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Am I asking too much of my 18 year old?

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My oldest daughter attended a short CNA program, she graduated yesterday and needs me to take care of the remaining balance of $800 on her loan (The first $1,000) was paid for by my Dad. -Well, she doesn't speak to me, has blocked me on facebook and honestly doesn't show me an interest in having a relationship with me. She moved out of my house last August to live with her Dad. So I don't see much of her either.

I went to her graduation and she didn't even say two words when I gave her, her gift.I am still willing to pay the $800 because it was for education. However, I would like her come to my house once a week and do housework, babysit her younger siblings, or just help me out with whatever is going on. I work full time and I can always use the help. -

I am planning on telling her this today.

Do you think this is fair? The reason I am asking is because when I had offered to pay this three months ago, I didn't tell her that I wanted her to do ANYTHING in return. However at that time she was treating me with a lot more respect.

 I don't feel as though I should pay a loan off for a disrespectuful brat unless she is willing to do something to help me. She is going to be by later today to pick up the signed loan papers...please give me your advice!

by on Jul. 28, 2013 at 11:27 AM
Replies (91-94):
by Member on Aug. 12, 2013 at 1:52 AM
I would have an honest and calm talk with her. explain that when you made the offer you sincerely wanted to help because she is your daughter, but that her recent behavior had made it all but impossible for you to keep your word because you feel you would be doing her s disservice by allowing her to think that as an adult she can get away with reading people poorly without repercussions.
by on Aug. 12, 2013 at 2:03 AM
There shouldn't be strings attached. You can either GIVE her the money or LOAN her the money. If you loan her the money you could tell she can help out around your house and babysit to pay it back.
by Susie on Aug. 12, 2013 at 7:36 AM
You are enabling your daughter. She is never ever gonna stop being a brat. You have to stop or deal with a brat.

Quoting marriedw6kids:

She came over to pick up money, said she needed it to go to Santa Cruz with her friend. I gave it to her like I always do, it's my fault she feels entitled.

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by Kimberly on Aug. 12, 2013 at 11:35 AM

Quoting marriedw6kids:

 This is why I am so torn. One Mom tells me I am manipulating her and then you tell me that you think she is a spoiled brat! lol - I think she is a spoiled brat too. However, I do feel like I need to pay off the loan and if I never hear from her again then I just have to accept it. I don't know...

Quoting atlmom2:

You told her she needed to help around the house instead of paying, correct?
I would say you become pleasant and help out or the loan is yours to pay.
Sounds like a spoiled brat to me that wants everything but treats her parents like crap.

Just to clarify....  in your OP, you stated that when you agreed to pay the $800, you did not ask for anything in return.   It is manipulative to turn around and say that NOW you want something in return, especially because you do not like her behavior towards you.   It is manipulative to try to get her to do your bidding while hanging something over her head (the loan), especially using your other children, which will breed resentment.  

In another reply, you stated that you did tell her that you would expect help around the house in exchange for paying her loan.    If that was the original agreement, then you have every right to expect her to stick to the bargain.

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