Yesterday, her best friend's mom came by and said she had stolen her kindle fire from her house. Apparently this happened a couple months ago, and she confessed stealing it to her friend's mom (unknown to me at this point). All the mom wanted was for her to return it, and there would be no issue. But instead of doing that, she just avoided them completely. I had just asked her about a week ago why she hadn'thad Olivia (her friend) over recently, and thought that was strange since they were constantly together. She blew it off as nothing, and I was hoping maybe they were on vacation or something. Lexi has always been kind of immature, and has at times had a rougher time keeping friends, so I was worried something had happened between them. This came out of nowhere though as we thought her stealing issues were behind her. So now mom either wants the kindle back, or is threatening to press charges.
This is where I'm at a loss. Part of me says let her press charges and hope that sends a message to her. The other part says to replace it and deal with it ourselves. But how? We've already taken her phone and ipod indefinitely, and plans for her 14th birthday in six weeks are obviously on hold. Beyond that, what can I do to get through to her? School starts after labor day, and sports practices start next week. She was going to play volleyball, but I'm not sure if she should or not. What would you ladies do?? Open to any creative ideas at this point. I'm just so disappointed in her, I really thought we were past this.
Sorry it's been awhile, but I do have a happy update. The changes in this past month have been incredible! We have found a wonderful psychiatrist who she feels comfortable opening up to and she has been on meds for almost a month. Though I was hesitant for so long, I'm glad we finally did it and I'm almost wondering if we should have done that sooner. She's been getting herself up every day on her own and just seems like a whole new person. Instead of me reminding her every night to get her planner signed, she's been coming home after practice, completing any homework she didn't do at school (she has a free period to start homework and get help with assignments) and bringing her planner to us to sign. Plus instead of needing an additional hour or two for homework after she gets home, she's only been needing around a half an hour! And she currently has 4 A's and 2 B's, which is awesome considering she's finally in all grade level classes! As far as dealing with what happened, she's been grounded from electronics until her birthday and she personally reimbursed the mom the money owed from her own savings. The school police officer also talked to her about what would happen if she did something like this again, including getting arrested, going to juvie, paying hundreds in fines and owing three times the value of what was stolen and community service. I wanted her to pay her back herself, which she did out of her car fund. She is also not receiving allowance while she's grounded, we've explained this as her way of paying fines that she would owe the court if things had escalated to that point. And, she's been helping the mom out with projects around her house as doing community service. I'm so glad she has been so supportive through all this. Our girls are really close and she was more hurt by this than anything else. She was practically in tears as she's always been there for Lexi, and felt betrayed by this. Her birthday has also been scaled back to a family party only and dinner at her restaurant of choice. DH initially wanted to cancel her whole birthday, but I feel like a birthday should always be celebrated, even if it's just a simple celebration. He finally agreed with me a couple weeks ago, and has even suggested that she could still go on her trip with me this spring if she continues making strides in the right direction. (I took my oldest to Cali for her birthday and DH took my 12 year ds to Philly a couple weeks ago to an Eagles game). Which I'm totally on board with. I'm guessing his change of heart has to do with how well she's responded to all this, and I'm glad he suggested the trip in spring since we don't do birthdays this big but every few years. She doesn't know about the trip still being a possibility, and she was so sad when she realized she screwed that one up. My mom thinks that's still rewarding her in the long run, but I'm thinking if we've really moved past this, she should get a chance to earn it back. Plus her birthday is just before Halloween so she has to wait another six months or so and if she's still on track, I'll say she's earned it. Plus a part of me is feeling guilty about not checking into meds and getting her in to talk to someone sooner. Looking back, I feel like the warning signs were there and I just didn't see them. I guess that's why they say hindsight is 20/20! Thanks for all your advice ladies, much appreciated!!