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Moms with Teens Moms with Teens

She went to college - now what?

Posted by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 1:59 AM
  • 29 Replies

For two years my daughter and I have been focused on college choices and college applications, college visits, college acceptance, final college choice - then getting everything ready we need for college.  I dropped her off Sunday on the other side of the country, all the busy is gone, she's gone and I am so very very lost. 

I've been doing all the right things - trying to plan out my life before she left.  I raised her on my own since I was 23 and completely changed my life to do it.  I've been fighting depression over her leaving and have been doing ok in the battle - but today it left me just dead.  I knew I should get some exercise, so took my dog for a walk.  I came home and was dead again.  I told myself to take it one day at a time.  Just focus on what I had to do today.  I was successful for 10 minutes and then dead again.  I tried to get excited about my future plans, be grateful that she's doing so well, be grateful for anything.  That didn't work.  I can't think, I can't move, I can't work - I'm just alone alone alone and so very lost.  This post is about the only productive thing I've done today.  I've looked up advice - but most of it says to focus on your relationship with your husband (placed salt in the wound nicely.)

Does anyone know how long this typically lasts?  Advice on how to get through it?  I'm just falling apart.

Thanks.



by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 1:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
allornone
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 2:02 AM

I'm sorry.  I am not there yet but here's a bump. Best of luck!

jadedcynic
by Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 2:07 AM
1 mom liked this

Do stuff for you! Take classes at a community center. Volunteer. Take a few days just to pamper yourself. You raised your child, now focus on what you want out of life. Do you want a better job? Maybe go back to school yourself. If you already have a job you love, find a cause to support. Redecorate the house to make it uniquely yours. Learn a musical instrument. Paint or sculpt. These are just a few ideas.

mumsy2three
by Shauna on Aug. 22, 2013 at 7:36 AM

This and possibly seek the help of a counsellor if you can't "get past" this. I know someone who was having a difficult time when her son went away to college last year she went for the 3 visits her insurance covered through the eap plan and she was fine with everything afterwards. Sometimes having a totally different perspective from some one who isn't close to you can help.

Quoting jadedcynic:

Do stuff for you! Take classes at a community center. Volunteer. Take a few days just to pamper yourself. You raised your child, now focus on what you want out of life. Do you want a better job? Maybe go back to school yourself. If you already have a job you love, find a cause to support. Redecorate the house to make it uniquely yours. Learn a musical instrument. Paint or sculpt. These are just a few ideas.


atlmom2
by Susie on Aug. 22, 2013 at 8:17 AM
I was involved in many things before dd left last year. Our oldest moved out a month before so we became empty nesters last year within a month.
I was kinda lost for about 6 weeks. Then dh and I looked at each other and we agreed we liked it.
Dropped dd Sunday again. This week I once again miss my partner cooking and watching The Chew. Otherwise this year was easy compared to last year. Will see dd in Oct, Nov, and Dec/Jan and time flies really.
I scrapbook with friends, belong to a womens group, and volunteer with a non profit. I want to also take piano lessons. You have to find things to keep busy. Planning ahead makes for an easier transition too.
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sabrtooth1
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 9:08 AM
You are seriously depressed. Find a dr.
fammatthews4
by Trisha on Aug. 22, 2013 at 9:13 AM

Now it's time to concentrate on yourself.  What do you want for you?  Take a class, volunteer, there are many things out there you just have to look

atlmom2
by Susie on Aug. 22, 2013 at 9:15 AM
I agree.


Quoting sabrtooth1:

You are seriously depressed. Find a dr.

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rmm1234
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 9:30 AM
All of the suggestions are good ones, and I have one (along the same lines) to add.

Go on meetup.com. I believe they are all over the country. Here you will be able to type in your city and how far away you are willing to go to find groups that interest you.

This is not about dating but, rather, finding others w/like interests. There is something for everyone! You can find groups who have a book club, who are active w/kayaking or biking, who find great places for dinner or music, etc, etc. If you have several interests, I am certain you will find something for you!

I don't speak from experience (yet) - my oldest leaves for college next year, and I have been joking w/friends lately that I will likely need therapy! Deep down I know it's no joke.

Concentrate on you. Involve yourself w/things and people that bring you joy. You may need to include some therapy for just a little while.

Finally, try as best you can to remind yourself of the great job you did w/her and be thankful that she is doing so well. I always have conversations about how we, as parents, do what we are suppose to do. That is, to love, nurture and guide our children and help them follow the path into adulthood. When it finally happens, I think we realize just how difficult it is to let go even though that's what we've been secretly working towards from the day they were born!

You will get through this. Wake up every day w/a clean slate. Some days will be harder than others but you will be fine! Just allow yourself the time it takes, which is different for everyone.

Good luck!
MrsBLB
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 9:46 AM

Absolutley all of this!

Quoting mumsy2three:

This and possibly seek the help of a counsellor if you can't "get past" this. I know someone who was having a difficult time when her son went away to college last year she went for the 3 visits her insurance covered through the eap plan and she was fine with everything afterwards. Sometimes having a totally different perspective from some one who isn't close to you can help.

Quoting jadedcynic:

Do stuff for you! Take classes at a community center. Volunteer. Take a few days just to pamper yourself. You raised your child, now focus on what you want out of life. Do you want a better job? Maybe go back to school yourself. If you already have a job you love, find a cause to support. Redecorate the house to make it uniquely yours. Learn a musical instrument. Paint or sculpt. These are just a few ideas.



MrsBLB
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 9:47 AM

hugging

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