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My kid says he's Asexual?

Posted by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 11:13 PM
  • 16 Replies

Okay, I'll be honest. The main reason I joined CafeMom today was because my son recently told me this, and I sought help online.

I've been watching this site for a while. It's really been fun already, and I've been liking the community.

So, let me explain a few things.

I adopted my son when I was twenty-six and he was thirteen. I've known him for seven years, and only been his adoptive mother for four, but through all that we've got a close bond that we both share. He's been through stuff that he doesn't like to talk about, but it wasn't anything abusive, sexually or otherwise.

His family just gave him up. He sees them sometimes, but not regularly. When we started out he had monthly visits, but recently he seems to be less and less interested in his biological family.

He's doing well in school, not perfect but he isn't doing bad. He seems happy and healthy enough. He doesn't have many friends, though. Only a couple that I've seen. That doesn't mean he doesn't have more than I know, of course, as I'm not constantly watching and checking up on him.

He doesn't like mainstream culture, at all, and he likes reading books and going outside more then spending time on an electronic device.

He's very quiet most of the time, but when he's around people he really knows he opens up and can talk freely and enjoy himself. He's always been pretty confident.

Anyway, back to the main subject.

About a week ago, he asked if we could talk, and he told me that he had found out he was 'Asexual', and that he wants to be celibate for the rest of his life. He said that he's been doing research and is well informed of what both mean. The thing is, I know he's old enough to know something like this for himself. But I'm still a little uncomfortable.

I don't really know what to think. The first things that come to my mind are, "Does this mean he's going to be alone?" and, "Will he have a happy life?"

I've looked it up, mind you, but I'm still feeling anxious. Very confused, and still don't quite know what to think.

by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 11:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Azmomto5
by on Aug. 17, 2013 at 11:50 PM
I know an asexual adult and work with him. He seems very happy and is very close to coworkers and his own family. He likes living alone but is very out going when we are all at social events. He is just like any of my other friends.
mommersx4
by Member on Aug. 18, 2013 at 12:37 AM

My son is adopted too, 16 now and told me he is pansexual. Nothing shocks anymore!!

 

apollothor
by on Aug. 18, 2013 at 12:52 AM
1 mom liked this

There is actually an organization or club for this online. Tell him he's pretty young to be so sure about that now. He might or might not change his mind. I'd ask the doctor to check his hormone levels. Let a male doctor talk to him privately. Perhaps he was molested and cannot talk to you about it. I would say to him that it's a good idea to have a physical exam every so often. Discuss the issue with the doctor on the phone a few days before the appointment in private so that your son is not embarrassed. Just make sure that he is physically and mentall healthy. Maybe you have a future priest or a son who only wants a career and not a wife and kids in his future. He has a long life ahead of him. He might meet someone who changes his mind! Just make sure that he is healthy and give him space on that issue and just love him.

greywitchoregon
by on Aug. 18, 2013 at 1:52 AM

He can do other things in his life that can bring him joy and happiness. I know that humans are sexual beings. Its not the end of the world. He's still young enough that he can either stick with it, or change.

bizzeemom2717
by on Aug. 18, 2013 at 2:47 AM
He's pretty young and while I would assure him that yes some people live happy fulfilled lives this way, he is certainly much too young to know for sure how time will tell?
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fammatthews4
by Trisha on Aug. 18, 2013 at 9:13 AM
In your shoes I would have to do some research as I don't know much about it at all. Then I would look for support groups that would help me best support my child.
o0gone0o
by on Aug. 18, 2013 at 9:55 AM
He's still pretty young, he could change his mind as he gets older. However support him, but do make sure its not a medical reason for feeling like this. Sometimes it is other times they just feel this way just like the reason we feel attracted to who we do. Just do.
PinkButterfly66
by on Aug. 18, 2013 at 10:05 AM
1 mom liked this

I would be supportive of him, but I would also want to get his hormone, thyroid, vitamin D3 levels tested to make sure they're normal.  Low hormone levels can cause libido to plummet but also other disturbing health issues.  I'd also consider getting him a therapist just to be sure that there is no underlying trauma or emotional issues.  

mumsy2three
by Shauna on Aug. 18, 2013 at 5:13 PM

I agree with this. I don't know much about it so I really don't have advice. I guess I would want to know if it's a personal choice he is making or if something medical is going on.

Quoting fammatthews4:

In your shoes I would have to do some research as I don't know much about it at all. Then I would look for support groups that would help me best support my child.


Barabell
by Barbara on Aug. 18, 2013 at 7:55 PM


Quoting apollothor:

There is actually an organization or club for this online. Tell him he's pretty young to be so sure about that now. He might or might not change his mind. I'd ask the doctor to check his hormone levels. Let a male doctor talk to him privately. Perhaps he was molested and cannot talk to you about it. I would say to him that it's a good idea to have a physical exam every so often. Discuss the issue with the doctor on the phone a few days before the appointment in private so that your son is not embarrassed. Just make sure that he is physically and mentall healthy. Maybe you have a future priest or a son who only wants a career and not a wife and kids in his future. He has a long life ahead of him. He might meet someone who changes his mind! Just make sure that he is healthy and give him space on that issue and just love him.

I know very little on the subject, but I think this is some great advice.

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