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Advice Needed: HELP Entitlement VS Earned Both of my teens seem to...

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HELP! Entitlement VS Earned....Both of my teens seem to think that things are handed on a newly polished silver PLATTER... That they are entitled, I constantly say NO... you earn! They do not get it and I cant seem to get it to sink in. We are very open and we talk about everything from a-z.. I am a single full time working mom who busts her BUTT for most of what they have. Their dad pays his support but does the bare minimum other than being the Sperm donor. I do not have any backup for discipline, encouragement, etc. They do not talk to him about anything as he is quite unapproachable and cut and dry. If anyone has some good ideas on how to get them to understand the difference, Im up for any feedback. My son is 15- still too young to work fast food etc, we have been looking. My daughter is 13 has babysitter cert, but hasnt found anything. I work all day and they do NOTHING , no chores but stay cool using my electricity and air conditioner.... This is NOT the way I grew up. Only my parents had an air conditioner in their room. UGH!

by on Aug. 1, 2013 at 1:16 PM
Replies (11-18):
by Silver Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 6:12 PM

I never paid for chores or grades, I expect both to be done and done well.  If they are not, I pull electronics, phones, etc...  If chores are not done by the time dinner is done, and often cooked by them, then they can eat when they are done and the kitchen closes at 8 pm.  I am a bit of a hard a$$ but things get done.

by Silver Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 6:44 PM
Is there a way you can put controls on the airconditioner so that they cannot use it without your permission?
by Bronze Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 7:46 PM

 I have 4 and when it came to laundry I gave them each a day and if it wasn't your day too damm bad. DO it when your scedualed to do it or go with out.  I took the weekend as I work full time and needed to do all mine and DH's as well as the sheets towels etc.  DD only missed on of her days and then she was doing it when she was suppose to.

Quoting Coleen9767:

Times now are so different. It's like they became teens and all hell broke loose. I feel like I lost control! There isnt a house phone so one would need to keep their phone so hopefully one does their chores to keep their phone. They do do their laundry but also wait until they have no clothes to do so, then fight over the washer... I stopped doing their laundry about a year ago when they stopped putting it away and I would find clean folded clothes back in the laundry when they cleaned their room.. OR id see them thrown in a pile! UMM NO!

by Bronze Member on Aug. 1, 2013 at 7:49 PM

The slamming of the doors was solved in our house by taking the bedroom doors off. DD was and still is a drama queen to a point, at 7 after being punished and sent to her room so I wouldn't kill her. She proceeded to slam her door continually to try and make a point. I told her one more time and it comes off. She looked me dead in the face and said you can't do that I need privacy. Guess who's door was off in less than 5 minutes. Dh came home from work to find it proped up in the hallway

Quoting Coleen9767:

Guilty as charged....the slamming of doors etc get to be too much sometimes... But your right!!!! MY HOUSE, MY RULES! Thats the old school way how I was brought up...

by on Aug. 2, 2013 at 3:00 PM

Stop doing their laundry or any other type of cleaning up after them.  My 14 year does laundry and any other chores I leave for her.  If she doens't she loses priveledges.  We have password protected the computer in the past and have locked out the wi-fi internet access as well if chores weren't getting done.  I leave a list on the table in the morning so she and her sister can't say that they didn't know what needed to be done.

by Kimberly on Aug. 2, 2013 at 7:36 PM

Time to get tough.    I agree with assigning each a day to do laundry, including their own bedding and a load of towels.  If they do not do it, they go without clean clothes.   Lock up the laundry supplies.       Assign daily chores.  You should not have to come home to a messy house if they have been home all day.   If they choose to not do their chores, then take away all priveledges:  you do not drive them anywhere, allow them to have friends over or go out with friends.  Do not make them dinner.  They can heat up a can of soup.   When you grocery shop, only buy the necesseties... no yummy snacks, or favorite foods.  

They need to understand that you only have to provide a roof over their heads, clothes on their backs (not name brands or stylish) and food to eat.     Everything else is a bonus.   They need to pull their weight or they do not receive the 'bonus'.       

by Bronze Member on Aug. 3, 2013 at 1:05 AM

Tough love time. Earn it or go with out. Since they are to young to work then they earn privelages by doing things around the house. That is how we did it with our kids and that is how we are doing it with the grandkids that we are raising now. There are certain things that they know have to happen before they even can think about asking to have a friend stay the night or go stay the night at a friend's house. We still deal with the attitude of feeling like they are owed things just because they are breathing. They can think it but it doesn't happen. The motto here has been and is now EARN IT OR DO WITH OUT!

by Bronze Member on Aug. 3, 2013 at 1:03 PM

 Stop doing the housework and make a chore chart for them. If they don't do chores they loose something. Phone,ipod etc..

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