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Advice Needed: HELP Entitlement VS Earned Both of my teens seem to...

Posted by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:16 PM
  • 18 Replies

HELP! Entitlement VS Earned....Both of my teens seem to think that things are handed on a newly polished silver PLATTER... That they are entitled, I constantly say NO... you earn! They do not get it and I cant seem to get it to sink in. We are very open and we talk about everything from a-z.. I am a single full time working mom who busts her BUTT for most of what they have. Their dad pays his support but does the bare minimum other than being the Sperm donor. I do not have any backup for discipline, encouragement, etc. They do not talk to him about anything as he is quite unapproachable and cut and dry. If anyone has some good ideas on how to get them to understand the difference, Im up for any feedback. My son is 15- still too young to work fast food etc, we have been looking. My daughter is 13 has babysitter cert, but hasnt found anything. I work all day and they do NOTHING , no chores but stay cool using my electricity and air conditioner.... This is NOT the way I grew up. Only my parents had an air conditioner in their room. UGH!

by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:35 PM
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Stop buying and doing things for them. Lock up electronics unless earned by doing chores. They want money, make a list of things you need dome with monitary values by it and let them earn it.

I never got a flat allowance. However washing the car was $5, mop the floors $3, $1 per window (inside and out), etc.
Coleen9767
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:43 PM

Great idea! They could- CAN earn as much as they put in! put in 0 get 0.. I LIKEY!

Barabell
by Barbara on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:45 PM
1 mom liked this

Just because they're not earning money outside of the home, it doesn't mean they can't learn how to earn things. Have them contribute around the home. My son has chores, but he only gets paid an allowance if he does them without us reminding him. Needless to say, he hasn't earned an allowance in a few months, but I'm hopeful that he's going to miss the spending money and step up to doing the chores soon without us having to remind him. 

momcat437
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:46 PM

 Yup, they're old enough to start earning their privileges!  You, however, need to stick to your guns and not give in to any whining or complaining--that's the hard part!  You're the mom, you're in charge, they can go with it or go without anything!  Good luck!

JessicaR7
by Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:47 PM

Give them a list of things to do while you are at work; laundry, dishes, dusting, etc.  If those things don't get done, they don't get extras.  And there are consequences for them not doing their chores.  You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink...but you can make him real thirsty.  If they aren't doing what they are told to do, then take away the things they like.  Take away cell phones or cut off their internet access if necessary.  You can pay them allowance for their chores once a week.  I personally think this works better than giving them options of what to do because they won't do anything until they want something.

Jinx-Troublex3
by Bronze Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:48 PM
Price it out by what you can afford. If you need/want to put a max of $10-$20 a week per kid. We were paying on a chore basis and o don't like how it is working. I am going to start this same jobs for $ list when my 15yo gets home from camp next week.

We will need to put a max of $10 per week per kid on it since we have 3. That's still a lot of $.
Barabell
by Barbara on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:59 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting Jinx-Troublex3:

Price it out by what you can afford. If you need/want to put a max of $10-$20 a week per kid. We were paying on a chore basis and o don't like how it is working. I am going to start this same jobs for $ list when my 15yo gets home from camp next week.

We will need to put a max of $10 per week per kid on it since we have 3. That's still a lot of $.

We have a $10 a week limit too, and we only have one kid. It does add up fast (if they do their chores).

Coleen9767
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 2:54 PM

They dont get an allowance but for us School comes first and they are able to make $100 each report card.

$10= A  $5= B   $2.50=C

If they got an A in each subject they would get $50 from me and $50 from their dad. Not one of us has paid out $50. That was my strategy for school... Again not working....

And as far as chores, I am way to tired and they are way to old to have me cleaning up after them when I get home from working all day. And still need to cook and serve dinner. OH and possibly drive to a sport also. So my day starts at 5am and ends about 10pm.. Im sure like alot of other moms out there. I do feel a little harder for a single mom with 4 nights completely off from kids a month when they go to their dads which means I do ahve them 26 nights a month... Oh and he still goes to work when he does have them most times... UGH

 I do like your response. Perhaps I can take a little of everyones feedback and come up with a game plan.

Thank you so much

Coleen9767
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 2:59 PM

Times now are so different. It's like they became teens and all hell broke loose. I feel like I lost control! There isnt a house phone so one would need to keep their phone so hopefully one does their chores to keep their phone. They do do their laundry but also wait until they have no clothes to do so, then fight over the washer... I stopped doing their laundry about a year ago when they stopped putting it away and I would find clean folded clothes back in the laundry when they cleaned their room.. OR id see them thrown in a pile! UMM NO!

Coleen9767
by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 3:01 PM

Guilty as charged....the slamming of doors etc get to be too much sometimes... But your right!!!! MY HOUSE, MY RULES! Thats the old school way how I was brought up...

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