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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

I'm his enemy. UPDATED.

Posted by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 1:21 PM
  • 10 Replies
The other side of the family has succeeded in turning my 13 year old son against me. He has reported me to CPS (false report of course) and I was investigated. He has not come back home since visiting with them in April. I took the police with me to retrieve him but they would not do so he was having violent outburst and they said it was a liability issue. So now I am going through legal routes including filing for custody to get him back so that he go through intensive counseling for the brainwashing. It has been devastating and I went through quite a depression. Sigh. I don't have any support during these stressful times. Anyone else gone or is going through this? NOTE: Since the child support modification hearing, his father has been angry with the fact that he was to be significantly more monthly. He and his mother has told my son that I get $800 per month in child support which is a lie (I get $650 per month) and I discussed this with my son and let him know that grown up business is to remain simply that. I confronted granny whom stated she never told him that. But df I did not since I know it will cause an argument and not even worth my energy. But over the past few years he has been fed lies that I am not spending the money on him which is another lie. I am a RN (for 6 years and a LPN for about a year before that) and make an exceptional amount of money a year as the majority of RNs do. They have led him to believe that he is better off with them. His father in the past has told him that if he lives with me he won't be able to watch tv and do all the other things he likes to do. I am the parent that sets boundaries and requires that extras are earned, not giving a 13 year old $100 sneakers when he is not doing what he is suppose to do in school and at home like the other side does. I thought that there would be no issue with his father with us parenting him but obviously I was wrong. Because custody was never established, his father and I considered having shared custody. So in order to make the best decisions for him and his well being, I need to get sole physical and legal custody. His father filed for a modification in CS and did not show up for the hearing. All in all it is a lot of drama and I am trying to put a stop to it once and for all. My son should not be used as a pawn because they have sour grapes against me.
by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 1:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bizzeemom2717
by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 2:55 PM
Hugs I'm sorry. Never been through it. Hopefully someone else has some advice. 13 is a tough age
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Cindy18
by Bronze Member on Aug. 4, 2013 at 3:00 PM
Why do you have to file to get custody of your son? Sounds like more has been told before and I missed it or you aren't telling everything now.
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sahlady
by Gold Member on Aug. 4, 2013 at 3:04 PM

this.

why would the family "brain wash" him to be against you unless there is MUCH more to this story.

Quoting Cindy18:

 Sounds like more has been told before and I missed it or you aren't telling everything now.


fammatthews4
by Trisha on Aug. 4, 2013 at 3:39 PM

I haven't been through anything like this, and don't really have any advise, but here is a (((HUG))) for you as you go through this difficult time

luvmia
by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 4:52 PM
NOTE: Since the child support modification hearing, his father has been angry with the fact that he was to be significantly more monthly. He and his mother has told my son that I get $800 per month in child support which is a lie (I get $650 per month) and I discussed this with my son and let him know that grown up business is to remain simply that. I confronted granny whom stated she never told him that. But df I did not since I know it will cause an argument and not even worth my energy. But over the past few years he has been fed lies that I am not spending the money on him which is another lie. I am a RN (for 6 years and a LPN for about a year before that) and make an exceptional amount of money a year as the majority of RNs do. They have led him to believe that he is better off with them. His father in the past has told him that if he lives with me he won't be able to watch tv and do all the other things he likes to do. I am the parent that sets boundaries and requires that extras are earned, not giving a 13 year old $100 sneakers when he is not doing what he is suppose to do in school and at home like the other side does. I thought that there would be no issue with his father with us parenting him but obviously I was wrong. Because custody was never established, his father and I considered having shared custody. So in order to make the best decisions for him and his well being, I need to get sole physical and legal custody. His father filed for a modification in CS and did not show up for the hearing. All in all it is a lot of drama and I am trying to put a stop to it once and for all. My son should not be used as a pawn because they have sour grapes against me.
Quoting Cindy18:

Why do you have to file to get custody of your son? Sounds like more has been told before and I missed it or you aren't telling everything now.

luvmia
by on Aug. 4, 2013 at 4:54 PM
NOTE: Since the child support modification hearing, his father has been angry with the fact that he was to be significantly more monthly. He and his mother has told my son that I get $800 per month in child support which is a lie (I get $650 per month) and I discussed this with my son and let him know that grown up business is to remain simply that. I confronted granny whom stated she never told him that. But df I did not since I know it will cause an argument and not even worth my energy. But over the past few years he has been fed lies that I am not spending the money on him which is another lie. I am a RN (for 6 years and a LPN for about a year before that) and make an exceptional amount of money a year as the majority of RNs do. They have led him to believe that he is better off with them. His father in the past has told him that if he lives with me he won't be able to watch tv and do all the other things he likes to do. I am the parent that sets boundaries and requires that extras are earned, not giving a 13 year old $100 sneakers when he is not doing what he is suppose to do in school and at home like the other side does. I thought that there would be no issue with his father with us parenting him but obviously I was wrong. Because custody was never established, his father and I considered having shared custody. So in order to make the best decisions for him and his well being, I need to get sole physical and legal custody. His father filed for a modification in CS and did not show up for the hearing. All in all it is a lot of drama and I am trying to put a stop to it once and for all. My son should not be used as a pawn because they have sour grapes against me.
Quoting sahlady:

this.

why would the family "brain wash" him to be against you unless there is MUCH more to this story.

Quoting Cindy18:

Ā Sounds like more has been told before and I missed it or you aren't telling everything now.



nuts4scouts
by Member on Aug. 5, 2013 at 2:46 AM

Copying your comment does nothing to answer the questions.

You state that you are only NOW filing for custody. However, you also state that you have court ordered child support.

Why/how would a court order your husband to pay you child support if you do not have custody of the child?

How can a 13 year old be "brainwashed" in 3-4 months? 

If he had a decent life with you why would he believe "lies" about what you would, and would not allow him to do? He would know from first hand experience that they were "lies".

Yep, lots more to this than we have been told here.

02nana07
by Ida on Aug. 5, 2013 at 8:26 AM

 You shouldn't have to file for custody if you are getting child support custody has been established so something is missing here.

MrsBLB
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 9:50 AM

I've never been thru anything like this.  I hope it all works out.  

HilbillyMamaof3
by on Aug. 5, 2013 at 10:14 AM
Good luck, we've been through the courts and I know it's not a one size fits all policy. What works for one may not work for another. I have the pleasure of not having to co-parent, thank God, but my Dh does.

Kids are fickle creatures, if he went to his dads and being a boy he probably wants and needs him in the picture more. Therefore he is seeking his approval. Your answer about grown ups is not an answer, this involves his life and he is old enough to understand what is going on, that did not help your case.

Time tells all, if you are not an evil monster parent, he knows this in his heart and will see things for what they are in due time. He's old enough to decide where he wants to live, I think, heartbroken, I would let him stay if his father is not neglectful. Let him know it hurts you, and that your door will always be open.

We are going through this with SD. My house has rule that she does not like, material things are earned not just given. Her mother has filled her head with all kinds of bullshit. She actually told me a few months ago, why does my dad want something to do with me now, when he didn't when I was little. I just stared at her and asked if she was serious. When we got home I pulled out the photo albums, pictures are worth a thousand words and thankfully I love to take pictures. She was like well mom said, and I told her she needs to think about what mom says to what mom does, and what dad says to what dad does. Mom talks a good game, but never delivers. I don't bash her mother though and I don't tell her how to think. I just tell her to think it through herself. To actually think about what is being said.

Anyway, my Dh is giving her space. He calls her throughout the week and misses her like crazy. We're not going back to court, if she doesn't want to live here no one is going to force her. We lost the last custody modification, but there were a lot of add ons, if she doesn't do this and if that happens, he will order her to live here. He bought into her shit and gave her sometime for her and mom to get there shit together. We could go back and have it changed, but he's not. Sd lied in court about her mom, and what is going on. My Dh said he didn't want her to hear something's (her mom couldn't go to court so Sd was there to represent her) yes, most judges would have given us custody right then, this one didn't. He saw Sd as a responsible victim of her mothers disability and that she, with the aid of us and birthmoms parents, can take care of her properly. It was nuts, but it is what it is.

I think dragging your son through counseling and using word like "brainwashing" is going to put him on the defensive. You need to let time play out, IMO. When they get older they will see. I was the same, I put my dad on a pedestal, it took me until I was about 16 to see the truth. The thing is, is it hurts them when they do see the truth. That's when counseling and a lot of love is needed. I think most kids of divorce go through this, and right about the same time.
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