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homeless 18 year old Update added

Posted by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 12:03 PM
  • 30 Replies

My son's friend who just turned 18 and will be a senior next year showed up at our house late last night. I have never met the parents and barely know the boy. Well, my son and I live in a tiny 2 bedroom apartment and he thinks he is moving in with us!!! I said no, called his father, the father said he has epilepsy. The boy had no medication with him, the father has kicked him out of the house for talking back and not having a job. He said the boy is ruining his marriage. Nice dad huh? Well, does anyone know what I should do with him? My son will blame me if the kid is out on the street. I feel bad , but I can hardly take care of us with living expenses so high in CA.

Update: Well, the boy/man is still with us. I took him to social services to apply for medical and food stamps until he has a job. Feeding him and my son means constantgrocery shopping. They told him he is a minor (what the heck!) and his father needs to sign papers, he needs to go to DMV with his birth cert. and obtain a CA ID card. to apply. Every place I called for housing he was to old or too young. The age between 18-21 is a grey area. I could drop him off at Navy recruitment if he didn't have EPILEPSY. A social worker is coming early tomorrow to see if he can interview him and help.  I am feeling very stressed. I am having kind of a panic attack tonight. I said NO at first, this is becoming very hard and he doesn't seem to be doing anything to help himself.  If I had known him before this for a while or his parents it would be different. But, I have a virtual stranger in my home and influencing my son.  I am feeling my life is becoming out of my control for the first time since I left my abusive husband.

by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 12:03 PM
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Replies (1-10):
atlmom2
by Susie on Aug. 14, 2013 at 12:13 PM
I took in a girl kicked out. Never ever doing that again, ever. Thought it would be for a week or 2. Ended up 3 months.
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fantasticfour
by Grumpy on Aug. 14, 2013 at 1:27 PM

 Wow, I would call the mom today.  I would have let him crash and then called later.  My son ran away once and told everyone I kicked him out.  I was out for hours looking for him.  Police did NOTHING.  Finally found him and when I did the parents had no idea he was being looked for and he was a minor.

sabrtooth1
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 1:50 PM

Say NO.  This kid IS a legal adult.  Why should you support, feed, clothe and house him?   You do not know the full story.  Smart mouth and no job may just be the tip of the iceburg. 

This came up once or twice with my kid's friends.  We ALWAYS said NO.  We knew all their friends, and the parents, and told the kids to go home and work it out.  Besides, our rules were just as tough, if not tougher, than the rules the kids wouldn't obey at home!

MrsBLB
by Missi on Aug. 14, 2013 at 1:59 PM

I would try calling his mom.  You can only do so much.  Good luck.

FindersKeepers
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 4:50 PM
2 moms liked this

Tough call... it is probably easiest to turn the kid away and go on with your life.  However, I would have a hard time time turning this kid out into the street without any resources.  

We took in our neice at 17 which was a scary prospect.   My DH and his sister hadn't spoken in years so we had no idea what to expect.  I told DH that there are a lot of reasons that a parent would kick out a 17yo and he could not assume his sister was in the wrong. 

Anyhow, whatever was wrong at their house never appeared at our house.  The girl was scared to death since she had no where to go.   I took her to get some basic toiletries and gave her a place to sleep.   We had a serious talk about what would be required if she moved in with us.   Which was that she could not disrupt our family, had to clean up after herself, follow the rules of our household, go to school (getting herself up and ready on time) and get a job.   She did those things and moved out after a few months.   There were some challenges, but overall I know we did the right thing and she turned out just fine.  Her relationship with her parents benefited from being away, she finished high school, got a job and moved on.

luckysevenwow
by Platinum Member on Aug. 14, 2013 at 5:38 PM
3 moms liked this

Call your local health and welfare office, explain the situation and ask what resources are available to him. There will be some, you just need to find out what. Then go from there.

v2011
by on Aug. 14, 2013 at 5:44 PM
1 mom liked this

I'd be super careful bringing anyone into my house.  Your son may be upset that you won't take the boy in, but you are responsible for YOUR son, not someone else's. Where is his mother? 

boys2men2soon
by Kimberly on Aug. 14, 2013 at 5:56 PM


Quoting luckysevenwow:

Call your local health and welfare office, explain the situation and ask what resources are available to him. There will be some, you just need to find out what. Then go from there.

This!




mommersx4
by Member on Aug. 14, 2013 at 7:08 PM

I called father and he said his son is on his own. He told me his bio mom is on the streets and has not seen son for over 5 years. Father is remarried and can't be bothered about the son. Told me his son was lazy. Just found out the medication he is taking for the epilepsy is very strong and can make you lethargic. Just got home from work , have list of homeless shelters and in process of calling. Thanks for ideas.

Cindy18
by Bronze Member on Aug. 14, 2013 at 7:15 PM

He is an adult, legally so don't feel guilty for not letting him stay. I would ask who else you could call for him but be firm on him not staying there.

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