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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

my kids don't need me anymore

Posted by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:50 AM
  • 7 Replies

I've been feeling nostalgic and sad this summer....my 2 teens, a girl, age 16, and a boy, age 15, have finally hit the point where they don't want to do much with mom anymore.

I've been a stay at home mom for the past 16 years, although I have substitute taught occasionally.

My husband travels a lot on business, and my son is adhd, so it just didn't work out for me to work with all my

son's tutoring, counseling, and doctor appointments for his adhd...plus his adhd coach sessions as well.

Well, up until this summer, my son wanted to spend time with me....my daughter not so much.

Well my baby...my son...now wants to hang out with his sister....they are in marching band together, and just started band camp together this week.   My son will be in his first year of high school this coming fall...so I'm glad that he is bonding with his sister.  However, I miss the times that we used to spend together. He isn't

really interested in doing or going anywhere with me anymore....except an occasional movie or out to eat.

I miss spending time with my kids....and my husband will be out of town for the next 3 to 6 weeks on business!  My friends are busy with their husbands, who don't travel or work the hours that my husband works.   Switching jobs is not an option for him now.

I just feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me....as soon as my daughter got her driving license, things shifted with my kids....my daughter drives herself and my son everywhere they go....they prefer to be with each other rather than with mom.  I'm super glad they're bonding....but I'm missing them.

They have band camp together for the next 2 weeks from 9:00 am till 4:00 pm and my husband will be out of town...I substitute teach...so I don't work over the summer.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to make adjusting to your kids growing away from you any easier?

I guess this is what happens when you are a stay at home mom for so many years....you get so wrapped up in your kids that you feel lonely and miss them when they start to grow away from you.  I needed to stay home with them when they were growing up because my husband traveled on business, and my son needed someone keeping him on target constantly when he was younger...as a result... I now am at a loss as to what to do with myself since he is growing up now.

I had hoped to go back to teaching fulltime, but the market here for teaching jobs is very tight...and I have been out of the teaching field for so long...at least I can substitute teach...but that doesn't fill my summer

time days that now feel empty without going places and doing things with my kids on a daily basis....I used to love the summer....but this summer just feels so empty.

I would appreciate any suggestions or ideas...thanks for listening.

by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 12:50 AM
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Replies (1-7):
sabrtooth1
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:04 AM

Go volunteer with the band.  I worked at least 30 hrs a week, my kids were BOTH ADD/ODD/OCD, and I still had time to volunteer.  During band camp, we always needed parents to be there with coolers full of water and snacks, wet towels, and sunscreen. 

Go volunteer in the community as well.  There are lots of places that need help, and if you volunteer thru the church, or at your local hospital, library, or Farmers Market, you'll meet local people, and might make friends.  I did.

steelcrazy
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:06 AM

 I'm so sorry and wish that I had advice to offer.  I fear that I will be you in a few short years if I don't get myself a full time job.  My boys are 13 and 10 and need very little from me any longer.

About the only thing that I can offer is a little sympathy and suggest a good book series that I've been reading this summer.  It is by Robyn Carr, the first book and the series are called Virgin River.  All of my friends are reading them and thoroughly enjoying the books.

fammatthews4
by Trisha on Aug. 1, 2013 at 6:00 AM
What kinds of things are you interested in? If you like crafts look into taking a class at a local craft store, look at the library for reading groups, book clubs, etc. volunteering in the community is always great and of you decide to go back to work full time after the kids graduate it will look good on your résumé. If you have a community college near you look into taking continuing education classes. Any of these things will help you make friends as well.
jhelmke
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 6:18 AM

My son is 13 almost 14 years old. He been needing me less and less. I decided to take classes I always wanted to take . Someof them are crafts others are workout classes.  

jdy9440
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 6:48 AM

Just went through all this and I know how you are feeling. Mine recently have moved out and even though I do work, I miss them like crazy....

atlmom2
by Susie on Aug. 1, 2013 at 7:52 AM
It means you did your job well. Teens are supposed to be like that. You do have to find things for yourself. I have volunteered with 2 non profits for 8 years. I belong to a ladies fun group also. We have meetings, ladies lunches, ladies day or evenings out.
I have been a sahm for 20 years. I guess I always had my own life separate from my girls. Dh and I were ready when we became empty nesters last year. After a few weeks adujusting it was great.
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mumsy2three
by Shauna on Aug. 1, 2013 at 8:27 AM

It's time for you to start doing some things for you now since you have more time. When your kids and husband are away find things to do  that you like/want to do~ take a class,  spend time browsing the library/book store shelves or window shopping, get a facial or a massage, volunteer at the school or in the community.

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