the daughter is acting.

The mom already agreed to pay the $800. She didn't lay out any concrete situations with that money. I think the mom should still honor that agreement. She could remind her of her daughter's commitment to help out some, but without that being defined, it means different things to different people and there is no timeline to for her daughter to complete that end of the agreement.

Quoting atlmom2:

Bottom line is she asked her dd to do work for her. She didn't. Doesn't have a job and now wants $30,000. Hell no. I don't see how Mom manipulated at all. Asking for respect is not manipulating.

Quoting Barabell:

Right, but it sounds like learned behavior since the mom is trying to do the same thing with the DD.

Quoting atlmom2:

Read her latest post on page 4. Her dd is manipulating.





Quoting mjande4:

I agree with the others that say you are trying to manipulate your daughter's feelings. In addition, it's $800, NOT $8000! Pay it and be proud that your daughter finished the program. It sounds like you both could benefit from some family counseling. Obviously, there is a blended family that has not blended well.






gdiamante
by Bronze Member on Jul. 28, 2013 at 3:06 PM
1 mom liked this

Requiring chores will NOT make her respect you. Nor will giving her the money. Indeed, NOTHING but time will get that for you. No one appreciates their parents till they are parents themselves.

So cross that OFF your list of considerations. It's off the table because it's not something you can create.

Instead, I want you to consider what is best for her future. Being educated certainly is; it's the single most important thing you can give her after life and love. In that light, pay for the loabn. PAY FOR NOTHING ELSE.

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