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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

My teen is driving me crazy :(

Posted by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:36 AM
  • 14 Replies
My daughter is 15. it seems all we Do lately is argue... About everything. She is rude, ungrateful and down right mean at times. I can't ask her to do anything without an argument. I do so much for her. My husband (her step father) works his butt off and she has nice things (an iPhone, designer clothes, etc) I am so sick and tired of arguing over every little thing. I'm at my Witts end and don't know what to do. I can't get her to help with anything around house, she won't keep her room clean all she wants to do is hang out with her friends. I miss my little girl. I feel like she is pushing me out of her life and at the same time it's getting to the point where I don't want to talk to her because all she does is snap at me. It's like the only thing I'm good for is money and rides. I'm heart broken. I have a toddler and am currently pregnant. I could really use a little help. Most of all I'm sick of the arguments. Please tell me it gets better. :(
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
arkmomma06
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:50 AM
1 mom liked this
I have a 14 year old that does the same thing to me. Your not alone!!
steelcrazy
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:01 AM
1 mom liked this

 My 13 year old hasn't started this, however I can remember that my parents used to pay us with monopoly money for doing extra things around the house, then we'd have to use that money to pay for our parents to do things for us, like drive us to the mall, do our laundry, have friends over, etc.  Basically we got paid for doing extras and had to pay our parents for extras.  Designer clothing wasn't considered a necessity so if we wanted those, we'd have to use our "extras money" to pay the difference.

GleekingOut
by Silver Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 6:40 AM
1 mom liked this

Take all the fancy stuff away - her iphone, her designer clothes, and ground her. Until she does what you want - the only things you have to do for her are provide weather appropriate clothes that fit her, a roof over her head, 3 meals a day and somewhere to sleep. Tell her that until she can do her chores and treat you with respect - she will have NO extras. Tell her that if she wants extras - to apply for a job.

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Aug. 1, 2013 at 9:56 AM
Yep this. And don't take places either until she learns to respect you.

Quoting GleekingOut:

Take all the fancy stuff away - her iphone, her designer clothes, and ground her. Until she does what you want - the only things you have to do for her are provide weather appropriate clothes that fit her, a roof over her head, 3 meals a day and somewhere to sleep. Tell her that until she can do her chores and treat you with respect - she will have NO extras. Tell her that if she wants extras - to apply for a job.

oscarsmom70
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 11:56 AM

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.  If it makes you feel any better - you are not alone!  Many of us have struggled with similar challenges.  I have boys and they come with different challenges  :-)

With that said, I found this article on the website of the non-profit I work for that offers some advice that I am hoping may be helpful for you.

Sending you hugs and encouragement!!


Jaime_707
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:26 PM
Thanks for everyone's tips. I have tried taking things away and then i just have a miserable, crying, bratty teenager sulking around the house making everyone else miserable too. I want her to be happy and I want her to have nice things but I also want her to deserve and appreciate them. I'm thinking maybe going to counseling with her.
JessicaR7
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:48 PM

I so sympathize, teenage girls can definitely be a handful.  Mine was a little hellion and if I told you stories you would be glad your teen is just acting spoiled :)

You actually do some little things to make it better.  If she snaps at you tell her, "talking to me like that what get you what you want" and walk away.  Another good one is "don't talk to me that way, I don't like it" and walk away. 

If you ask her to do something and she snaps at you tell her "she is losing her iPhone for an hour and during that time she has to show you that she can treat and speak to you with respect".  During that hour if she is rude to you, the hour starts again.  If she is able to speak to you politely during that time, she has to sit down with you and tell you what she will do differently next time before you give her back her iPhone.  Bigger offenses, she loses the phone for a day and each day thereafter until she exhibits the behavior you want to see.

Your responsbility is to provide certain necessities for your child and her responsibility is to clean her room.  She can't hang out with friends until she cleans her room, it is that simple. 

Everything beyond food, clothing and shelter is a privelege.  You don't have to buy her designer clothes, you could take her to Walmart for her clothes.  Hell, you don't even have to buy her snacks or foods she likes. Right now, you don't love your daughter's behavior and she needs to change the way she treats you.  Let her know that buying her nice clothes is a privelege and you don't go out of your way for people who abuse you.

Hopefully, these little tips help you out so you can have a little more control, sanity, and peace of mind in your home.  Your relationship will improve as she matures.

Barabell
by Barbara on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:58 PM

My son is 14, but he still does what we tell him to do, even if it's with a sullen look on his face. 

I do know that if he started talking back or didn't do what we told him, he would start losing privileges. Like last week I said his friend couldn't come over until his room was cleaned. So he did end up cleaning his room completely because he knew I would follow through with him not seeing his friend. He also knows that if he started to give too much attitude or talked back that I would have said no to hanging out with any friends. He knows we'll follow through with our punishments, so he ends up doing what we ask of him and does it respectfully.

CBMomma42
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 9:43 PM
My 17 year old keeps telling me he can't wait to move out! He says it like he hates me. I also have a 10 month old ds. My 17 year old ds, wants for nothing and does not have to lift a finger. His step dad and I recently bought a new car, so he can have our other car. He has it made, not sure what is with his attitude? So you are not alone.
bizzeemom2717
by Jen on Aug. 1, 2013 at 11:59 PM
Hugs. It's tough I have a 15 year old. I agree with the pp that mentioned taking away privileges. It really may help if you try counseling. A good family counselor may be able to help you work through boundaries. Good luck and hang in there

Quoting Jaime_707:

Thanks for everyone's tips. I have tried taking things away and then i just have a miserable, crying, bratty teenager sulking around the house making everyone else miserable too. I want her to be happy and I want her to have nice things but I also want her to deserve and appreciate them. I'm thinking maybe going to counseling with her.
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