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I have a 16 year old dd and we fight all the time because I have anger issues. I have called her fat, ugly, stupid , not good enough, worthless, loser and a bunch of other things. I know I get angry at her for no reason but I tell her that I'm sorry all the time. But she never accepts my apology she just  always gets angry and sad that I have called her these names. I am very sorry to my dd but she can't see how sorry I am. She has told me before that she loves me just because I gave life to her and raised her. But she doesn't love me in any other way.

by on Jul. 30, 2013 at 12:21 PM
Replies (31-34):
JessicaR7
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 2:41 PM
1 mom liked this

My mom used to say these things to me along with calling me a slut and a whore too.  What you are doing is abuse.  No one 'really' has anger issues.  I get angry...I get pissed but I know how to control my anger.  When you lose your temper with your kids, they lose respect for you as an authority figure.  I don't have a relationship with my mother to this day because I still don't trust her.  If you want a better relationship with your daughter, you need to put in the work and get therapy for yourself first.  Saying your sorry does not lessen the words you've said.  And since this appears to be a pattern your apologies have become meaningless to your daughter.  Instead of making promises and apologies you don't plan on keeping take the initiative to start going to therapy and learn some techniques to calm yourself.  Identify your triggers for getting angry and learn how to stop them before they start.  I understand what your daughter means about she loves you because you are her 'mother' but she doesn't love or feel like there is a real relationship there. 

It wasn't until I had a daughter of my own that I realized how messed up my mom's behavior was to me.  My daugther has disappointed me and she has made some pretty big mistakes but I have never called her any of those names.  I can think of one time in 18 years that I lost my temper with her.  As a mother, I never wanted to damage or hurt my child.

You need to take this opportunity and be the mom your daughter deserves.  Clearly, this wasn't your goal when you decided to have your daughter.

drfink
by Emily on Aug. 1, 2013 at 4:55 PM

 

Quoting FindersKeepers:

Sorry is an action, not a word.

Saying sorry is meaningless if you are not doing anything to change your behavior.   She has no reason to forgive you since you keep treating her the same way.    The words you use and your anger are unacceptable.  She has no reason to forgive you since she (and you) know that you are going to do it again. 

 Perfect !

I have tried to teach all my children this about saying sorry and hurting feelings.

mudwrap
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 4:58 PM
Good for her. She has self worth. Being verbally and emotionally abused by a loved one then apologizing for it isn't the right way of treating someone.
MusherMaggie
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 11:33 PM
I would say you might need to look into counseling and perhaps medication. Bi-polar comes to mind...
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